When it came time to get back in the truck for the ride back to Maine, Katie got a little teary-eyed leaving Lauren. Even though she’d been in Brookline for a while, somehow her house in Whitford being empty made the move more real. “We’re going to miss you at movie night.”
“I’ll miss you, too. But I’ll be dragging Ryan back to Whitford more often and we can watch movies at the lodge together.”
Katie nodded, even though in the back of her mind, she was wondering if Lauren remembered she didn’t actually live at the lodge. Not that she couldn’t drop by and watch a movie if they planned it ahead of time, but somehow she didn’t think that’s what Lauren meant.
After going to the nearest drive-through for coffee, Josh hit the highway and Katie settled in for the long ride back. She was determined to stay awake this time if it killed her. Maybe she’d even offer to drive, although all of the Kowalski men had severe issues with riding shotgun. They weren’t very good at turning over the steering wheel.
Josh reached over and turned down the radio. “Ryan asked me about us.”
He didn’t have to get more specific than that. She knew what he meant. “What did you say?”
“I’m not going to lie to him. There’s no reason to do that, and it’s not like we’re doing anything wrong, right?”
“It sure seems like you think we are,” Katie admitted. “Christmas morning, it was obvious you didn’t want Mom to know, and you kept your distance from me today, too, except when nobody was looking.”
He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel for a few seconds, then blew out a breath. “I know what’s going to happen when Rose finds out, Katie. She’s going to jump to the same conclusion Ryan did—that everybody else is going to.”
“What conclusion is that?” she asked, though she suspected she already knew. Probably the same one Lauren had jumped to.
“Ryan asked me if this thing between us changes my plans for the lodge. You know Rosie will be even worse.”
“I really wish we weren’t having this conversation doing seventy-five miles an hour up the highway,” she muttered.
“I didn’t mean to. I think about things while I drive and it kind of came out of my mouth.”
And it was easier for him to have meaningful conversations when he was behind the wheel, because it wasn’t as intense as a face-to-face discussion. That wasn’t a new thing for him.
“You know you and the lodge are separate for me, right?” he asked, glancing over at her for a second before turning his attention back to the road. “I mean, I like being with you, but it doesn’t change how I feel about the lodge and Whitford.”
In other words, we’re having a good time but at the first opportunity, I’m going to run like my ass is on fire and not look back.
“I know that, Josh. This is me, remember? Katie? I know you.” When she saw his hands relax on the steering wheel, she realized just how much tension the situation was causing him.
She’d be lying if she said it didn’t hurt that he needed to clarify that having sex with her hadn’t made him want to settle down with her and start filling the lodge with babies. Even though she’d known going in that this was how it was going to be, Josh had always been her dream. What she needed to remember, and what would be all too easy to forget, was that Josh had a very different dream.
“I hope you realize,” she said, “that there’s no way my mom doesn’t know.”
That made him laugh. “I’m pretty sure Rosie knows everything.”
“So why the song and dance? I don’t like feeling like a dirty secret, Josh.”
His smile faded. “It’s not that at all, Katie. Rose just has a lot more emotionally invested, which means it’s a lot harder to tell her that whatever she’s imagining probably isn’t going to happen.”
Despite knowing it wasn’t healthy emotionally, Katie latched onto that probably like it was the last life preserver on a sinking boat. It was no doubt a throwaway word to him, but it left the door open just a crack. Maybe whatever her mother was imagining—and odds were it included grandchildren—would happen.
She forced herself to keep her tone light. “I think it would be easier for us to just enjoy what we have if we weren’t sneaking around and hiding in barns.”
“I kind of like the barn.”
“It wasn’t a complaint.” She’d had a very good time in the barn, too. “We can still sneak out there if we want. But I don’t like playing games. It is what it is, and people knowing that is better than speculation. And getting Mom’s hopes up.”
“You’re probably right. You should tell her.”
“Wait—I should tell her? While you do what? Pretend you have to change the oil in your snowmobile again?”
“Hey! I change the oil in my sled.”
She gave him a stern look. “Not as often as you say you do.”
“Not as often as you’ll be washing my truck.”
She snorted. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”
He turned the radio back up and scanned through the stations until he found guys talking sports. Within a few minutes, Josh was muttering at the guys under his breath. Katie smiled and turned to watch the miles fly past her window, their equilibrium restored.