Kat looked at the gold lettering on the marble stating the date of his death. It seemed like only yesterday. She pulled her coat closer around herself and crouched down so she was eye level with his name.
“Hey, Daddy,” she whispered. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last visit. Life’s pretty crazy.” She smiled, mapping the D of his name with her index finger. “Work is good; my students are great.” She laughed lightly, proudly. “They really listen to me now, and it feels like I’m making a difference. Daddy, I …” Lifting her face toward the angry sky, she closed her eyes. “I think about what you said to me that night all the time, about making a difference, about giving back. And I need you to know that I’m trying so hard to do right by you.” She took a deep breath. “I wanted to tell you that I—I have feelings for … someone and I’m scared you’ll think badly of me.” Kat peered at her mother. “I know Mom will.”
Like a flipbook in her mind, Kat recalled all the comments and harsh looks her mother had sent over the past few months, every time her job was mentioned. “She doesn’t understand why I do what I do, and sometimes … sometimes, it makes me feel pulled. Trapped, as if I’m trying to do right by both of you, when I know I should be doing right for myself. That’s what you taught me, and … he makes me feel right. He’s made some mistakes, like we all have, but …” Kat’s hand gripped the top of the marble.
“But you have to know that he’s a good man. He’s taken some wrong turns in life and he can drive me absolutely crazy, but there is good there. I just know it.” Seeing her grandmother’s grave at the side of her father’s, she smiled.
“I know that wherever you are, you’re happy and looking out for me. I feel it in my heart every day.” Tears fell down her face. “I love you so much, Daddy, and I miss you. Please understand how I feel. I could fall so hard for him.”
As the words left Kat’s mouth—for one split second—the wind disappeared and the clouds parted above her, allowing a sliver of sun to shine through. The momentary warmth hit her back, making her body relax. And as she blinked at the sun she knew, deep in her soul, that her father had given her and Carter his blessing.
*
The plane ride from DC to Chicago had been comfortable and Kat smiled when Harrison met them at the airport terminal. Eva hugged him hard while he whispered lovingly into her hair. Kat had always been grateful for the infinite understanding that Harrison seemed to show in regard to her mother’s grief for her late husband. He seemed to know what she needed and when and never sounded wounded when she made the annual trip to Daniel’s graveside. Harrison and her father had been good friends for many years when he passed, and, although Kat’s mother had fought it, the two of them together made complete sense. Watching the two of them get reacquainted after three days apart, with kisses and small smiles, caused a small tug of yearning to occur in Kat’s chest. She wrapped her own arms around herself, trying to fool her body into thinking they belonged to a blue-eyed ex-con.
It didn’t work.
Harrison had arrived in Chicago the day before and had hired a car that the three of them piled into. Eva’s mother, whom Kat lovingly referred to as Nana Boo, always arranged a get-together at this time of year at her sprawling estate on the outskirts of Chicago. It was, she said, a way of celebrating the life of a man who had brought her daughter so much happiness, as well as a beautiful granddaughter.
As they drove through the city and out into the country, Kat pulled out her cell phone. It had been a few days since she’d heard from Carter. She couldn’t deny that she was missing him. A text from Austin came through as soon as she turned her cell phone back on.
Hope you enjoy Chicago. Text me to let me know you’re there safely. Sorry I couldn’t make it.
She swallowed in resignation. Beth had thought it a nice idea to invite Austin to Chicago for the celebration. Kat hadn’t been convinced, and had been relieved when Austin had had to cancel because of work. Texting excuses that got her out of drinks and dinner with him was one thing. Seeing him face-to-face? She’d have much preferred Carter there. She glanced at her mother and imagined the shitstorm his presence would cause. She exhaled heavily and began to type out a text.
Just wanted to make sure you weren’t finding the work too hard.
She scoffed inwardly, knowing without doubt that Carter would be able to complete the work tied to a chair and blindfolded. Kat’s cheeks immediately warmed as that image flashed behind her eyelids; only, in this fantasy, he was naked. Her cell vibrated against her thigh. Kat’s heart responded by doing a weird flip-flop staccato beat.
I’m good. The work is fine. Boring doing it alone tho. Missing me, huh?
Kat smiled and shook her head at his arrogance. The fact that he was right was irrelevant.
Oh yes, Carter, missing you enormously (sarcasm) Just arrived in Chicago.
Thought you were in DC? You’re missing me. I can tell.