Ashes of Honor: An October Daye Novel

“Where are we going?” asked Quentin.

I paused, digging the Luidaeg’s Chelsea-chaser out of my pocket. It was glowing a neutral white. I sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe we’re not going anywhere. If we don’t know where she is, there’s no point in chasing after her, now, is there?”

“If you do not chase, I can provide coffee,” offered April.

“Coffee would be fabulous,” I said. “Let’s go.”

April nodded, and disappeared, apparently deciding that walking to the cafeteria would be a waste of her time. Li Qin started for the door, motioning for Quentin to join her. He glanced at me, then glanced at Tybalt, and followed her without looking back a second time. In a matter of seconds, the two of us were standing alone in the cubicle maze.

“Um,” I said.

Tybalt lifted an eyebrow, looking amused. “‘Um?’” he echoed.

“Nice weather we’re having.”

“I was unaware that you were interested in the weather.” He slid off the desk. “I am, however, aware of at least one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I was proud of you today.” Tybalt stepped closer. The smell of pennyroyal and musk was suddenly strong. “You were cautious. You were careful. You hid when you were given the opportunity to hide, and you allowed me to assist you. You have no idea how relieved I am.”

“Tybalt, this isn’t—”

“Is your charm glowing?”

I glanced down before I thought better of it. “No,” I admitted.

“Then while this may not be the best time, it is almost certainly the only time we’re going to have. You’ve been frightening me lately, October, and more than me. Your lady Fetch has been concerned as well. The risks you’ve been taking—”

People telling me not to do stupid things and get myself hurt was sadly familiar ground. I narrowed my eyes, straightening. “The risks I’ve been taking are my risks to take.”

“You don’t believe that. Fortunately for both of us, I know what it sounds like when you try to lie to yourself by lying to me.” Tybalt’s voice was soft. “You have responsibilities in this world, whether you meant to take them on or not. To your squire, to my nephew, to your Fetch. To every friend and every enemy you’ve ever made.” He paused before adding, “To me.”

“Tybalt…”

“I’ve stood by and watched you throw yourself against the walls of the world, because I hoped the impact might shake the sense back into you. We do not raise the dead by mourning them so fiercely that we join them. I wish we could. It doesn’t work.”

There was something deeply sad in his tone. “How would you know?”

“Oh, October.” Tybalt sighed, reaching out to tuck my hair behind my ear. He left his fingertips there, resting them against my skin. “Do you truly believe you are the only one, ever, to have lost someone you cared for? To have given something up because to hold it would destroy the very thing you treasured? You’re not as alone as you think you are.”

Tears welled in my eyes. There was a moment when I could have stepped into his arms, into whatever he was trying to offer me. But he was Tybalt, and Connor was gone, and it felt like letting myself move would be a betrayal, no matter how much I wanted it. I stepped away instead, leaving Tybalt’s hand hanging empty in the air.

“We’d better catch up with the others,” I said. “They’re going to be wondering where we are.” I turned before I could see the look on his face and went striding toward the door to the lawn between the buildings.