Chapter 12 - Remi
I feel like I’m in one of those old movies where the townspeople are about to burn the witch at the stake. All that these townspeople lack, however, are the pitchforks and…oh yeah…anger. I swear the people here don’t even know why they’ve been assembled, much less why there’s a woman standing in the middle of the street with Paxton and the other elders on a platform, perched taller than everyone. I’m surprised that the two guards at my side decided to tie my wrists together. Do they really think I’m such a risk that I need to be restrained? I stole a gun, it’s not like I killed someone.
Everyone seems confused, especially when they look at me. I try not to look into their eyes, but it just seems to happen. I know the more I look at the ground, the more I will seem guilty. I suppose it doesn’t matter. I am guilty. I’m just not so sure that the punishment fits the crime. As I stand here, I’m suddenly aware that our old judicial system would be nice about now. I might get community service…a record. But I’m pretty sure the judge wouldn’t send me out into the wilderness full of once-human, flesh-eating greyskins, or lock me up for very long.
I see Gabe standing to the side of the platform, his rifle slung over his shoulder as usual. I stare at him long enough that he should have looked at me by now, but it seems that his eyes are avoiding me. I haven’t spoken to him since last night when he came in and told me that the elders had decided to throw me in jail. I know he couldn’t have told Paxton of his involvement, otherwise he would be standing here next to me. I wonder what he did say, or if he simply took my advice and said nothing. Maybe that’s why he’s not looking at me. Maybe he feels guilty that he’s letting me take the fall completely.
I’m surprised that I don’t feel any sort of resentment toward him. I think it’s because I know that finding a place like Crestwood is special for anyone. Getting caught was my fault. Besides, being locked up for a few months isn’t so bad. It’s better than being sent away like they had talked about doing to me. At least while I’m locked up I’ll be safe. Later, we might all look back on this and laugh.
Remember when you were new here? someone will say. You know, when you stole that gun because you were too scared to sleep at night?
Hey Remi, you’ve come a long way since your imprisonment here. I can’t believe you are lead scout now.
The leader of Crestwood did what when she was just twenty-two? Wow. I would have never thought… It just goes to show that people really can accomplish so much, even in this horrible world.
I watch as the elders stand together, Paxton looking out over the crowd, waiting for everyone to assemble as commanded. Lillian stands close to his side, no doubt hoping to look like an equal in the eyes of Crestwood. Kenneth stands to the right, talking to Avery about something, his hands moving from side to side as if it’s a very animated story. Avery grins a couple of times, glancing around nervously, too self-aware to be interested in what Kenneth has to say. I catch Gavin staring at me and when he notices that I see him, he turns his head quickly, pretending that we hadn’t connected. He doesn’t know that I heard him trying to defend me - or at least lessen my punishment. Gavin must have gained some confidence to speak up in the meeting, powered by some feeling of true justice, no doubt.
Finally, Paxton raises his hands up in the air to quiet the crowd. My stomach lurches, but my hands are remarkably steady. I already know what is going to happen to me. I know what Paxton is going to say. The townspeople are standing around, perking their ears, thinking Paxton is about to tell them some new information, but I know that the only purpose for this little show is to drive fear into anyone that might ever try to steal again. I’m standing in the middle of the street with two armed guards next to me so people will see me and remember what happened to that wretch, Remi, who stole a gun. I wonder what they will say when today is over.
I heard she was going to use it to kill Paxton.
Oh, I heard she planned to kill herself with it.
Well, you know she was planning to go on a shooting spree…she had been on the outside for a long time. That can mess with your head.
Most of them would probably think I’m crazy. And I guess I was crazy enough to break into Headquarters and steal a gun just so I could feel safe. Just so I could sleep. It’s almost as if having a gun next to me keeps the nightmares away. Without a weapon, not only do I have no physical defense, but I have no mental defense. You take away my weapons, you take away my ability to function. That’s just the reality we live in now. Crestwood is a fairytale that Paxton has created. Sure, he keeps guards around the walls, but only because he knows the truth. He would rather his people wallow in ignorance, thinking they didn’t need weapons, than arm them in case a giant herd ever does come by.
He wants complete control, I think.
I suppose, thinking back on it, that stealing the gun wasn’t worth it. There’s no chance I will have a weapon while I’m locked up, but I’m trying to look on the bright side. Maybe I need this. Maybe it’s the best thing for me to be locked away for a long time so I finally lose my dependence on a firearm. I’m sure I will have many sleepless nights, but a person has to fall asleep sometime, right?
Paxton lowers his arms as the townspeople do as he beckons and quiet themselves. He looks down at me for only a brief second before starting.
“Crestwood was here long before any of us got here,” Paxton begins. “It was founded 200 years ago by people who saw a vision of a peaceful and enriched life. It was meant to be a place of safety where people could go about their lives as normal. There was no such fear of infection, murder, or thievery. Since that time, the world has changed. Humanity has changed. However, human nature has not changed. We still want and need a place like Crestwood to offer us protection from those things. We have erected walls to keep out the infection, but the walls cannot keep out thievery and murder.
Murder? My heart jumps into my throat. Why is he talking about murder? My once-steady hands begin to tremble slightly. I glance in Gabe’s direction but he only stares at the ground in front of him. Why won’t you look at me?
“I don’t know how many of you have met Remi here,” Paxton says, pointing to me. “But she is the first of our town to be caught stealing. She broke into the headquarters building and stole a journal from us - one that kept record of all of our decisions as elders. And she stole a gun.”
I can feel the eyes of every person fall on me. I try to keep my hands from shaking but no amount of fist balling or tensing up keeps it from happening. I thought I had nerves of steel, but I guess I was wrong.
“Such an act cannot go unpunished,” Paxton says. “We cannot tolerate thievery within our town. All of us have enough to worry about without having to deal with thieves among us.”
There are a few snorts of agreement. I think I even hear someone say amen to Paxton. People will play Simon Says to the end of their days so long as they don’t have to think for themselves.
“But even worse than these crimes,” Paxton says, “is the crime of murder.”
This time, I’m the one that gasps.
“Yesterday, Remi used the gun she stole to kill one of our own soldiers,” Paxton says, his eyes on everyone but me.
“Liar!” I yell out, taking a step forward. I immediately feel two sets of strong hands grasp my arms, pulling me back to my spot. The crowd behind me starts talking, some yelling indistinguishable words to each other. I don’t care. My eyes go from Paxton to Gabe, neither of them looking at me. “I didn’t kill Skip!” Saying his name makes me sound even more guilty, I’m sure. “You were there. You. Mendez. Gabe. All of you were there. You know I didn’t kill anyone. I saved you!” My words are lost in the angry mob behind me.
“That’s why the other elders and I have decided that she should be banished from Crestwood,” Paxton says, ignoring my cries. His eyes are wide as though he truly believes this lie that he has made up.
The citizens seem so angry that I'm not sure there will be time for me to be banished.
Kill her! one man shouts out.
Who did she kill? another asks.
I stand in shock. This is a complete betrayal. Paxton must have wanted me gone so he figured out a way to do it.
The 300 or more people start to become so heated that four more guards move to surround me so no one will try to do something stupid (like grabbing me and strangling me in the middle of the street). Clearly my blood should be spilled, according to some of the people in the crowd.
My eyes find Gabe again as two of the guards start pulling me away from the street, but he’s walking away from me. I’m led to the headquarters building and dragged up the stairs to the second floor. I try to ask the guards - plead with them to let me go because it was all a lie. I knew it would do no good, but I’m in shock. I can’t believe Paxton would just lie like that.
I sit in front of the same desk that I had ransacked a couple of nights before, my wrists beginning to throb from the tight bindings around them. The guards that had pushed me in here are now gone but for one standing at the door. My back is to him as I sit in the chair. I try to turn to him and ask him what is happening, but he only stares straight ahead like one of those royal guards from Buckingham Palace. I try to find the thought funny - a soldier with one of those towering hats, no longer standing at attention, but instead greyish and rotting with the desire to eat anything that moves - but I can find nothing funny about it. I can’t even force myself to smile. Banishment is the worst thing that could have happened. I would almost rather be set in front of a firing squad and shot than to be thrown out into the wild, weaponless and scared.
I wait for at least ten minutes before the door behind me opens and Paxton walks through alone. I feel my jaw clench and blood rush to my neck and cheeks. I have never felt so angry.
“What was all that about?” I ask, trying to remain civil. He won’t listen to me if I’m yelling at him.
He makes his way to the other side of the desk and sits in his comfortable chair across from me. He looks at the guard at the door and waves him off. When the door closes, his eyes meet mine for the first time today. “I did what has to be done.”
“You know I didn’t murder anyone,” I say. “I never denied stealing from you, but I didn’t kill Skip. You, Gabe, Mendez…you all know this.”
“It is for the best,” Paxton says.
“How?” I ask, clearly confused.
“I’m not running a prison here,” he says, repeating the same slogan he fed to the elders when discussing my punishment. “None of the elders thought stealing was enough to send you away, but none of us wanted to keep prisoners either.”
You didn’t want to keep prisoners, not the other elders, is what I want to say. I wish I could tell him that I heard the entire deliberation and how he took control over the elders…how he refused to listen to anyone else’s opinion.
“Was this Shadowface’s idea?” I ask.
Paxton’s eyebrows lower as I say these words. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know you answer to him,” I say. “I know he’s a supplier, and apparently he’s the one actually running things around here. Not the elders.”
“Just because you read the word Shadowface in some record journal doesn’t mean you have any idea what you are talking about,” he says, but he looks away when he says it. He starts tapping his fingers on the desk in front of him - not with his fingernails, but his fingertips which gives an offbeat flat tempo in the much too silent room.
“I will do anything it takes to stay,” I tell him. My wrists are really beginning to hurt now. My fingers are starting to go numb. “I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.”
“Why did you break in?” he asks. “That’s what puzzles me the most.”
I shrug. “I was actually looking for records. I wanted to know what kind of people you were. The gun was secondary. I saw it and I took it. It was stupid.”
“Foolish,” he says. “Not necessarily stupid. You saved our lives with it.”
The fact that he is commending me for saving his life with the gun he claimed I killed Skip with makes me livid. “So, why are you banishing me? I didn’t do what you said. You don’t have to imprison me. You don’t have to banish me. Think of another punishment.”
“The punishment must be well-remembered,” he says. “I want you gone for the stealing, but it’s not enough to banish you, so, you’re a murderer.”
“Don’t you see that it’s not right?” I ask.
“Don’t you see that I don’t care?” he comes back. “I’m trying to create a perfectly safe environment here at Crestwood.”
“And you’ve done a great job with that,” I say. “But you can’t just banish everyone that steals something.”
“Until now we have never had the problem with people stealing things,” he says.
“So, that’s it then,” I say. “You’re going to open the gates and send me walking. You might as well put me to death.”
“That’s much too drastic for what you have really done,” he says. “But I’m willing to give you a chance.”
My heart begins to beat a little heavier. A chance? Was all this constructed so Paxton might send me on some mission of his?
“I’m willing to let you back into Crestwood,” he says. “I’m willing to stand in front of everyone here and tell them that it was all a big mistake - that you didn’t kill anyone and that you didn’t even steal anything…that’s all it will take. One tiny speech and all is forgiven.”
“But you want me to do something,” I say.
“There is always a catch, isn’t there?” he says with a smile. I want to smack it off of him. He leans forward in his chair, elbows on the desk, his hands cupped together. His face turns suddenly serious. “I have a daughter. I haven’t seen or heard from her in four years.”
“You mean a year before the outbreak?” I ask.
He nods. “She and I were never on good terms after she went to college. She started dating this boy I didn’t care for and…” he waves a hand in the air, “well, there was a big fight and we didn’t speak to each other again. Then the greyskin virus broke out and I tried to find her. I spent the better part of a year looking for her before I decided to quit. I built a safe haven here in Crestwood hoping she would find it someday and that I would come across her again. But…I still haven’t seen her.”
“What do you want me to do, find her?”
“Yes,” he says, his face very serious.
“You haven’t seen your daughter in four years and you want me to find her? You know she’s probably…”
“Dead, yes I’m aware of the possibility,” he says, cutting me off sharply. “But I’m not really asking that you find her and bring her to me, I’m just asking that you find out as much information as you can about her - what may have happened to her…something. You bring me any information that’s useful and I’ll reinstate your citizenship here at Crestwood. It will be like this never happened.”
It will never be like that, I think. People will always remember the one accused of murder.
What was her name? they will ask. Remi?
Oh yeah, the murderer.
“I will be the murderer no matter what you tell them now,” I say.
Paxton shakes his head and sits back in his chair, crossing his legs. “They will believe whatever I tell them. Once I declare you innocent, they will forget in time. People thinking you’re a murderer for a short time is a pretty good punishment for stealing from me.”
“What if I find out she’s dead?” I ask. “You won’t want me here after that.”
He shakes his head again. “Just bring the proof.”
“In other words, it’s impossible,” I say. “Sorry to be so blunt but there is no proof left if she became some greyskin’s meal.”
Paxton blinks at my words and I can tell he’s trying not to let my forward speaking get to him. “It’s on you,” he says. “I don’t really expect to see you again. I’m just giving you a chance to redeem yourself in my eyes and the eyes of others here. If you can bring me proof of my daughter’s fate then you will be welcome here and I will even make you a soldier if that’s what you want.”
I sit and stare at his desk in front of me. It’s an impossible task, a stupid one. How could he ask this of me? Trying to find out what happened to someone in a greyskin-infested world is like asking how a cancer patient died. Well, she died because of cancer…Well, she died because of the greyskin virus. This was Paxton’s way of giving me hope (maybe some hope for himself as well), but I want to tell him that there is none and I will just say goodbye and be on my way.
“Where would I even start looking?” I ask.
“Elkhorn,” he says immediately. “You went to school there, right?”
Elkhorn carries with it another name: The Epicenter. It’s where this whole mess started. “I was going to college there when the outbreak happened, yes.”
“That was the last place I saw her,” he says. “She was a student at the university.”
“Four years ago?”
“Four years ago.”
“I’m sorry to say that she’s probably graduated by now, that is unless she couldn’t figure out a major first.” I can tell Paxton doesn’t care for my jokes. He doesn’t laugh, he doesn’t smile. He simply stares. “So,” I continue, “she might not have even been there when this whole thing started?”
“It’s possible that she wasn’t but I don’t imagine she had dropped out.”
“What’s her name?” I ask with a deep sigh.
Paxton looks at his desk and swallows hard as if saying her name would make her truly gone. Finally he says, “Her name is Jessi."