A Stranger at Castonbury

chapterr Fifteen

It was a lovely day, Catalina thought as she leaned back on the fine leather seats of Jamie’s curricle. The sun was shining in a pale blue sky and the breeze smelled of flowers and fresh earth. She had seen Lydia off on her picnic excursion and then walked out of the Castonbury gates and across the Park to meet Jamie, which gave her a chance to look at the land in all its glory. All its beautiful potential to be as grand as it once was.

It was a day she wished would never quite end. The sun on her face, Jamie by her side—it was perfect. And so was the forgiveness they had exchanged; the past was in the past. It had to be.

‘What are you smiling about, Catalina?’ Jamie asked. She glanced at him from under the brim of her bonnet to see that he smiled too.

The sight of it made her heart feel even lighter. He had always been such a serious man, ever since she first met him, but here at Castonbury he seemed to brood even more, as if so much hung over him. Yet his smile was so very beautiful. She wished she could see it every day.

‘I was just thinking what a fine day it is,’ she answered. ‘Castonbury is such a lovely place.’

Jamie glanced at the fields to either side of the lane, endless expanses of green that rolled away to the horizon. The chimneys of the house could just be seen in the distance, like sentinels over this perfect little world.

‘Yes,’ he said quietly. ‘It is a pretty place.’

‘You must be glad to be home.’

Jamie was quiet for a long moment. ‘I fear I had begun to forget what Castonbury looked like during my time in Spain. The details of it grew hazy in my mind, and I only remembered it as a sort of prison. A trap.’

‘A trap?’ Catalina said in surprise. ‘Your home?’

‘When I was younger, it never felt quite like my home. I grew up on tales of the great Montagues, of our ancestors who held this important place in English history and accomplished so much to the glory of our name. I knew the stories were meant to make me feel my place in this line of greatness, but it always seemed so remote from what I felt inside. Castonbury felt like a chain to bind me.’

‘And that was really why you went to Spain?’ Catalina said quietly, afraid to shatter this moment of intimacy between them. Of truth. Of what they had built last night in the folly.

Jamie nodded. ‘I had a wildness in me that had to find some way to escape. The army, fighting the enemy, it seemed like a way to do that.’

‘To find your own place in the world.’

‘Yes.’ He glanced at her and she saw the dark shadow in his grey eyes. The same shadow that had seemed to hang over her own life for so long. ‘I thought I could prove my own worth to myself there, away from my family.’

‘When I was growing up I also learned so many tales of what was expected of me, as a Spanish woman, as a Perez promised to marry a Moreno. Every moment of my life was regimented. I was told how to do everything. And I could see the years stretching before me, more of the same,’ Catalina said. ‘It made me want to scream, to beat my fists against it all until it let me free!’

‘Yes,’ Jamie said intensely. ‘That was how I felt when I was younger. I was sure Giles or Harry would make a much better heir than me. They never seemed to have this—this darkness inside of them.’

Catalina smiled at him. ‘I am sure they did not want the weight of those expectations any more than you did.’

Jamie laughed. ‘No, indeed. Giles says he never had a happier day than when he learned I was returning and he would not have to be the duke. He and Lily can make their own life for themselves.’

Catalina wondered what that would be like, to make her own choices. She had tried it when she left Seville to nurse, and it had just led her here. ‘My brother was also a man with all his family’s hopes pinned on him. My mother wept for days when he ran away to work with the liberal factions against the king.’

‘He was doing what he believed in, just as you did when you came to help our armies,’ Jamie said. ‘You were both very brave, credits to your family name.’

‘Were we? My parents would never have thought so,’ Catalina said quietly. ‘My brother saw his hopes for Spain crushed, and I was selfish when I left my home in Seville. But I have no regrets, and neither would my brother. Our souls would have withered if we had stayed.’ She laid her gloved hand gently over Jamie’s where he held the reins. ‘You have another chance here with your family, a chance to rebuild Castonbury as you think it should be. I could never have done that with my home. I could never have really belonged there.’

Jamie turned his hand to wrap his fingers around hers. ‘Do you not think you could ever make Castonbury your home as well?’

‘Castonbury?’ Catalina cried, shocked. ‘How could it be?’

‘Do you not like it?’

‘I...’ She turned her head to look out at those distant chimneys again. She could like Castonbury, probably far too much. She also cared for Jamie far too much to be one of those chains he spoke of. ‘I don’t see how anyone could not like it. It’s such a beautiful house.’

He shot her a crooked, rueful smile. ‘Then it’s merely the house’s heir you don’t like.’

‘Oh, Jamie,’ Catalina said with a laugh. ‘I think you know that dislike is the furthest thing I feel for you.’

‘Yet you will not do the sensible thing and be my wife again.’

Did he want her as his wife? It sounded suspiciously to her as if he wanted the matchmakers off his back, and being married to her would be a convenient way to do that. But eventually he would be sorry for that. ‘It would not be so very sensible to put your family to yet another shock, so soon after you returned from the dead. I don’t want to be another chain for you, Jamie.’

Jamie shook his head. ‘I am not that wild boy any longer, Catalina. I learned my lesson very well in Spain. This is my place—this is my task in life.’ He shot her a burning glance. ‘I don’t want to do it alone.’

‘All the better to think this over very carefully,’ Catalina said calmly, even as her heart ached. She wanted so much to be the one to help him, to stand with him. She truly still loved him, even more than she had in Spain. But she wanted him to love her too, not see her as a ‘sensible’ solution to his problem, one he would later regret.

The carriage rolled into town, and Catalina opened her parasol to shield her face from the sun and the glances of any passers-by. The streets were not crowded at that time of day, and they were soon drawing up at Alicia’s house on its quiet street.

Jamie climbed down from the high seat and came around to help Catalina, his hand lingering on hers. She waited as he tied up the horse, surreptitiously studying the empty pavement from under her parasol.

‘Do you think Webster could be watching us now?’ she whispered.

‘I hope so, the bastard,’ Jamie said firmly. ‘Alicia wrote to him that she was working on a new scheme concerning me and begged him to call on her and offer his assistance. She has not yet had a reply. He is probably hiding and watching, like the coward he is. Skulking around parties and assemblies.’

Catalina glanced up at the house, so serene behind its brick walls and shuttered windows. She hated the thought of a man like Webster watching it, plotting harm to the people inside. Even if it was Alicia Walters.

‘What of her child?’ Catalina asked as Jamie led her up the front steps and knocked at the door. ‘Is he safe here?’

‘I believe she has taken to leaving him with the neighbour, a kindly widow, at times,’ he said. ‘And I have been keeping watch.’

The door swung open and Alicia stood there. She looked older than Catalina remembered from Spain, her blue eyes red-rimmed and strained. Yet she still wore quiet, respectable clothes, her hair pinned back in a simple knot. Her eyes widened when she saw Catalina and she gave a quick curtsey.

‘Mrs Moreno,’ Alicia said. ‘I am so glad you came.’ She stepped aside to let them in. ‘I was afraid you might not, and I did so want to talk to you.’

‘It has been a long time since we last saw each other,’ Catalina answered.

‘Indeed. And so much has happened.’ Alicia led them into a small sitting room where a tea tray waited. Children’s toys were stacked neatly by the wall, and a work box sat open on a table. ‘When I learned you were alive, well—I was very glad to know it. You were very kind to me in Spain. You and Lord Hatherton both.’

And yet she had repaid him with deceptions. Catalina did not say it aloud, but Alicia blushed as if she guessed her thoughts.

Catalina suddenly felt terrible for judging her so hastily. Was she herself not deceiving Jamie’s family? Had she not felt desperation and grief too? She sat down and accepted a cup of tea from Alicia.

‘We have both had many trials in the past years,’ Catalina said softly.

‘But I fear mine have been of my own making,’ Alicia answered.

‘Have you heard from Webster?’ Jamie asked.

Alicia shook her head. ‘But I did think I saw him again last night, across the street. He does not trust me, I think, yet he is greedy enough to want a part in any new scheme. I am sure he will be quite desperate by now and will soon make his move.’

‘We will be ready for him,’ Jamie said. ‘Mr Everett still asks about you, Miss Walters. He wants to help in any way he can.’

Mr Everett? The Castonbury estate manager? Catalina watched, intrigued, as Alicia’s blush deepened.

‘No, I won’t have him in any trouble because of me,’ Alicia said. ‘But I am anxious to hear any other plan you might have, Lord Hatherton.’

They talked a little longer about possible ways to track down Webster, with Alicia casting shy glances Catalina’s way, before the shadows of the day grew darker and Catalina and Jamie had to turn back towards Castonbury. They drove down the road for a while in silence, turning over everything they had heard from Alicia, until Jamie drew in the horse.

‘Let us walk for a while,’ he said. ‘It’s such a fine day.’

‘What a good idea,’ Catalina answered. It was a fine day, one of those rare perfect summer days that felt like they would last for ever but were then gone in an instant. Just like her time with Jamie.

He led the horse as they strolled down the lane, past the fields where men were working in the distance. Catalina took off her bonnet and let the sun wash over her.

‘Does all this belong to Castonbury?’ she asked, gesturing to the fields and the woods beyond.

‘Yes,’ Jamie said. ‘And more just past that way that has been fallow for a long time. I have been consulting with many of the other farmers in the neighbourhood to see what best use they can be put to. There has been too much waste at Castonbury.’

‘So you are turning farmer?’ Catalina said with a teasing smile. ‘I could not have envisioned it.’

Jamie laughed. ‘I would not have thought it myself in my soldiering days. But I must do my best for Castonbury. Phaedra and her husband have made a good beginning with the stables here now. I can do my part with the farm and the tenants.’

‘You were a formidable leader in Spain, Jamie,’ she said. ‘Your home will surely prosper with you here now.’

‘Even if I know nothing about sheep or cows or crop rotations?’

‘You will learn,’ she said.

‘I am trying. Once Webster is out of the way...’

‘Which he will be very soon!’

‘Then I can really turn my attention to the estate. But the house needs a mistress. It has not really had one since my mother died.’

A proper mistress for Castonbury—a proper duchess. Yes, that would be the crown of Jamie’s homecoming, Catalina was sure of it. She looked out over the fields and imagined it as hers, as theirs. It would be a dream to build such a life here.

But she loved Jamie, and she couldn’t be selfish, grasping on to what she wanted with no thought to what would be best for him. She would not let the past they shared tie him down now.

She smiled up at him. ‘We should be getting back. They’ll be returning from the picnic soon, and Lydia will be rushing to tell me all about it.’

Jamie raised his brow, and Catalina could tell he saw through her quick change of subject. But he let the topic of a duchess for Castonbury drop. ‘Your charge is a charming young lady. You seem very fond of her.’

‘I am. It has been a pleasure to spend time with her.’

‘She appears to have an admirer in Mr Hale.’

‘Yes. I am not sure I should encourage their attachment,’ Catalina said.

‘My sister says Mr Hale is considered quite eligible in the neighbourhood. All the young ladies wear their finest bonnets to Sunday services now, I hear.’

Catalina laughed. ‘Her guardian did hope for a, shall we say, grander match. But I think a country vicarage would suit Miss Westman very well.’

‘What if I were to put in a good word for Mr Hale with her guardian?’

When Jamie himself was meant to be the ‘grander match’? Catalina wasn’t sure it would help, but any ally she could find for Lydia would be welcome. ‘That would be very kind of you, Jamie. Thank you.’

‘I want to help you in any way I can, Catalina,’ he said quietly. ‘If you will only let me.’

Catalina wasn’t sure what to say. Her heart was pounding at his words. She nodded silently, and they continued on with their walk in silence through the lovely summer day.

* * *

Jamie studied the way the sun shone on Catalina’s hair, turning it to a gleaming ebony. She turned her face up to its warmth and smiled, and for a moment she looked so very happy.

He suddenly had the urgent desire to make her feel like that every day. To make all her moments happy and free of any care or trouble. Because all of the happiest moments in his life had been spent with her.

When he thought she was dead, everything had gone grey and blank. It had been one of the reasons he took on the secret task in Spain; without her he hadn’t cared about anything. Perhaps he had even hoped he might truly die. But then he saw her again, here at Castonbury, and all seemed right again.

As he watched her smile up at the sun, it hit him like an explosion—Catalina was his wife. She had been since that day in Spain, and she always would be even if she pushed him away. He didn’t know what her real reasons were for running from him now, but he would find them out and overcome them all. He would find a way to make her stay.

Because he suddenly realised he could not go on without her. That he loved her, and she was his true wife. She always had been, and he wanted her always to be so....