“I dunno. Stuff. I got her a Patriots sweatshirt once. A Bruins cap. Last year I got her a poster signed by the Red Sox pitchers from the ’04 team. But I’m stuck this year and I’m running out of time. Even though we’re closed this weekend to guests, Rose and Katie are driving me bat-shit crazy with this party. Sneaking out to the city and back’s going to be a problem and there’s no sense in even going if I don’t know what to get.”
“Sounds like you usually go the sports shop and play eenie-meenie-minie-mo. Why the stress this year?”
Damned if he knew. He’d never stressed about gifts for Katie before. Rosie, yes, until he’d figured out a gift certificate to the fancy yarn store a few towns over was her idea of the greatest gift ever. He thought gift certificates were boring, so he usually got her some little thing to go with them, but at least she was happy.
Mitch was right on the money about Katie. He always went into the sports shop and bought the first thing that caught his eye.
“Maybe she wants girly stuff,” he said, frowning at his coffee cup.
“Josh, Katie didn’t suddenly start being a girly-girl because you noticed her ass, okay? She’s not the problem here. You are.”
Maybe he was, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Now that his view of Katie had changed, he didn’t know how to act anymore. It was exhausting, and he couldn’t keep it up much longer. But how was he supposed to have that conversation with her? Hey, Katie, I know you’ve been my best friend forever, but you either have to have sex with me or move back to your own place, okay?
“What’s holding you back?” Mitch asked, and Josh was both relieved and a little scared of his transition into serious big brother mode. Mitch was a damn fine big brother to have when the chips were down, but sometimes he threw stuff out there that Josh didn’t want to see.
“She’s Katie. I mean, what if I make a move and she’s not into me? Or she is into me, but then it goes south. I don’t want to never have Katie in my life again because I saw her half-naked in the kitchen and came unglued.”
“That’s a reasonable fear.”
“And she’s Rosie’s daughter. That makes it weird, too. And harder because, not only could I lose Katie, but would my relationship with Rosie suffer?”
“Maybe.”
Josh sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So you agree that it’s best I keep my hands to myself.”
“No. Not really.”
“But you just said—”
“I said they’re reasonable fears. I didn’t say you should let them stop you. I mean, you’re driving yourself insane. You’re probably annoying her, too, and she either hasn’t said anything because she doesn’t want to jeopardize the friendship, or she hasn’t quite put her finger on what the problem is yet. How long do you think your friendship’s going to survive your current state?”
“I don’t know, but…” He didn’t know how to articulate the deep, underlying thing that had a grip on him.
“But what?”
He shook his head. “I love Katie, you know? Like I love Rosie and you and…family. What if I take this step and really fall in love with her?”
“Maybe you’re meant to.”
“And what if I do and I never leave and eventually I feel the same way about her as I do about the lodge?”
Mitch was quiet for a few seconds, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. Josh could understand that. His was a problem with no easy answer, so even his big brother wasn’t going to be able to solve it that easily.
“Stop overthinking it,” he said finally. “Stop worrying about years down the road. You know, coming back here was the last thing I ever expected to do, but when it came to Paige, I just went with it and eventually ended up where I was meant to be.”
Josh drank some of his coffee to give himself an excuse not to answer right away. Buried in Mitch’s response was the assumption that if Josh fell in love with Katie, he’d be happy staying in Whitford. The difference was Mitch had chosen to stay and he’d made that choice after he’d gone out into the world, gotten a degree and traveled all over the country building a successful business. Then, when he fell in love with Paige, he’d chosen to stay.
“Maybe I’ll just let the chips fall where they will,” Josh said when the silence had dragged on too long.
Mitch seemed satisfied with the totally bullshit answer, which was good because he didn’t want to talk about Katie anymore.
“Now, because it’s really important, I know Rosie’s not supposed to be taking part in the party planning and prep,” Mitch said in a welcome change of subject, even if it was about the damn party, “but she’s going to make that chocolate truffle thing, right? With the cake and pudding and whipped cream and those toffee bits?”
Chapter Eight
Katie could hear people arriving, but she was terrified to leave her room. Which was stupid, she knew, because it was Christmas Eve and everybody in the house was a friend or family. But every time she thought she might be ready, she’d catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror and panic all over again.