I knew he was going to say that. I have no clue if it’s true or not because I didn’t bother to ask Kylie the details. But it doesn’t matter. “Then how come you didn’t invite me once you realized she was coming? Once you realized it wasn’t just a ‘boy’s night out’?”
Now Matt looks a little uncomfortable and I know, without a doubt, that he had in fact considered it, but for some reason, decided against it. “I couldn’t invite you, Mac. People can’t know we’re together.”
“Bullshit,” I seethe. “I’ve been in your presence plenty of times around other members of this firm, and we both could have had fun last night without ever giving anything away. But the truth of the matter is—you just didn’t want me there. You wanted space from me, and I want to know why.”
“Mac,” he says in a gentle voice, trying to talk my anger down. “It’s not a big deal—”
“Tell me the truth,” I beg.
“You’re making this—”
“TELL. ME,” I yell at him across the desk as I slap my hands down.
“Calm down,” he hisses at me. “Do you want everyone to know about us?”
My voice quiets, and it’s so very sad when I say, “Know what, Matt? What is there exactly to know?”
Matt leans back in his chair with a heavy sigh, and I can see resignation fill his face. “I don’t know what to tell you, Mac. I’ve been trying. I really have. But lately… it just seems like a lot of work.”
“I seem like a lot of work?” I ask disbelieving. “You mean… it’s a real chore for you to have to get it up for me?”
I know that’s a ridiculous accusation but I’m feeling so hurt and attacked right now, I can’t help myself.
“NO! That’s not what I’m saying. I’m insanely attracted to you. You have to know that.”
“Then why is it work?”
“Because… because you wanted more than just sex, and I tried to give it to you. But lately… it just seems too hard. Ever since…”
He trails off and doesn’t finish his sentence, but I know what he was going to say. Because I had already thought the same thing. “You mean ever since Marissa came over to your apartment that day. That was the day she reminded you that you’ve been screwed over and all women must therefore be the same as her. Thus, none of us are good enough to get the great Matthew Fucking Connover’s full attention. I mean, if we’re lucky girls… he’ll fuck us and fuck us good, but he’ll never let us into his heart. No woman is apparently good enough to warrant that type of attention from you, right? Because poor little Matt had his feelings hurt, and now he wants to wallow in misery. Boo fucking hoo, Matt. Boo fucking hoo.”
I finish my little rant and my chest is heaving, but apparently, I did a good job of pissing Matt off because now he stands up on the opposite side of his desk and leans over to snarl at me. “Don’t you think you may be trivializing what I’ve been through just a bit? This isn’t easy on me, you know.”
I’m not sure if he’s trying to get sympathy or trying to justify his actions, but neither course matters to me very much. I’m seeing clearly now that Matt is comfortable with the way things are in his life. He clearly only craves physicality and could do without emotional intimacy. So be it. I know I need more than that, and I’m not going to waste another minute trying to make him into something he has no desire to be.
Spinning away from him, I start to walk out, but then a thought strikes me. Turning back around, I decide to hit him hard with something I had been dying to say for weeks.
“Cal didn’t initiate sex with Marissa.”
Matt’s eyebrows shoot straight up, and then his face goes red, his eyes stark. “I don’t want to hear this.”
I’m not about to shut up. “He was drunk at her party. I understand you were out of state and your plane got delayed, so you couldn’t make it in. Marissa offered him the guest room, and he accepted.”
“Enough, Mac,” he says, his voice getting louder as he steps around the desk toward me.
“He was really, really drunk… on the verge of passing out. In fact, he thinks he did pass out for a little bit, but when he came too—”