“So,” I say, keeping my voice light. “Were you out for a stroll or something?”
He closes his eyes for a brief moment, and I kick myself for counting my eggs before they are hatched. But then, he opens them back up, and I lose myself in the cerulean that I couldn’t replicate anywhere even if I tried. “If by stroll, you mean I walked directly here from my place, with several detours back home and then back this way, then yes. I’m on a stroll.”
I can barely contain my giddiness. “Do you want to come in?”
He looks up, like he can see the window to our apartment above. “No, but—can we take a walk? Would you be up for that?”
I blurt out my assent before he can even finish speaking.
We walk side-by-side, not touching like I want, but close enough to be considered a victory to me. For several minutes, nothing is said, but it’s okay. This is enough.
Even still, I eventually break the ice by saying, “Did you ever get Astrid to tell you what’s going on with her and Cameron?”
He chuckles under his breath. Oh, lords, do I love this sound. “No. Not yet. But I do know she still has strong feelings for him, is conflicted and sad over what’s gone down between them, yet is ecstatic about what’s happening now. She’s glad to have her friend back.”
“Hmm.” I keep my focus on the road ahead of us. It’s hard, because I want to totally stare at him, which sounds creepy but when you’ve gone without looking at the face of the person you love the most, sometimes you get a bit desperate. “I’m no Emotional, but I think I can say that Cameron is the same. He loved his wife a lot, but I think that spark with Astrid might still there. If you know what I mean.”
He’s quiet for several minutes. “Have you seen your parents?”
“My mom,” I admit. “She came over once, and we’ve sent some emails back and forth. My dad—I guess now he’s upset with me because of what I did. Which I get.” I let out an exasperated puff. “It’s funny; for a long time, I suppose I never really understood the relationship between you and Astrid. How you considered her to be your mom when you had a mom. I get it now.” I give in and look at him now; I’m rewarded because he’s staring at me, too. Enough to cause him to blush when I catch him. I bite back my grin. “My own mom is . . . I won’t say coming around, but she’s trying, though. Whether or not we ever get to a place where she and I are close, I think I’m finally okay with it.” The grin escapes anyway. “Sometimes family is more than blood. Sometimes a family is built on love.”
He stops on the sidewalk. “I’m glad you found that with Cameron and Will. I really am.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Oh, I’d give every last cent I have to touch him right now. “I’m glad you found that with Astrid.”
He bites his lip, and my heart kicks into triple time. “Look, Chloe . . .”
I hold my breath. It’s ridiculous, but I literally hold my breath. My name never sounds better than when coming from his lips.
He takes a step closer. I’m lightheaded as I stare up at him. “I’m not saying I’m over what happened.”
Reality crashes down upon me like an Acme piano from three stories up.
“But,” he takes another step closer, his hand lifting to touch my cheek, “the truth is, I miss you.”
I lean into his touch. Thank the gods, we’re finally touching after months and months of not doing so. Tingles zip up and down my body. I swear, if he keeps this up, I just might have an orgasm right here on a public sidewalk in the middle of Annar. “I miss you, too.”
His eyes pin me to the sidewalk where I stand. “You’re not with Kellan.”
I want to laugh, but know it’d send the wrong message. “No.”
“Why?”
I let the emotions slamming around my heart spill out so he can feel them. And then I lay it all out for him like I wanted to the day I came back from Anchorage. “Because I want to be with you, Jonah. Even if you don’t want to be with me anymore, I know my truth. And I’ve learned the hard way that a person has to be true to themself if they want a chance at happiness in life.”
I think he’s holding his breath, too.