Chapter 22
Sutton
My heart is slamming so hard inside of my chest cavity, I swear Alex might be able to hear it through the door. My blood is pumping so fast through my veins that I’m afraid I might stroke out.
I am exhilarated and scared shitless, a duality of emotion that causes my skin to tingle and my throat to tighten in anticipation.
Raising my hand, I knock on Alex’s hotel door. I had been waiting impatiently for Garrett to text me after their game against the New York Vipers, telling me that Alex was back in his room. I flew to the Big Apple with the help of some scheming from Garrett, as a surprise for Alex’s birthday.
Alex never said a word about his birthday, and we were so new in our relationship, I never thought to ask him when it was. I was overcome with guilt when Garrett mentioned it to me at Thanksgiving. He pulled me aside before he left and asked if I was planning anything special.
I blinked at Garrett, almost not understanding his question, then regained my senses. I practically hissed at him, “When’s his birthday?”
Garrett gave me a wide grin and whispered back to me, “Next week—November thirtieth.”
“How do you know?” I whispered back, glancing at Alex while he talked to Glenn on the front porch steps while Mom was loading him up with leftovers.
“Because that shit’s on the team roster and I notice shit like that.”
“Oh” was all I could think to say, and I told him I would think of something.
Except, Garrett ended up coming up with a great idea and suggested I fly to New York secretly to surprise Alex after the game. They were going to be in New York for two days as the Cold Fury had back-to-back games with the Vipers and then the New Jersey Wildcats.
So here I stand, my knuckles tingling from the sharp rap against the door, and I wait with my breath held for Alex to open up.
When he does, I could kick myself in the ass for not having a video to memorialize the look on his face when he sees me. He blinks a few times and then rubs his eyes, almost as if he doesn’t trust the vision that is standing before him. He looks at me in question, his throat muscles working but no sound coming out.
“Happy birthday,” I say coyly as my hands unbelt the loose knot that holds the trench coat I’m wearing closed. When the belt works free, I peel open the coat, revealing his present.
It’s nothing more than my body scantily clad in scraps of blood-red lace, complete with garters, black silk stockings and a pair of sinfully sexy black pumps—an outfit that I purchased just yesterday before flying out that, along with the plane ticket, put a huge dent in my meager savings account.
Alex slowly drags his gaze down my body, his tongue swiping over his lower lip when he looks at my breasts, which are barely hanging into the bra I’m wearing. His eyes move over me leisurely, all the way down to my toes, then slowly back up again. When he meets my eyes, I’m rewarded with nuclear heat shining bright in his blue irises, and he reaches out to me.
Grabbing the ends of the belt hanging loosely by my sides, he pulls me into the room roughly, straight into his hard body, causing me to gasp in surprise. He kicks the door shut with his foot.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice growling in what seems to be anger, but I know better. It’s full-blown lust, and this is verified by the very heavy erection that is pulsing against my belly right now.
“Surprise,” I say with a gentle laugh, my fingers starting to work at his belt. He must have just gotten into the room because he’s still in dress pants and shirt, only his shoes and socks having been discarded.
Alex swallows hard as I remove his belt and toss it to the floor. My fingers then go to the buttons on his shirt, and I work quickly to remove it along with the soft white T-shirt he has on underneath. When I look up at him, his jaw muscle is ticking and his gaze scorches me.
I lower my hand and palm his erection through his pants. “I want you in my mouth, Alex. I want to suck you off until you scream my name.”
Alex’s look darkens as he curses, “F*ck…when did you learn dirty talk like that?” He flexes his hips toward my hand, urging me to stroke him through the material.
“That’s not dirty talk,” I tell him as I give him a squeeze. “That’s what I’m telling you is going to happen.”
“Oh, f*ck no it’s not,” he growls as his hands come up and jerk the coat from my shoulders. “You can’t show up at my room, wearing lingerie like that, and tell me you want to suck me off, not thinking that’s going to produce a certain reaction.”
His words are harsh, guttural, and slice deep into me with urgency and need. “Reaction?” I whisper.
Taking me by the shoulders, Alex turns me around and pushes me up against the door I had just walked through. The wood is cool against my skin, but Alex presses in tight against me from behind, providing blazing heat to counterbalance the sensation.
“Yeah…reaction. The reaction is I need to f*ck you—right now, really hard and really fast.”
I start to argue, because I really wanted to give him a blow job for his birthday, but my words drown in a moan as Alex reaches down and rips my underwear from my body. There’s a sharp bite as the lace digs into the skin on my hip, and then it’s gone.
Intense urgency must be his game because he no sooner rips my panties away than his hand is curling around the front of my body and he sinks two fingers into me…roughly.
And damn, it feels so good, I can’t do anything but spread my legs farther and hope to God he makes good on his promise to f*ck me.
“You’re already wet, Sutton,” he murmurs in my ear while grinding his erection into my lower back. “Did thinking about having your lips wrapped around my cock do that to you?”
“Y-e-s-s-s-s,” I stammer out, bracing my palms against the door and pushing my ass backward into him.
“Good, because that little proclamation of yours got me hard as a rock and I want to be inside of you so bad.”
He doesn’t need a response from me and I hear the sound of his zipper being lowered. I close my eyes and hold my breath, preparing myself for his delicious invasion.
Alex doesn’t make me wait. He pulls my hips back slightly and I assume he bends his knees to bring himself in alignment, but then he’s pushing his way into me.
I’m so wet right now…I can feel it, but I’m also tight and he’s not getting easy entrance from this standing position. He pulls back and pushes in with short bursts of energy, working a bit deeper each time.
“Are you okay?” he grunts in my ear.
“Yes,” I grit out.
“Good,” he snarls as he pushes in deeper. “Because I wouldn’t stop if you asked me to. I couldn’t stop. Not possible.”
I smile, resting my cheek against the door. That’s an absolute lie. Alex would stop in a heartbeat if he thought he was hurting me, but he’s fueling our passion with his own brand of dirty talk, and it makes me slicker and my flesh welcomes him in deeper.
After pulling out and then giving one more hard push, Alex is seated in me to the hilt and I can feel the stinging nip of his pants zipper on my skin.
He groans in satisfaction and I hear a tinge of triumph in it. I smile even brighter, because there is something immensely fulfilling for a woman to know that she has the power to turn her man into an animal.
There is nothing for me to do. I concentrate on standing in my high heels as Alex starts to drive in and out of my body. He’s relentless, slamming into me with such force that he’s banging me into the door. Anyone walking down the hall has got to know someone’s having sex on the other side.
Alex brings one hand to a breast and plucks at my nipple while the other goes in between my legs to stroke with sure fingers. He’s so huge, and I concentrate on the feel of him inside of me as he pounds on and on and on.
“God, you feel good, Sutton,” Alex snarls by my ear, just before reaching down and biting me on the soft skin between the base of my neck and shoulder.
My entire body bucks against the sensation, and he soothes me by running his tongue along my tender skin.
“You drive me crazy,” he pants, banging into my body harder and wringing out the most unladylike grunts from deep within me.
Everything becomes overwhelming to me all of a sudden. The feverish need Alex has for me, the feel of him burying deep into my body, the fact that we are making a lot of noise and assuredly someone has heard us, the way he talks dirty to me with almost a starving compulsion. It all comes crashing down on my senses and my entire body starts to tighten. With just a light stroke of his finger against my *, I fall over the edge and cry in release as my orgasm explodes outward. My legs buckle and Alex quickly grabs on to my hips, holding me up.
“F*ck, that was sexy,” he says in awe and slams into me once, twice more, and then he stays deep as he says, “I’m coming. Oh, f*ck…f*ck…damn, Sutton.”
He continues to mutter curses, punctuating each one with another thrust of his hips into me. He seems to climax forever, and it’s thrilling to me to feel this uninhibitedness that I’ve not seen before…at least not to this extent.
Alex completely let himself go and it’s like he has never wanted anything more in his life than me at that moment, and it makes me immeasurably joyful inside to think that.
When he stops shuddering against me, Alex pulls back and slips out of my body. I feel the rush of his semen start to pour out of me and slide down my inner thighs. I hear him zip his pants up, but I still keep my eyes closed.
Stepping into the bathroom, Alex grabs a towel and returns. I haven’t moved, unsure as to whether my shaking legs would support me, so I keep my knees bent and balanced while my palms keep me leaning against the door.
Alex kneels on the floor and gently cleans himself off me, rubbing softly between my legs and making me gasp because I’m still very sensitive. When he’s done, he drops the towel to the floor and lifts me in his arms. Walking over to the bed, he lays me on it and stands over me.
He just stares at me for a long moment as I lie there, his face almost impassively blank. Then he crawls onto the bed, in between my legs, and makes his way up my body. But when his head reaches my stomach, he stops and drops down on me gently, laying his cheek against my belly, and curling his arms underneath me to hold me tight. Rubbing his stubble against my sensitive skin, he says, “Best birthday present ever.”
Reaching down, I run my fingers through his hair and giggle, “You didn’t get the present I wanted to give you.”
“I got the present I wanted, though,” he counters.
“You mean you didn’t want a blow job?” I tease.
“Every guy always wants a blow job,” he sets me straight. “But I needed to be inside you so bad…I couldn’t control myself, Sutton. I’ve never been turned on like that before. I felt like an animal.”
Gripping his hair, I pull slightly so he turns his face and looks up at me. “I like you like that. I like the animal side of Alex Crossman.”
He grins at me then raises up, supporting his weight on his arms. “Let’s take a shower, then maybe you can give me my birthday present.”
“Now you’re talking,” I tell him as I push back on his head, urging him to get up from the bed. He doesn’t get up though. Instead, he places his lips in between my breasts, right in the center of my chest.
He gives me the lightest of kisses there, then looks up at me. “Seriously…you being here is the best present ever.”
I can’t respond to him. He’s looking at me with such happiness, such sincerity, I’m afraid that if I let any words out of my mouth, I may tell him that I’ve fallen in love with him. That would be foolish to do, because I know he doesn’t feel the same way. I know he cares—a lot. But he’s still holding back from me, and until such time as he opens up all the way, I know love is not going to be part of the equation.
Long after we shower and long after Alex’s knees almost buckle while I lick and suck every inch of him, we lie in the bed facing each other and talk. I fill Alex in on how Garrett schemed with me about his birthday, and I can tell he’s touched that he had a friend care enough about him to get his girl on a plane to visit.
We talk about the game tonight. I was there, Garrett also having secured me a ticket. Alex was spectacular tonight, and he actually surprises me by telling me how pumped and excited he was before the game. It’s an enthusiasm that’s stronger than any I’ve heard before from him, and it gives me the courage to ask, “What happened to the guy who hated playing hockey?”
I’m not teasing him when I ask that question. He knows I’m being serious.
Taking a finger and running it along my jaw, Alex seems deep in thought while he watches the path he’s making. He trails his finger from my chin, down my throat and to the middle of my chest. Tapping a finger lightly against that area where my heart beats the strongest, he says, “I don’t know. I just know that I see things differently.”
“Why?” I ask, almost afraid of his answer. Because while I think I might be a changing factor in his life, even if he doesn’t acknowledge that change will hurt, I know it will.
His gaze leaves his finger, which is still resting against my heart, and moves up to meet mine. “You’re a force, Sutton. I felt it from the moment I laid eyes on you when I walked into the crisis center. You just radiate this—I don’t know what to call it—but it’s like a confidence I’ve never seen before. You have command of your life. You love life. It’s a little intimidating, but it attracts me all the same.”
“Why is that intimidating?” I ask him breathlessly, impatiently waiting for him to reveal more of his soul to me.
Reaching out, he grips my chin with his hand, holding me in place so I can’t look away.
I wouldn’t…not even if a herd of stampeding animals went by.
“Because you turned your life around. You had a shitty start and yet you conquered your past. You used it to give you strength and resilience, and you in turn give others strength and resilience. You made me look at things differently, and apparently I’ve found some joy for things that I thought were long dead and buried for me.”
“I still don’t get why that is intimidating?” I ask, not exactly getting how it all connects.
“Because,” he says softly, then he leans in to kiss me. His lips touch my mouth softly, sliding back and forth with a hint of whispered breath, then he pulls back. “Because…I had a shitty start too, and I think it destroyed the best parts of me. I let it destroy the best parts of me, and honestly…it sometimes makes me angry that you were able to get past it and I can’t. It sometimes makes me angry at you.”
I blink a few times, unsure of what I just heard. He’s staring at me openly, and he has laid something on me with such brutal honesty, I don’t doubt a word of what he’s just said. But unfortunately, rather than express tender emotions I thought he might have for me, he’s just admitted that there’s a part of me that he apparently doesn’t like.
Because it makes him feel bad about himself.
Gah, that is some f*cked-up thinking.
I’m affronted, and I can’t help it. I pull back and he releases the grip on my chin. I stare at him a moment, and he returns my stare, eyes unblinking. I push away and roll out of bed, turning to look at him again now that there is some distance between us.
“You’re mad at me because I’ve made something of my life? Because I’ve moved past the trauma of my past?” I know my voice sounds shrill but I can’t help it.
Alex moves from the bed quickly and then I’m in his arms. “I’m only being honest, but you didn’t let me finish. While I find myself angry and envious and probably a whole slew of other negative emotions, that only makes up a very small part of what I feel when I’m with you. It pales in comparison to the respect I have for you, for the desire I feel. It gets paler every day I spend with you.”
I feel the tension leave my body, unaware of how stiff I had been until I heard those words. Pulling my face back, which he had tucked under his chin, I look at him. “Alex…you don’t have to be trapped by your past. You’ve already busted through so many barricades you had in place.”
“I know,” he says while bringing a hand up to stroke my hair. “I’m trying. I don’t want the bitterness I hold toward my past. I want to let it go.”
My heart aches for the longing in his voice. I plaster myself back against his body, wrapping my arms around his waist tightly. I feel the thump of his heartbeat reverberating against me, and I squeeze even tighter.
I will do whatever it takes to move Alex completely away from that darkness.