He stood in her backyard after the call, slipping Tom’s phone into his pocket. Just hearing Jack’s voice after so long had rattled him. He had no idea if he would come home or not – Jack himself didn’t even seem sure at that stage, although Father David had since assured him that he was. He would do everything within his power to protect Ally. He wasn’t going to stand by and let him rip her apart all over again.
And yet here she was, the very next morning, fidgeting with her grandmother’s ring, clearly not having slept a wink. The haunted look was back in her eyes. Losing Tom was bad enough but knowing Jack was coming home was making everything worse. He pushed his anger into that box in the corner of his mind that bore Jack’s name and slammed the lid on it.
Turning to lean back against the sink, he sipped his coffee. “How’d you sleep?”
“Crappy.”
“Ditto.”
“Sorry,” she raked a hand through her long dark hair. “My couch isn’t exactly super comfy, I know. Thanks for staying though. I really appreciate it.”
“It suited me, too. I didn’t want to go home to an empty house.” He took another sip of his coffee. “And your couch isn’t that bad.”
That part was true, at least – although it wouldn’t have made any difference how comfortable the couch was because he didn’t sleep a wink anyway. His brain had been in overdrive, trying to make sense of everything. He missed Tom already. Ordinarily, he would’ve called him to talk things over, or gone over there and helped himself to coffee while they worked through things at the kitchen table. Much the same as what was happening here, only with more results. It was like trying to ram a square peg into a round hole – no matter which way he turned it, it wasn’t pretty. Jack was coming home. Things were about to get messy.
“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he lied. “Don’t worry.”
“Bullshit. Don’t you dare get all philosophical on me now.”
She stopped fidgeting with her grandmother’s ring and took a deep breath, planting her elbows on the table and resting her head in her hands, her face instantly hidden behind a curtain of dark hair.
“Okay, you caught me,” he admitted, pulling out a chair and sitting down opposite her. “I just thought that’s what you wanted to hear.”
“It’s not. I want the truth,” she said from behind her hair. “I want to be prepared and I can’t be if you start lying to me now.”
“Prepared for what?”
“For when I see him – for when he sees me.”
She looked up, smoothing her hair away from her face and resting her hands on the back of her neck. “I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do I talk to him? Do I listen to whatever it is he has to say? Or do I avoid him?”
He sucked in a breath through his teeth and regarded her over the table. She really wanted an unbiased opinion here? Was she crazy?
“What do you want to do?” he hedged.
“Will you stop answering a question with a question please? I just want a straight answer.”
He took a deep breath and dived in. “Okay. How’s this – whatever you want to do, I’ll stand by you, you know I will, but it has to be your decision.”
“That’s a crock,” she huffed, fixing him with a stare that would have cut glass.
“Fine, you want to know what I really think? I think that he’s gonna want to talk to you but I don’t think there’s a single thing he can say that will make a damn bit of difference now. I think the only thing that’s gonna come out of him being here is that he’s gonna turn you inside out and I’d do anything to stop him from doing that again.”
She stared down at her hands on the table in front of her.
“I also think I want to punch him in the face as soon as he shows up. I think I’d feel a whole lot better if I did that.”
Ally groaned, shaking her head. “For God’s sake.”
“Hey, you asked,” he shrugged. “But on the other hand, I also think it’d be damn interesting to hear what the hell he has to say for himself, find out how he justifies this.”
She was quiet for a moment. “So basically you’re no help whatsoever.”
“Sorry, kiddo.”
She sighed, absentmindedly stretching from side to side.
“Your back hurt?” He frowned.
“Just a little, nothing major.”
“Would a massage help?”
“No, it’s okay. But thanks.”
She reached up to scrape her hair back from her face with a bone-weary sigh, holding it there for a moment behind her head before letting it tumble down around her shoulders again.
“I don’t want to talk to him,” she said. “I don’t really think there’s any point now. I don’t know if we have anything to say to each other after all this time. I mean, his actions spoke for themselves, didn’t they?”
Callum nodded slowly, waiting as she talked it through.
“But, on the other hand, I think I need to hear him say it, anyway – whatever the excuse is, whatever he’s told himself was the reason.” He had no idea who she thought she was convincing. “I guess I just want him to know that I’m alright, that I didn’t need him – that I don’t need him.”
She had to know that was a lie, just like he did, but he didn’t call her on it. If that’s what she was hanging on to, he didn’t want to be the one to take it away from her.
“Whatever you want to do, I’ve got your back – we all have.”