A Beautiful Forever

chapter 28

Elliot

I can’t sleep, not even for a second, on the plane. Every time I close my eyes, I see her face. So I spend a full day flying and staring

at the vacant seat beside me hoping that she’ll somehow materialise next to me.

Life is so shit sometimes. Being trapped on a plane with nothing but your thoughts for company causes you to run through every

emotion possible. At first, I was upset that she wasn’t with me, then I was angry that she didn’t trust me to understand, then I tried to

put myself in her life, so I could understand why she’d think that way.

One thing was very clear to me when I got off that plane – I need to go back. I don’t care what Paige did in her past, I only care about

what she does in her future, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that future is with me.

My mother is waiting for me when I exit the terminal. I attempt to look happy as she’s smiling and waving at me excitedly. I can see

her looking around me because she’s expecting to see Paige with me.

As I get closer, I see the realisation dawn on her face, I shake my head. “She’s not here,” I say flatly.

She immediately pulls me to her, hugging me tightly. “Welcome home, sweetheart,” she says before she holds me at arm’s length

and looks into my face, searching my expression. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Shaking my head, I let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m so angry right now mum, but I need to go back; I need to go back now.”

My mother sighs as she reaches up and cups my face in her hands. “You can’t go back now. You'd never get through customs - they’

d send you straight back home. But we’ll get you back as soon as we can.”

I’m aware that I can’t go straight back as a tourist after working there for three months, they’d suspect me of trying to work without a

visa and refuse me entry. I feel so powerless right now. I wish it was as easy jumping on a plane and going back to her, but it’s not. I’

m going to have to apply again. I'm going to have to do this right or risk never being able to return.

Trying to keep my breathing steady I hug my mother and draw as much comfort from her as I can. It doesn’t matter how old you get.

A hug from your mother always helps.

She drives me back to my place and walks me inside, trying to make some small talk about things that have happened while I’ve

been gone.

I know I’m not answering her properly, but I can’t right now. I feel so helpless in my own destiny at the moment, the woman I love is on

the other side of the world and there’s nothing I can do but wait.

I collapse in exhaustion on my couch as my mother brings me a cup of coffee and some cake she’s brought around.

“I put some meals in the fridge for you, just to try and help you get through the jetlag so you don’t have to worry about cooking or

shopping,” she tells me.

I reach over to her and give her arm a gentle squeeze as thanks as I stare out the window.

“Elliot…what happened?”

I squeeze my eyes shut and take a breath before I answer. “She left me.”

“Do you want to tell me why, did something happen?”

Sitting up I place my mug on the coffee table in front of me. “Nothing happened mum. She's just had a really shitty life and has got it

in her head that no one could love her once they know her whole story.”

My mother regards me quietly, taking a sip of her tea before speaking, “But you obviously do.”

“Yes mum, I do. I know everything, and I don’t care. I love her so much it hurts me; it hurts so much.”

She comes over and sits behind me, taking my hand in hers. “You do what you need to do Elliot. I’ll do whatever I can to help you get

back to her.”

I nod my head and stare at her hand on mine. Everything just hurts so much right now, like there’s this hollow pit inside of me that is

tearing at my soul. It’s horrible.

“I’m worried about you Elliot, perhaps I should stay – I’ll give Steve a ring and let him know I won’t be home,” mum says as she

searches through her bag for her phone.

“No mum, I’m fine – I just need to sleep. You can go. Tell Steve I said ‘hi', and I’ll call you tomorrow ok?”

Looking at me with worried eyes, my mother withdraws her hand from her back, letting out a heavy sigh. “Alright sweetheart, but if

you haven’t called me by midday, I’ll come hunting for you,” she threatens half-heartedly.

I thank her for everything and kiss her good-bye before I go and collapse onto the couch, my feet hanging over the end. I can’t even

be bothered making it to the bedroom.

Despite my exhaustion, I lie there for almost an hour, unable to sleep. Grabbing my keys, I get into my car and head to the bottle

shop where I pick up some wild turkey, take it home and drink it straight from the bottle. What the f*ck to I care about a glass right

now?

I obviously have a need to punish myself because I pull my damaged phone out of my bag and plug it into my laptop, downloading all

the data off it. I spend the rest of the night sitting on the couch, getting thoroughly smashed, as I flick through the images of Paige

and me in London. When I land on the one of her in the hotel room, when she let me take a picture of her back, I stare at it for a long

time. It’s the last one I took when everything between us was perfect. I f*cking knew something was up all week; I should have

pushed her to talk to me – we could have sorted this out.

I pull my sim card out of the broken phone and put it inside an old one, scrolling through the contacts until I come to her number.

Everyone knows you shouldn’t drunk dial, but when you’re drunk, you really don’t give a shit about stuff like that. I reach for my

landline phone and dial. It takes a little while to connect but when her voice fills my ears, I can hardly speak.





Paige


My phone flashes the word ‘international’ as it rings causing my heart to lodge itself firmly in my chest. I grab for it, needing to talk to

him one last time – who else could it possibly be? “Hello?” I say down the line, “Elliot? Is that you?”

“It’s me,” he says back, his voice sounds strange; it's slurred.

“Have you been drinking?”

He sighs, “What does it matter Paige?”

He’s right. I feel instantly bad for questioning him. “I’m sorry Elliot. I'm so so sorry, are you ok?”

“How could I possibly be ok Paige?”

Tears sting my eyes as I start to cry, it feels like his pain is pouring into me over the telephone. “I’m sorry,” is all I can say.

“Just tell me you love me Paige. I just want to hear you say it.”

“I love you Elliot,” I force out through my tears. “With every fibre of my being, I love you.”

I hear him sigh. I can hear breathing that is thick with emotion. My chest hurts; it's so painful being connected to him when he’s so far

away.

“I’m coming back for you Paige.”

“Don’t Elliot, please don’t - this can’t work.”

“F*ck you Paige, you don’t get to decide this. I’m coming back – deal with it.”

My mouth drops open in surprise as the line disconnects, and I burst into tears all over again. He can’t come back. He's not

supposed to. Our relationship was supposed to be a beautiful moment in time, it’s not supposed to be forever – people like me don’

t get a forever. I spent my past prostituting myself for accommodation, for food, for alcohol and for drugs and that lifestyle cost a

baby girl her life – people like me don’t get happy endings, I shouldn’t even have a life at all.





Elliot


A loud banging on my front door wakes me from my alcohol-induced sleep. I sit up slowly and eye the almost empty bottle sitting

open on the coffee table, screwing the lid back on and pushing it away.

My laptop is sitting open, so I hit the space bar to wake it up, expecting to find pictures of Paige. I need to set eyes on her, even if it’

s just a photo. Instead, the website for the UK Border Agency is on the screen; I've applied for a new Visa.

Bang bang bang! “Come on Elliot! We know you’re home!” I hear on the other side of the door.

I drag my eyes away from the computer screen and go and open the door, standing on the other side is my old Uni friend, Gary, and

his wife Stephanie.

“You look like shit,” Gary says as he takes in my appearance.

“Oh my god, Elliot! Did you bathe in bourbon?! You reek!” Stephanie complains, fanning her hand in front of her nose.

“Nice to see you both too,” I deadpan.

“Sorry sweetheart, we just weren’t expecting – well… this,” Stephanie says gesturing at my appearance.

“It’s been a shitty couple of days, come on in,” I say standing to the side.

Stephanie goes straight into my kitchen and tells me she’s going to make a strong pot of coffee. I don’t complain because I really

need to check what I did last night. I can’t believe I applied for a Visa while I was off my face. I go into my email and check all the

confirmations. I’ve set up my biometric interview and everything. Shit.

Stephanie walks back into the lounge room balancing the three coffees she has made and Gary, who’s been sitting on the other

couch watching me curse myself repeatedly, jumps up to help her.

I nod as she places my coffee beside me on the table and continue to wildly scan my application, checking that all the details I gave

were correct.

“Elliot,” she starts. “Is there something wrong? Is there something we can do?”

“No just – ” I click through to the last page of my application and let out a steady breath. It’s fine; I didn’t f*ck it up. I sit back on the

couch and put my hands on either side of my head, suddenly laughing.

Gary and Stephanie are both looking at me wide eyed, “Everything ok mate?” Gary ventures.

“More than ok, everything is great,” I tell him, smiling like an idiot.

“Well, how was your trip? Oh! What did you think of Naomi – she’s cute huh?” Stephanie asks.

“The trip was… life changing. I’m going back there to live.”

“What!” they both say in unison.

“I met someone on the way over there – not Naomi sorry, but she's a nice girl though - Her name is Paige and she’s staying there

indefinitely so I'm going back there for her.”

I tell them about Paige, show them a couple of photos but avoid talking about all the bullshit that kept her there. I don’t want to focus

on any of that right now. I just need to focus on getting back to her. The whole process will take around three months, and I need to

be patient until then.

As I sit back and drink my coffee, listening to Stephanie and Gary as they catch me up on their lives while I’ve been away, the

memory of talking to Paige last night filters back to me. She said she loves me with every fibre of her being. I have to convince her to

stop trying to let me go because I don’t want a life without her. I’m not going to let her ruin this.