“Not hungry,” I say, eyes dropping back to the dossier on my lap, the one Zthane passed over this afternoon after Kellan left. He forgave me for not coming in last night, but says we—the both of us—are going out on a mission soon. Tomorrow, as a matter of fact. I need to be all about the mission. Find Elders. Kill Elders. Stop Elders from killing more Magicals, both loved and stranger alike.
I’ve just gotten off the phone with Caleb. It was weird, calling my former Conscience on the phone, but I figured I owed him an apology for shutting him out like I did. He was . . . livid. Yelled at me for a good ten minutes straight before finally relenting and admitting he missed me. And then we talked, really talked. I told him all about my reasons and my choices, and the funny thing is, Caleb understood where I was coming from. Before we hung up, he promised to come and visit me within the week. He also told me that, once the link between a Conscience and its ward is broken, it’s forever broken. From here on out, we’re nothing more than friends.
It was yet another hurt to add to my growing list of How Chloe Royally Fucked Up This Time.
Will slides the folder away, flipping it shut. “Believe it or not, Dad is on the phone with that woman—Astrid? They’re chatting. My father is on the phone, and he’s chatting with a woman. I cannot be out there listening to this any longer.” He eyes me warily. “Have you called him?”
I blink and try to focus on Will’s face. How had I never seen the Elvin features in him before? Was it just because I didn’t want to? “Your dad?”
He rolls his eyes. “No. You know I mean Jonah.”
Something inside me breaks again. I shake my head slowly. “He doesn’t want me to call. He made it clear that he’s done with me.”
Will’s dubious. “You two have a Connection.”
“We also apparently have free will. Jonah,”—each syllable of his name is a jagged shard of glass against the tender yet still beating muscle in my chest—“exercised his right to choose whether or not he wants to be with me.”
He sighs heavily through his nose. “I don’t think that’s the case. I think it’s more—you hurt him. He’s reacting.”
“I don’t want to talk about this. Not today, at least. We should be overlooking the mission specs.” I snatch the folder back from him.
“Out of curiosity, why aren’t you with Kellan?”
The folder turns heavy in my hand. “What?”
“When you first told me about these guys, and how you cheated on Jonah with his brother, I’ve gotta be honest, I assumed you were with Jonah out of a misplaced sense of obligation and habit. It was Kellan I thought you really loved. But . . .” His hand falls on top of mine. “Here you are, single. He’s single. I saw you guys earlier. He’s so in love with you that it’s amazing he can even stand upright. You’re pretty keen on him, too. Isn’t this the perfect opportunity to at least try to see what things would be like with him?”
Ah. Which is what I think Kellan hopes for, too. Or at least, it’s what I saw in his eyes when he left, even though he must have sensed how I felt about him, about his brother. We didn’t hug—it would’ve been too much, too soon. But that sharp tug between Connections was there, strong as ever, and when he walked out of my door, the instinct to go after him and kiss him senseless nearly smothered me.
“I love Jonah,” I tell Will. My voice is hollow, which makes sense, as it’s how I’m feeling right now. But it’s okay. Because I’m going to go out and kick some ass and kill some Elders and I’ll find ways to fill up that hole. I have to.
Most of the team is already waiting at an airstrip in Novosibirsk, Siberia. A Cyclone I don’t know (apparently Raul is on an extended vacation) will be piloting us to the remote region the Elders have been spotted in. Two Shamans I don’t know too well are there (Zthane wasn’t taking any chances), as well as a pair of Blazes (Brock and Vance?) and a female Elemental I don’t know. Outside of Karl, Will, and myself, the last member of the team is Kellan, which does not make me happy in the least. I argued for a good ten minutes with Zthane and Karl over his participation, but outside of me claiming I worried my Connection could get hurt, I had no real ground to stand on when it came to dismissing him from the team.
“Emotionals have always been successful controlling the Elders,” Zthane reasoned repeatedly. “You know me. Besides, Kellan’s the best we have on the Guard. Of course he’s coming.” The thing is, I understood where Zthane was coming from, and agreed even, but the thought of Kellan getting hurt made me want to destroy things.
I caved in the end and agreed to his addition to the team, but it’s definitely left me on edge. This, coupled with the sharp pain of losing Jonah once more has me antsy and admittedly far too bitchy. Will and Karl bear the brunt of my constant snapping fairly serenely as we exit the airport, inside of which the portal is conveniently hidden, and onto the tarmac, but I guess I step on one too many toes because Will finally says, “Time to sheath the claws, Chloe, lest you want the entire team to think you’re on your period.”