His heart had soared when he had seen her standing outside the church, but from what he had seen since, it was clear that all was not as it seemed. He had been so close to throwing his bag into the back of the car and taking off again. And then he saw a car pull up in front of the house. He felt like a voyeur, watching as she got out of the car, walked up the front path and up the steps. His heart beat so loud in his chest that he thought it might break a rib. Yes, she was walking, but obviously it wasn’t as simple as that. She seemed to have limited control over her body and he desperately wanted to ask her about that, but he wasn’t sure he had the right to – and he was terrified at what she might tell him.
His self-respect plummeted to an all-time low. He had lied to her by omission. That wasn’t part of his plan. He had planned to tell her the truth, he was going to lay it at her feet and let her decide then if she would forgive him or not. He had not planned to give her half-truths and echoes.
What have I done?
After everything that had happened over the past few days, all his noble intentions, his promises to his father, the bargains he made with himself, why lie now? Why not tell her the truth – all of it? The answer seemed simple enough: what if, when she knew the truth, she turned him away? It was as if he had returned to the same crossroads of four years earlier. Stay or go?
She didn’t want to talk about the accident at all – she barely mentioned it, she said she didn’t remember it. Was that a blessing or a curse? She wasn’t angry about it either, she was angry that he had left the way he did, without saying goodbye. He groaned, berating himself once again. If only he had stayed and talked to her then. Maybe she would have forgiven him. Maybe she would have hated him even more. Maybe she still would, when he told her the truth now.
He had to make her understand, but the idea was a lot simpler than the reality. He wished his father were here. He longed for his phone to ring, to hear his father’s voice one more time. He needed help to get through this.
A knock on the door startled him. If Ally had come back, he needed to tell her now, before he lost his nerve. He pushed the chair back and headed for the front door, flicking on the porch light on the way. Readying himself mentally, he opened the door.
“I thought I made myself clear earlier,” Callum said, his voice laced with anger.
Jack’s heart sank.
“I told you to stay the hell away from her, didn’t I?”
“I don’t want to fight again,” Jack sighed. “It’s been a long day. Can’t we just take this up again tomorrow?”
“What was she doing here? What did you say to her?”
“She came to me – I didn’t go to her,” he frowned, shifting his weight as he made the connection. “And how the hell did you know she was here anyway, are you stalking me?”
Callum just raised his eyebrows.
“You’re stalking me?” Jack was incredulous, his blood boiling.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Callum huffed, planting his feet on the doorstep. “I saw her car outside earlier. I want to know what you said to her.”
“You want to know if I told her about what happened that night.”
Callum glared at him.
“The answer is no, I didn’t. But why the hell didn’t you? You were there, you knew.”
“Because it wasn’t my place to tell her – it was yours.”
“Jesus, Callum! You just let her think God knows what, all this time?”
“What the hell do you care what she thought? You weren’t here, remember? I didn’t tell her because what the hell would be the point?”
“What would be the point?” Jack repeated indignantly. “She would’ve known the truth!”
“That you were a coward? She figured that one out for herself when she woke up and you were gone!”
Jack opened his mouth to speak, but Callum cut him off.
“Don’t you dare come back here and start blaming me or anyone else! No one told you to go – you made that choice yourself! You did the wrong thing then and by coming back now and stirring it all up again, all you’re doing is making it worse. You’re here for your own selfish reasons, not because of Tom or because of her!”
“I’m trying to make it right!”
“How?”
Jack was dumbfounded, knowing that he had asked himself that question a million times and come up empty.
“She doesn’t need you anymore. The best thing you can do now is just crawl back into whatever hole you crawled out of and leave her alone.”
“No. I’m not going anywhere, not this time.”
“That’s your master plan? Seriously?”
Jack glared at him in silence, his anger mounting.
“Oh come on – you gotta admit, that’s a reckless statement, especially for you. You disappear when the going gets tough, remember?”
“That’s not what happened and you know it.”
“Do I? Because that’s what it looked like from where I was standing!”
“You know damn well why I left!” Jack blurted out. “You knew what I did – you were there!”
“Yeah, I knew what you did – big deal! You were trying to save her life, she wouldn’t have blamed you!” he said hotly. “You did the wrong thing, Jack, you should’ve stayed.”
Jack stared at him, his heart racing. He thought about the relationship they used to have, how close they were. Like brothers. And now this – strangers. Worse than that; enemies.
“I made a mistake. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Callum shook his head, eyeballing Jack as he took a step backwards, forcing his hands back into his pockets.