I glared. Jennica knew very well that wasn’t what I was doing. But she was grumpy today because Brian was home sick. Jennica had already asked several times whether I thought she should skip school and bring him chicken noodle soup. I had responded that I thought he was capable of opening a can of Campbell’s on his own. She just gave me a look and began mumbling about how when you really loved someone, you shared everything, even germs.
Personally, I thought that was kind of gross.
“I’m not trying to get a piece of her,” I said through gritted teeth. Jennica shrugged and took a bite of her tofu sandwich on whole wheat. She was still on her weight-loss kick, but I saw her staring lustily at the fries on my tray each day while she munched on carrot sticks.
Just then, I noticed two of my least favorite people in the school, Tali Bonner and Tatiana Roseberg, approaching Kelsi’s table, their matching raven-colored hair swinging behind them like pendulums. I stiffened. Tali and Tatiana, known collectively as the TaTas—and not just because of the first letters of their names—were senior cheerleaders and two of the most popular girls at Plymouth East, right beneath Summer on the social scale. Tatiana’s romantic exploits with underclassmen were legendary, while Tali was rumored to only go for college guys.
Of course, they were also the worst when it came to situations that might increase their popularity. In fact, it was because of them that I’d first realized that I was no longer just plain old Lacey Mann. I was Lacey Whose Dad Died. I had been eating in the cafeteria with Jennica on my third day back to school when they had sauntered up, arm in arm, smiling at me.
“Oh my God, you must be so depressed!” Tali had started off without even a hello.
“So depressed,” Tatiana had chimed in. I looked around to make sure they were actually talking to me. They confirmed it by settling into two of the empty seats at our table.
“I mean, you must feel so guilty,” Tali had continued in the same tone of voice you’d use to compliment someone’s outfit.
I just looked at her. Fortunately, Tatiana jumped in to explain. “Because you were with your dad in the car,” she said.
“And you didn’t save him,” Tali added helpfully, a big smile plastered across her heavily made-up face.
Suddenly, the tears that I’d been holding back so successfully were running down my face in rivers. Tatiana looked disgusted; Tali looked delighted. As I jumped up from the table, it felt like the whole cafeteria was watching me.
It was the last time I’d cried. Since then, the tears wouldn’t come.
The TaTas never spoke to me or acknowledged me again, but I’d heard them telling people that their friend Lacey was still really depressed, and they were doing everything they could to help, because they cared so much. More than once, I’d heard people ask them how I was doing—instead of asking me. The whole thing had made my blood boil.
And now they were zeroing in on Kelsi.
“I gotta go,” I said to Jennica. I jumped up, dropped my trash in the garbage, and slid into an empty seat at Kelsi’s table just as the TaTas were getting started.
I hadn’t heard the opening of their conversation, but Kelsi was staring blankly at them. I wasn’t sure if it was the blankness of someone who couldn’t understand why two of the most popular cheerleaders in school were standing at her table, or the blankness of someone who didn’t care about anything anymore, because nothing else mattered when one of your parents had just died.
“Hi, Kelsi!” I chirped in my brightest voice, forcing a megawatt smile that could trump any cheerleader’s. The TaTas turned to me, matching blank expressions on their faces.
Kelsi looked at me. Her eyes were bleary. “Hi?” she said. The TaTas were still staring at me, but their blankness had turned to annoyance.
“Kelsi, did you forget?” I bubbled, making it up as I went. “You told me you’d help me with my history homework. I’m so nervous about the test I have today.”
“Homework?” she repeated.
“Yeah, you know, the assignment you promised to help me with? But I, uh, get distracted with people around. No offense.” I smiled fakely at the TaTas. “Let’s go outside so I can concentrate.”
Kelsi glanced at the TaTas. “Yeah, okay.”
“What was that all about?” Kelsi asked as we walked outside.
“Didn’t you see the way they were looking at you?” I asked, incredulous. “It was like you were some kind of prize.”
Kelsi shrugged. “I didn’t notice.”
We were walking toward the parking lot now, and I wondered if we were going to have another bizarre rap session in Kelsi’s car.
Suddenly, Kelsi pulled a pack of cigarettes from her backpack and shook the box a little until one fell out. I watched, wide-eyed, as she lit up as if she’d done it a thousand times before.
“You smoke?” I asked, so surprised that I actually stopped in my tracks.
Kelsi took a long drag on the cigarette and then exhaled, the smoke forming a lingering cloud as it exited her mouth. “So?”
I paused. “But your mom died of lung cancer.”
The words hung in the air between us, big and ugly.
When Kelsi finally spoke, she didn’t look at me, but there was something in her voice that hadn’t been there before.