Barney’s was busy. All the pool tables were taken and music blared out of the jukebox, even though it was barely five o’clock. Jack watched absentmindedly as Harry took order after order, the bar humming with the promise of the night ahead.
By contrast, their corner table was sombre, removed from the surrounding melee. A black cloud hung over them, heavy with grief. The lack of animated conversation and hijinks set them apart from the other tables.
There was a bottle of whisky in the centre of the table, a full glass beside it.
“For Tom,” Callum had said solemnly, setting the bottle down next to it.
Maggie had arranged for the beautiful wreath that they had lain on his father’s grave barely an hour earlier. They had all insisted that he have the honour of placing it himself, and it had taken all he had in him to do so. It felt final, like he had closed a chapter in his life. The disconcerting part was that he didn’t feel ready to say goodbye just yet. He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready for that.
Before long, one by one, they began to make their way home. Maggie left first, her eyes still red-rimmed as she hugged them all goodbye. Jane followed not long after. Jack squirmed in his chair, his ribs still tender as he tried to get comfortable. He glanced over at Ally. She gave him a half-hearted smile that he saw right through.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said over the music, indicating the door.
She nodded, reaching for her crutches as he stood up. He stretched, easing his cramped body, then put his hand on Callum’s shoulder, leaning down again. “You wanna blow this popsicle stand?”
Callum shook his head. “Think I’m gonna stay a while.”
Jack could barely hear him over the music, but his expression was clear enough. Callum pushed his chair back and stood up to gather Ally into a warm embrace. As he turned, Jack offered his hand and, after a moment, Callum took it.
“Thank you,” Jack mouthed, not bothering to shout this time.
Callum pulled him into a brief hug, which both surprised and overwhelmed him. As they drew apart, Callum grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him close again. “Love her right this time,” he said, just loud enough for Jack to hear.
Surprised, Jack could only nod. The words played on his mind as he took Ally home.
Jack had been quiet ever since they left Barney’s. Ally could relate – she was exhausted too, both mentally and physically. Her shoulders ached after the lengthy walk up to Tom’s grave from the cemetery gate, but the ache in her heart was worse. She could only imagine how he was feeling.
She had not been looking forward to today. With everything that had been going on since Tom’s death, there had been little time to grieve for him. Now, she felt that need welling up inside of her, demanding to be set free.
She tried to concentrate on the coffee she was supposed to be making, but the kitchen counter blurred in front of her.
“Hey,” Jack said gently, walking over to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her. “It’s okay.”
She sniffed back more tears, nodding, although not brave enough to try and speak. He seemed to understand, and she wasn’t surprised when he rested his chin on the top of her head, pulling her closer. She should be comforting him, not the other way around, yet she had the feeling he was seeking comfort as much as he was giving it. She closed her eyes and leaned back into his chest as the tears slipped down her cheeks.
“It’s okay,” he whispered into her ear.
She had no idea how long they stood there like that. After a while, she realised she wasn’t the only one crying. Jack’s chest heaved behind her as the sorrow seeped out of him, finally allowed release. She felt herself giving in to it, too, feeling safer somehow, with Jack behind her.
Trust me.
The first time he had said it to her, she had fought her head, and gone with her heart. Now, with his arms around her, it felt as if both head and heart were in sync finally.
As the tears and raw grief subsided, she turned in his arms. He put on a brave face, despite the red-rimmed eyes, smoothing her hair and tucking it behind her ear.
“He loved you, so much,” he whispered.
She sighed, nodding. The feeling was very mutual. “He loved you, too. You know that, right?”
He kissed her gently on the forehead, and a moment later, on the lips. She closed her eyes as his lips covered hers, salty and warm. It still felt surreal, like it was happening for the first time. His kiss felt different now, compared to before. Sweeter, somehow. Knowing. Patient.
Jack leaned against the kitchen table as Ally finished making coffee. All he wanted was to be near her. With the chaos that seemed to follow him wherever he went, she was the tranquility he craved. When he was around her, anything seemed possible.