“It does to me. It all matters. How I left, what happened when I got there, you have a right to know.”
“You look happy,” she said, trying not to remember how much she’d loved him, or that his son was in her belly, which he didn’t know and couldn’t see, but she would tell him later, in four more months. “I’m fine too. You gave us enormous gifts while you were here, both of us. You gave Salima independence, which is an incredible gift. And what we shared was wonderful. But some things aren’t meant to last. What we had didn’t. Let’s leave it there. You have Megan, and a new job to look forward to. You have a lot of life ahead of you, and I’m happy as I am.” She was trying to convince both him and herself as she said it, and he shook his head with a pained expression. He could see in her eyes how much he had hurt her.
“I left Megan three days after I got back to Caldwell.” He was staring at her intensely as he said it. “And I found out everything I needed to know. I can’t be with a woman that dishonest, even if she did leave Jack for me in the end. I don’t think she did. She left him for herself, which was the right thing to do. But that doesn’t obligate me to spend my life with her. I couldn’t. I’d have been miserable with her. I knew it after the first dinner I had with her. Nothing happened with Megan, Blaise. I wasn’t clear about it until I saw her, and then it was crystal clear. I wasn’t in love with her anymore. I was in love with you, and I still am. You may not want me anymore, and I don’t blame you if you feel that way, after four months of silence. But I needed to know more than that. I wanted to come back to you with a job I’m excited about, to know that I could bring something to the table other than truffle pasta and cheese soufflé. And I needed to be sure about one other thing, and I am. I wanted to be sure that I don’t care about having children, so I wouldn’t regret it later. I don’t need to have babies. I’d rather be with Salima and you. I love you, Blaise.” She saw all the pain he’d been through, and it was mirrored by her own, but they had both come out of it better people, whatever happened now. “I love you, and I don’t expect you to take me back. I just wanted you to know it, and that I wasn’t wasting my time for these four months. I was quiet because I needed to know how I really felt, about everything. I grew up. Maybe too late for you, but I did. And if you’re happy now, I’m glad. I can’t imagine the pain I must have caused you for the past four months while I was growing up.” She sat looking at him for a long time, and she wasn’t sure what to say. They had each grown and moved on, and had wound up in a different place. It was ironic, and she smiled at him.
“What made you decide to give up having kids?” she asked him.
“Because I love you more than any child, and I’d rather be with you. I wanted to be sure that I was okay about giving that up, and I am. I understand why you don’t want them, and I’m fine with it.” He had come to all the right conclusions, the ones she had hoped to hear, but he had arrived a little late.
“It’s strange how life works. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking too. I came to kind of a crossroads in March when I had to make a big decision, one of those life-changing moments when what you decide will affect the rest of your life. And I landed in the opposite place you did. I wish you had told me about Megan, by the way. It might have helped. I made all my decisions based on the assumption that you were back with her for good. It would have been nice to know you ended it with her after three days.” It would have spared her a lot of pain and suffering, but he hadn’t called. He hadn’t been ready for her yet, and maybe it was for the best, she realized now. Because she had made the right choice for herself, not for them, or him.
“I’m sorry,” he said humbly. “So what decision did you make in March?” A chill ran down his spine as he wondered if she was involved with someone else now, someone she loved more than him, maybe someone her own age who was more mature. He thought she looked more beautiful than ever, and wondered if that was why. “Are you involved with someone now, in a serious way?” His heart nearly stopped while he waited for the answer, and she nodded. He closed his eyes for a moment when she did. “I was such a fool,” he said softly, and then looked at her again with deep regret.