A Forever Christmas

Chapter Eleven

For a moment, when he pulled up to his house, Gabe experienced a feeling of déjà vu.

He thought that he was going to have to carry Angel into his house the way he had that first evening he’d brought her home.

His mouth curved as he vividly recalled that evening. At the time, it had seemed the simplest thing to do: bring the beautiful amnesia victim into his house just for the night and decide what to do about the situation in the morning.

Except somehow, that decision was reached.

Never explored.

Somehow or other, as one day fed into another, there were so many other things to deal with that finding another place for Angel didn’t come up.

Seeing her like this now, sitting in the passenger seat, her head against the headrest, her eyes closed, stirred up all sorts of things within him: nostalgia, desire and a host of other feelings he knew he wasn’t free to act upon.

Automatically slipping his key into his pocket the moment he turned off the engine, Gabe was about to get out of the truck and come around to her side when he heard her ask, “When are you getting your tree?”

With a self-deprecating laugh, Gabe settled back in his seat for a second and looked at her. Her eyes were open, which meant she wasn’t talking in her sleep. “I thought you were asleep.”

“Just resting my eyes,” she told him.

That wasn’t exactly the whole truth. She’d fallen asleep for a minute or two, lulled by the sway of the vehicle and the long day she’d just put in. But she’d woken up the second he’d brought his truck to a stop before his house.

“You didn’t answer my question,” she pointed out. “When are you getting your tree?”

“I wasn’t really planning on it,” he confessed. “My dad always has a really tall tree in his living room that we all help decorate, and, knowing Alma, she’ll have one at her place, too. I didn’t see the need to get a tree for my house, especially since it was just going to be me. All that work for just one person seemed like a waste to me.”

“Not that I agree with you, but even so, it’s not just you anymore,” she reminded him, her eyes holding his prisoner. “Unless you want me to leave.”

“No!” he cried, uttering the single word with a great deal more feeling than he’d intended. “No,” he repeated, clearing his throat and sounding a lot more subdued this time around.

He didn’t want her to think he’d prevent her from leaving—if that was what she wanted. But neither did he want her to think he was holding his breath, just waiting for her to leave.

“Of course I don’t want you to leave. I guess that with everything that’s been going on—trying to find out who you are, looking for a missing-persons file on you—I haven’t been thinking beyond the moment.” He shrugged now, trying to seem open to either decision. “Sure, we can get a tree if you’d like.”

“When?” she asked with far more eager enthusiasm than he’d thought she was capable of right now, given that she’d done a great deal of climbing up and down the ladder, hanging decorations while balancing herself at precarious angles.

Well, it was much too late to go cut one down now, he thought.

“Tomorrow, I guess. Why? You didn’t get enough of decorating today?” he teased. Her eyes, he noticed, were sparkling like a child’s anticipating a meeting with Santa Claus himself.

“Never enough,” she enthused. “I was kind of sorry when Miss Joan declared the tree done,” she confided. “We could have at least put more tinsel on it.”

Gabe laughed and shook his head as he got out of the truck, walked to her side and held the door open. “Any more tinsel and that tree was liable to fall over.”

Without thinking, he slipped his arm around her shoulders, momentarily indulging in a one-arm hug as they walked up to his door. “You’re really one of a kind, Angel,” he marveled. And then he paused just before opening the front door as a thought struck him. “Did decorating the tree remind you of anything?”

“You mean did it make me remember?” He nodded, watching her expression, searching for a glimmer that hinted she was trying to pin down even a fragment of a memory. He saw nothing. “Almost,” she admitted. “But every time I tried to reach for it, for any of the half shadows that slip in and out of my head so fast, they’re gone before I even realize they’d been there. I wind up with nothing,” she told him, a deep sigh accompanying her words.

“Maybe you should stop trying,” he advised, not for the first time.

He closed the door behind them at the same time that he turned on the closest light switch. The lightbulb above their heads popped as the filament sent a surge of electricity through it. Just like that, darkness reclaimed the house.

“Don’t move,” Gabe instructed. “I’ll turn on the next light.”

Feeling his way around, he tried to make his way to the light switch leading into the family room. Instead, he managed to find his way to Angel. His outstretched fingers came in contact with something soft and he instantly knew it was her.

Gabe pulled his hand back. “Sorry,” he murmured.

“That’s okay,” she said, absolving him of any wrongdoing. “I’m not,” he heard her whisper.

Frustrated, wanting her more than was good for either one of them, Gabe momentarily halted his search for the light switch.

“You know,” he complained honestly, “you’re really not making this any easier.”

“Making what any easier?” she wanted to know.

Was it his imagination, or had she taken a step closer? “Keeping away from you.”

“Do you really want to?” She asked the question so quietly, for a brief moment he thought that perhaps he’d just imagined it—or she was communicating with him via her thoughts rather than any spoken word.

He also could have sworn his throat was tightening. “I think you know the answer to that.”

“Tell me,” she coaxed, her voice a sultry whisper.

He tried to steel himself—and failed. “No, I don’t really want to.”

“Then why?”

The words were softly whispered against his ear. He had to consciously struggle against giving in to the shiver.

“Because it’s not fair to you,” he told her. “You’re dealing with a lot here, trying to remember your life before November 26 is just part of it. If I let my guard down,” he said, thinking of all that entailed, all that would result from that simple act of omission, “and then somewhere down the line, you remember that there’s another man in your life who you promised to love to the end of your days—”

“There isn’t,” she told him.

She said it with such finality, he almost believed her. He wanted to believe her. But, given her circumstances, he had to challenge her words. “You have amnesia. How can you say that with such certainty?” he added.

“I don’t know,” she admitted freely, “I just can. It’s a feeling more than anything else. I wasn’t married in that life I can’t remember,” she told him, confident that she was right. “It’s nothing I can prove, it’s just something that I know.”

As she spoke, she drew closer to him until she was so close he could feel each breath she took as her chest rose, brushing against his. When she exhaled, he felt her breath along his skin.

His gut tightened in response as he struggled to hold himself in check.

He wanted to believe her. Wanted so badly just to take her into his arms, to make love with her and not fear the ramifications and consequences that were waiting for them just beyond the night.

But there would be ramifications and there would be consequences.

Gabe gave it one more try. “I need to find the light, Angel.”

“It’s right here,” she whispered to him. He could feel her rise up on her toes, could feel her mouth teasing his as she spoke. “Inside me. Can’t you see it? You make me glow.”

He could feel himself weakening rapidly. “Oh, damn, Angel, you could break a saint.”

“I don’t want a saint,” Angel told him, her eyes never leaving his. “I want you.”

Gabe groaned as he surrendered, fully aware that tomorrow there would be hell to pay and most likely a mountain of regrets. If not tomorrow, then somewhere down the line.

But tonight, there was only her, only him and this bonfire of desire burning between them.

Closing his arms around Angel, he pulled her tightly against him, the hard contours of his body finding solace in her soft curves. The next moment, he sealed his mouth to hers.

The darkness became their friend rather than something to try to banish or to hold at bay. It enveloped them as one kiss flowered into another and then another.

And with each kiss, his desire for her grew. It grew at such a startlingly fast rate that he found he could hardly breathe. Wanting her consumed him, but he did what he could to hold himself in check. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten Angel because, Lord knew, feeling like this certainly managed to scare the hell out of him.

The rush he was experiencing was very nearly overpowering and stronger than anything he had ever encountered.

It was as if he had never desired a woman before, never wanted to make love with a woman to this degree before.

Never loved before.

The single four-letter word sliced at him, making him even more fearful.

And yet, short of the world coming to an end, he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from making love with her.

And maybe not even then.

* * *

ANGEL REALIZED THAT she was operating on pure instincts, following her body’s urgings. Following them to a place she was utterly certain she had never been to before.

With every touch of his hand to her body, with every kiss exchanged, she felt her body heating a little more, felt desire consuming her a little more. Each pass took a little more out of her, propelled her a little further into this new, mysterious and wondrous place that Gabe had carved out for her.

For them.

As far as she knew, this was a completely new experience for her, one that, somewhere deep in her soul, she’d somehow known was waiting for her.

But only with this man.

Gabe had saved her life in more ways than one. In effect, he had given her her life, and everything she was or would ever be was because of him. In return for that, he’d asked her for nothing.

Which was why she’d given him her heart.

As desire fueled by eagerness continued to grow within her, she found that both her clothes and his began to disappear, vanishing in a haze and shed almost as quickly as any small, inconsequential inhibitions that might have been lingering.

She wanted Gabe to take her, to make her body sing. To make love with her until she all but sobbed with relief.

Angel arched into his touch, stifling a cry of pure ecstasy as she felt his lips pass over her body.

At least twice, if not more, she’d felt as if she was stepping out of her own body and watching everything unfold before her.

A spectator at her own field of joy.

It was incredible.

Her body ached for him as Gabe, murmuring endearments, led her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed, then slowly slid his body along hers again until he was level with her and his eyes were looking into her depths.

Anticipation roared through her veins.

“Now,” she whispered hoarsely. “Now.”

But when Gabe grasped her, ever so lightly, by her shoulders, a sense of panic suddenly barreled in out of nowhere and exploded within her.

He felt her instantly stiffening beneath him, heard the change in her breathing. It was rapid now, not from any sort of anticipation of pleasure but from direct fear. Exercising what was quite possibly the very greatest effort of restraint of his life, Gabe forced himself to stop, and drew back.

His eyes searched her face for a clue. Angel seemed terrified, he realized. Why? “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe,” she cried. Without his weight—and his hands—restraining her, she bolted upright, dragging air into her lungs like a near-drowning victim.

Gabe’s first instinct was to hold her in order to calm her, but he had a feeling that would only bring the opposite results. So he held himself in check until he could sort out exactly what had set her off and what was happening here.

He made the only logical assumption. “You remembered something, didn’t you?”

“No!”

The denial was automatic, as if she’d been quizzed about her reaction more than once before and this was the answer she gave time and time again. It was, he had a feeling, the expected answer.

But for who?

Angel drew in more air, this time more slowly as she struggled to get hold of herself. After a beat, calmer, she looked up at him.

“Yes,” she answered, bewildered and drained. Rocking, she locked her arms around herself. “He was forcing himself on me, holding my shoulders down so I wouldn’t fight him off.”

Angel’s mouth dropped open. She seemed as startled by what she’d just said as Gabe was to hear it.

“Who?” Gabe asked, trying his best not to press her too hard. He wanted her to think, to remember, and he knew she couldn’t if he cornered her. “Who was forcing himself on you, Angel?” he asked more gently.

“I don’t know.” The frustration was back, spilling out in her tears. “I don’t know,” she repeated. Angel closed her eyes, but there was nothing. Opening them again, she exhaled a shaky breath as she dragged her hand through her hair. “I can’t see him, can’t seem to make him out.”

Very carefully, Gabe slipped his arm around her shoulders. But rather than pull away or resist him, she relaxed. He could feel her tension draining from her. Whatever had slashed through her moments ago had been leeched out, leaving her exhausted.

Angel leaned her head against his shoulder. “Why can’t I remember, Gabe?” she demanded. “Or, if I can’t remember, why can’t I just forget about it completely?”

She hated being stuck like this, half in limbo, half out.

“Because you’re a strong woman and you want to face whatever demons are secretly tormenting you. And you will,” he promised, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “And when you do, I’ll be right there, facing them with you. I’m not leaving you to deal with this alone.”

She raised her head to look at him. He was making her a promise, she realized.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“Nothing to feel sorry about,” he told her. “We don’t have to do anything. We can just lie here together until you fall asleep.”

“No,” she said after a moment.

“You want me to go?” he asked.

Moved, she cupped her hand against his cheek, caressing it. Warm feelings stirred within her and grew warmer. “No, I want you to make love with me, Gabe,” she said quietly.

He turned her hand palm side up and pressed a kiss to it. He heard her draw in a breath in renewed anticipation.

“Are you sure, Angel?” he asked. He didn’t want to do anything that would bring back that frightened look he’d just seen.

“I’m sure,” she told him with certainty. “Make the demons go away, Gabe.”

She was asking a lot of him, but he wasn’t going to fail her, he silently swore.

Drawing her back into his arms, he started making love to her very slowly, kissing only her lips until she all but melted against him. And then he widened his scope, anointing her throat, her shoulders, working his way down to the sensitive insides of her elbows.

Hearing her sigh as his own blood heated, he kissed one breast at a time until she was all but panting beneath him. Her pleasure was his aphrodisiac.

He trailed his lips along her belly. It quivered in response.

Angel twisted and turned against him, attempting to absorb every sensation, clinging to the ever-growing surge of desire. Catching her breath as each arrow of desire shot through her.

All the while, she was determined that the shadowy figure would be vanquished by this man she’d entrusted with her heart.

This time, when he came to her, Gabe deliberately switched their positions, gently guiding her hips until she was the one over him. She looked down at him with wonder and he smiled, silently coaxing her to take the lead. The exhilaration he saw in her eyes aroused him to a higher degree.

Driving himself into her, gently but forcefully, he could feel her arching against him, letting him know that she wanted this union as much as he did.

Locked in an embrace, their souls sealed to each other, they quickly built up the rhythm that would in turn usher them to the ultimate moment.

And when they reached it, when a shower of lights and sounds and feelings finally rained down on both of them, they clung to each other, each trusting the other to keep them safe and whole, and out of harm’s way.