Work is a predictable routine, though I’m edgy about my grad students these days after Liv told me about Maggie Hamilton’s insinuations. I haven’t seen Maggie since she left town a few weeks ago.
When she gets back, I’ll tell her to find another advisor or change majors altogether. She should never have been accepted into the program to begin with, so I don’t feel bad about dismissing her.
Today I give a morning lecture, teach a grad seminar, and hold office hours. A few students trickle in—one complaining about her essay grade, another asking if he can revise his paper, a third with some genuinely interesting questions about music and liturgy.
With ten minutes to go, a sharp knock sounds on the door. Kelsey walks in, dressed in a tailored suit and heels, the blue streak in her frosted blond hair almost glowing.
Kelsey. Sharp, feisty, brilliant. Too blunt for her own good, but that’s one of the reasons I like her. Impossible to bullshit Kelsey. And you know you’re never getting any bullshit from her.
“What’re you doing here?” I ask.
She frowns and flops into a chair, peering at me through her rimless glasses. “We have a lunch date. You forgot?”
I look at my desk calendar. “Yeah. Guess I did. Sorry.”
“Well, now you’re paying.”
“Deal.” I stand and shrug into my suit jacket. “Where are we going?”
“Somewhere off-campus so I can bitch about my research team without worrying that someone’s going to overhear.” She looks me over. “And since you’re paying, somewhere expensive.”
We end up at a ridiculous French place with low lights and linen tablecloths. The hushed atmosphere doesn’t stop Kelsey from launching into a tirade about the ineptitude of her team, the lazy grad students, and the lack of proper equipment.
She exhausts herself before the entrees arrive, then spears a fork into her salmon and gives me a penetrating look.
I know what’s coming.
“You and Liv worked out your troubles, huh?” she says. “That’s what she told me, anyway.”
“So why are you asking me?” I have no idea how much Liv told Kelsey about what happened. I do know Liv, though, and she wouldn’t spill all the sordid details, not even to Kelsey. She’s too private.
But I also know Liv needed someone to talk to during the whole fucked-up mess. And since I wasn’t around, she’d naturally go to Kelsey.
“You’re the one who first told me you and she were in a rough patch,” Kelsey reminds me. “Was it all because Liv started thinking about having kids?”
Was that all? I don’t even know.
I do know that when Liv told me early on she didn’t want children, I was relieved. I like kids, but after everything that went down with Helen—not to mention my doubts about being a decent father—I was fine with the idea of just me and Liv. More than fine. It was what I wanted.
“It’s natural, you know,” Kelsey tells me. “That Liv would change her mind. Biological clock and all.”
My insides tighten. “Yeah.”
“She seemed upset that you weren’t on board.”
“There was nothing to be on board about,” I snap. “Liv didn’t even know if she wanted kids. She still doesn’t. And what business is this of yours anyway?”
Kelsey doesn’t flinch at the snarl in my voice. “It’s my business because you two have always been the most freakishly happy couple I’ve ever known. And God knows, if you two can’t make it, what hope do the rest of us have?”
Great. No pressure there.
“It’s fine,” I lie. “We worked it out.”
“Why don’t you want a baby?” she asks.
A black fear rises in my chest, swamp-like, dragging bitter memories along with it. I grab my water and take a gulp, shake my head.
“Leave it, Kelsey.”
She understands the hard, “back off” tone and shrugs. We eat in silence for a couple of minutes. All the troubles of recent months, not to mention this new crap with Maggie Hamilton, roil inside me.
I can’t tell Kelsey any of it. She doesn’t know about Helen either because Kelsey and I lost touch when we were in grad school. I’d been too mired in a shitty marriage and excessive work to maintain contact with my old friends.
And I’m too fucking embarrassed to tell Kelsey about Maggie’s lies. What if Kelsey wondered about them the way Liv did?
Christ. All I need is the two most important women in my life doubting me.
“Okay, I’ll back off.” Kelsey looks at her plate and uses her fork to make a little design with her carrots. “Just… you know, I love you two assholes and want you to be happy. So I’m here if either of you needs me.”
Two specks of color appear on her cheeks. I can’t help a faint smile.
“Thanks.”
She frowns. “But don’t tell anyone I said shit like that. I’ve got a reputation to maintain.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll tell everyone what a hard-ass you are.”
“I’d better be, considering the amount of time I spend on the elliptical machine.”
“I’m making chicken piccata,” Liv calls from the kitchen. “Does it smell good?”