“You really think anyone’s going to bust you and me?” Kelsi asked. “The girls with the dead parents?”
She was right. Besides, Kelsi needed me. And my responsibility to help her outweighed the risk. I took a deep breath. “Okay,” I agreed.
I opened the car door and slid in. “So. Are we going somewhere?”
Kelsi didn’t look at me. “No,” she said. “Unless there’s somewhere you want to go.”
“No,” I said quickly.
The car engine continued to hum. The air conditioner was on high, even though it was in the fifties outside.
Just as the silence was getting uncomfortable, I blurted out, “Kelsi, I’m really sorry about your mom.”
More silence. I could feel my cheeks flaming. Mr. Miller had obviously picked the wrong person to talk to Kelsi.
Then Kelsi said softly, “Thanks.” She glanced at me. “I’m sorry about your dad, too. I never told you that.”
“Thank you.” I was quiet for a moment. “So are you okay? I mean, how are you?”
Kelsi glanced back out the windshield. She squinted, like the answer to my question might be located on the brick wall of the school. “It’s not like it’s a big deal or anything,” she said finally, still not looking at me. Her words poured out in a rush, like she couldn’t wait to get rid of them. “I mean, she’d been sick for a while. We knew it was coming. I should have—I should have been more prepared for it.”
I wondered what it was like to have time to say goodbye, to know the end was coming. Did you have fewer regrets? “But it’s not like that makes it any easier,” I said.
“But it’s supposed to,” Kelsi mumbled. “Isn’t it?”
She was looking at me like I had all the answers. The truth was, I wasn’t even sure what the questions were anymore. “I don’t think so,” I said finally.
I tried to think of something else to say, the kind of thing I would have wanted someone to say to me. But nothing was coming to me. I sat back in the seat.
“Can you just go away now?” Kelsi asked. “I want to be alone.”
I looked at her, surprised. “Um, yeah, sure,” I said, hoping she wasn’t depressed enough to do something stupid. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
She glanced at me. “What do you think? Are you okay?”
I was taken aback. “Yeah,” I said.
She snorted and looked away. “Yeah. You’re very convincing.”
Her words startled me. I was fine. I was happy. I had gone back to being normal. “I am okay,” I insisted.
“Whatever,” Kelsi said. “But look, I really just want to be alone.”
I grabbed my bag and opened the car door. “If you need anything, you can ask me, okay? I mean, I’ve been through this.”
“I know,” Kelsi said. She paused and then added, “Thanks.” The word was so soft I could barely hear it.
chapter 5
“You have to help me,” I told Logan at lunch. As I plunked down beside him in the cafeteria, Sydney looked at me like I’d just arrived from outer space. In Plymouth East terms, maybe I had.
“Hi,” Sydney said, glancing around, probably calculating how much my presence at the table was reducing her social status.
“I have to help you?” Logan said. “With what?”
“With Kelsi Hamilton,” I said.
“Oh yeah, I heard her mom died,” Logan said casually, like it was no big deal. “Bummer.”
“It’s all over school,” Sydney chipped in. “Did you only just hear about it? I’ve known since, like, nine this morning.”
“Now it’s a contest?” I asked. I refrained from adding that I’d known earlier than that.
Sydney mumbled something and made a face. I turned back to Logan. “Yeah, Lo, her mom died. It’s horrible.”
He shrugged. “I guess. I mean, it’s not like we really know her.”
“I know her,” I said.
Logan raised an eyebrow. “Since when?”
“Since … always,” I said. I didn’t think what had happened this morning was any of his business. But I let myself gloat, just a little bit, that Mr. Miller had asked for my help, not his.
“Okay,” Logan said. “But what does that have to do with me?”
I took a deep breath and began to explain the idea I’d been thinking about since I’d gotten out of Kelsi’s car two hours ago. “It has everything to do with you. I thought maybe one day this week we could get Cody Johnson and the three of us could get together with Kelsi after school.”
Logan and Sydney stared at me like I’d suggested that we eat worms. “Why would we do that?” Logan asked.
“To show her that she’s not alone.”
Logan rolled his eyes, and exchanged looks with Sydney. “Lacey,” he said slowly, like he was talking to a child, “just because our dad died doesn’t mean you have to fix everyone else who loses a parent.”
I stared back. “I’m not doing that. Maybe I just want to help. What’s wrong with that?”
Logan shook his head. I was surprised to see anger in his eyes. “You know, Lacey, maybe for once you could just let things go, you know? Can’t you just grow up and move on?”
“What are you talking about?” I demanded, suddenly aware that my voice had risen an octave.