And hearing them from her room a little later, Blaise closed her eyes and listened to her daughter singing in her beautiful pure voice. She was singing old Barbra Streisand songs, and then switched to gospel songs, which Blaise always loved. And all Blaise could hope was that Zack Austin never found a reason to fire her, and no one else would take her place. She wished that Simon was right and she was untouchable because of who she was. But who she was, and how big she was, put her that much more at risk. The top was a lonely place to be, in a life that wasn’t perfect at all. And Simon had just gotten a glimpse of that for the first time. Most people never knew.
Not surprisingly, Blaise couldn’t sleep that night and decided to work late. Concentrating on her work always calmed her. She was doing early research for several political profiles she wanted to pitch to Charlie. And with Zack Austin watching her now, the heat was on. She had to be even better than she had been, to justify her existence and hold her own, although the ratings still loved her. But with changes in management, you never knew. She finished at two A.M., and was making herself a cup of warm milk, when Simon heard her and walked in. He was still dressed too.
Blaise smiled at him as she poured the milk into a mug. At that hour, tired, she looked vulnerable and younger than she was. And he looked tired too. He had been reading old e-mails from Meg, wondering how he had gotten into such a mess, sacrificed his integrity, and done something he knew was wrong. She was a married woman, and despite her promises that she didn’t keep, he had gone on. To him, loving her seemed like a poor excuse. He knew better than to do what he’d done. And this was the first time he had gotten involved with a married woman.
“You and Salima sound great together,” she complimented him, as she sat down at the kitchen table, and he smiled. “If all else fails, we can open a restaurant and nightclub. You cook, the two of you sing after dinner, and I can wait on tables,” she teased, and he laughed. At least she had a sense of humor about it, but he could see that she was worried and exhausted.
“That’ll never happen. They may give you a tough time, but they’d be suicidal to get rid of you. You’re an icon.”
“Even icons get fired. If my ratings ever slipped, I’d be dead meat in about five minutes.”
“That’s a hell of a way to live,” he commented.
“The fast lane. It comes at a high price.”
“Is it worth it?” he asked her honestly, curious about her. He liked how straightforward she was with him, and about everything. He had the feeling that he could ask her anything and she’d tell the truth. He had judged her well. It was why she and Harry were still friends. She was a woman eminently worthy of respect.
“Sometimes it’s worth it,” she said, looking thoughtful. “I love what I do. It’s exciting. I guess it’s glamorous, which isn’t why I do it. Maybe I love the challenge. I’ve had fun doing it for a lot of years. I don’t like the insecurity anymore, or the pressure. It’s like playing Russian roulette every day. But the highs are pretty high. It’s addictive.”
“I don’t think I could do it,” he said thoughtfully. “In fact, I know I couldn’t. I don’t like risk. I’m not a gambler, and I like a quiet life. And I don’t like playing by other people’s rules. My parents taught me that. My father is an inventor and he taught me to think outside the box. And my mom is pretty out there too. They’re both eccentric. But thinking outside the box is why I do what I do. I teach kids not to accept limitations, of any kind. If they can dream it, they can do it. My father taught me that.”
“But why at Caldwell?” she asked. She was curious about him too. He was so smart to be buried away in a small school in Massachusetts. She thought he was capable of more.
“I don’t know. It’s easy, comfortable. I’d like to work at a bigger school, like Perkins in Massachusetts outside Boston, or one of the big schools for the blind here in New York, like the Institute for Special Education. I kind of got stuck at Caldwell. I got involved with someone and didn’t want to leave. I haven’t started to resolve it until now. I was trapped. I think this break, with Caldwell closing for a while, is what I needed.”
“You got involved with someone at the school?”