Who was he to call all the shots? So he was scared. Big fucking deal. Grow a pair and deal with it. I’d coped with more in the last year than he ever would. I didn’t need him protecting me.
The way I felt about him had gone beyond some schoolgirl crush. We connected on so many levels. But he just couldn’t get past the fact that he was my teacher.
I’ve lost too much to let him slip away. I won’t let that happen. I refuse to.
I spent the rest of Sunday watching DVDs and glancing at my phone, hoping he would call or text—anything—to tell me he had changed his mind. Layna had commented on my foul mood, which I had chalked up to my period. That stopped any further questions. Possibly the only time my period had ever come in handy.
I hated the way I was feeling. He made me feel so vulnerable, so open to getting hurt. I hated that, and right now, I hated him. I considered faking being sick so I didn’t have to see him the next day, but part of me wanted to be there. I wanted to rub in his face what he was missing.
My phone beeped and I lunged at it, sighing when I saw it was only Kass. I read her message.
I’m guessing your weekend was as fun as mine wink, wink
I groaned and replied.
Only if you were at the dentist having teeth pulled. He ended it.
It took her less than ten seconds to call me.
“He what?” she yelled.
I held the phone away from my ear. “Ended. Finished. Over. Done,” I mumbled, digging a piece of lint out from under my nail. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it, not even with her.
“Oh, Wrenn. Why? What happened?”
“I don’t know. He just said it was too much and he couldn’t do it anymore,” I mimicked. I heard the downstairs door slam shut. “Look, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Someone is home.”
I shuffled downstairs and saw Dan with his bike in the middle of the living room, changing the tube in the tire. He looked up and smiled as I walked in and slumped on the sofa.
“Hey kiddo.”
I watched as he levered the tire off the wheel. “Layna would kill you if she knew you were doing this inside,” I commented sullenly.
“That’s why we’re not going to tell her.” He smirked, winking at me.
I smiled in spite of my mood, throwing my legs over the arm of the chair.
“You okay, Wrenn? You seem really off.”
“I’ll be fine. Just having a bad day, I guess.”
He nodded and set down his tools. He walked over and joined me on the sofa. “Your aunt loves having you here with us. I do too,” Dan said.
I nodded. They hadn’t once made me feel unwelcome, and I appreciated that.
“You know, Layna always wanted children. I think that’s part of why she is so passionate about her job.”
“What happened?” I asked shyly. I’d always gotten along well with Dan, but these heart-to-hearts were not common. I felt in the way around him. Like I had invaded their life. Which, in a way, I had.
“Life happened. We left it too late to start trying, and by the time we found out she would never carry a child naturally, it was too late. We tried IVF. She fell pregnant twice, and lost the baby in the first trimester with both pregnancies.” He smiled at me. “All I’m saying is, don’t for a second underestimate how much that woman—and I—love you.”
I nodded, feeling the tiniest bit better. I’d never doubted that they loved me, but I had wondered what would have happened if there had been other people who could have taken care of me.
“Thanks, Dan. I love you guys too. And I’m sorry if I don’t tell you enough, but I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me.”
He reached over and squeezed my hand. “You’re a good kid. If you ever need to talk, I’m here, okay?”
I nodded, smiling at him.
***
At six, I made myself a sandwich and went to bed, claiming I wasn’t feeling very well. I don’t think either Layna or Dan believed me, but they let me go. I stripped down, pulled on my pajamas, and climbed under the covers, snuggling up to my pillow.
I thought about Dan. Had he told Layna about our talk? Probably. In fact, I hoped he had. I probably didn’t express myself very well to them, and I should. I’d never been shy about telling my family I loved them, why did I find it so hard to show my aunt and uncle? Maybe I was afraid of losing them too?
That was a big part of it.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t let myself feel close to people, but more that I was afraid of telling them how I felt, because in the past, everyone I had loved had left me. It was like my mind contradicted my heart. Yes, you can love that person, but be careful how much emotion you show. Or maybe I have no idea why I am the way I am.
The latter was much more likely.
I lay in bed, thinking about how different everything was now, from then. I hated that my family had been taken away from me, but there was nothing I could do to change that. With Dalton, I could. I could sit back and accept that this was what he thought was best, or I could fight for what I wanted, for once.
Chapter Seventeen
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Dalton
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