Karl and Iolani, even Jonah, had told me that such a feat was only possible to do with a singular person, just the exact perfect person for you. Your Connection. Most Magicals never got this experience, never come close to finding the person to do this with.
Yet I had. I’ve done this numerous times with Jonah. It’s bonded us in ways that have deepened the feelings we have for each other, strengthened our Connection to the point that it’s invincible. Connecting our minds and souls together has made Jonah so much more mine than the mere Connection bonding us together.
And now, with Kellan . . .
How is this possible, I whisper in my mind to Caleb.
He’s just as confused as me. I have no idea. I sense his sigh. You know what this means, correct?
The ugly truth hits me. I cheated on Jonah. I can’t even—
Caleb offers me a sour I told you so before going silent.
My eyes flick to the clock on the DVD player—it’s nearly ten thirty in the morning. Luckily it’s a Saturday, so neither of us had inadvertently missed any classes by sleeping in.
Kellan’s arm moves slowly, a reflex of his sleep, but it causes my heart to race once more. My whole body tingles in delicious, violent ways just being in such close proximity to him. Which is terrifying.
Because I just cheated on Jonah. And this is not okay.
I try, for the slightest moment, to imagine discovering Jonah doing what I’ve done with someone other than me, and it’s utterly unthinkable, unfathomable. Rage flashes hot and hard at even at the mere suggestion of it in my mind.
I am so messed up.
And then, I try to picture Kellan doing the same thing with Sophie. The same fury pulses in me, instantaneous and all consuming.
Oh gods.
When Jonah finds out…
I can’t let myself think about it. I just can’t. Because even though I’m lying in his brother’s arms, I cannot comprehend what would happen if I were to lose Jonah. I just . . . can’t.
He’s everything to me. But then, so is Kellan. Even though I’ve tried for so long to convince myself he isn’t.
I have no idea what I’m going to do. Sex, maybe, is one thing. Jonah might . . . well, I don’t know if he’d forgive sex, even though sex is something you can do with just about anyone, if you wanted to. But merging minds together—that’s not something you can do with just any person. It’s special. It’s a bond between people who are meant to be together. If he was to find out I’d done this, me, my idea, and with his brother, no less . . .
Faced with losing everything is enough to drive me into lip chewing mode. After about five minutes of fretting, I manage to work myself up into a full mental frenzy.
Because of my selfishness:
I’ve set me and Kellan back from whatever progress we’d made this year.
I’ve destroyed his chances of a potentially workable relationship with Sophie.
I’ve overlooked my commitment with Jonah, the one that I’d rather die than ever let go of.
I’ve betrayed both of their trusts so badly that I can’t be sure whether I’ll be able to look in the mirror again.
I love Jonah. I’m wildly, absolutely in love with him. He completes me in ways I never thought possible. He’s my very best friend, my confidant, the love of my life, the person who only has to enter a room to make me feel like I’m the luckiest girl in the universe. I struggle going two hours without seeing him.
I’d literally fallen apart when he’d simply kissed Callie the year before. Became catatonic. Seeing Kellan with Sophie . . .
That was before you merged. Things will be different now, Caleb warns, back for this last dig.
Kellan stirs, his head shifting. I slide down a little in his arms so I can turn around and face him.
Breathe, Chloe. Breathe.
His hair is disheveled, shooting off in several directions. Still, it’s utterly adorable and unbearably sexy. I smooth a few pieces down before he peeps an eye open through dark lashes. Confusion shines out for the briefest of seconds before it melts into contentment. My heart shudders with so much joy that I fear it might burst again.
How can somebody be so terrified, guilty, and blissful all at once?
“Hey there.” I pray my morning breath isn’t repulsive.
He doesn’t seem to mind, since he gifts me with that half-grin I adore. “Sleep okay?”
I nod. If only I could still be sleeping.
He kisses the tip of my nose. “Me, too.”
I can’t help but ask, “Even on this tiny couch?”
Two more kisses, pressed against my cheeks. “I’ve never, ever slept so well as I did last night.”
My heart flip-flops, making me worry it might just jump straight out of my chest. He feels this, because one of his hands slides down and stops over my heart. Then he slides his ear down so he can listen to the rhythm in my chest for a few moments.
I’m not sure what to do—laugh at being caught so affected by him? Shrug it off and say that this is normal?
After awhile, he takes one of my hands and places it against his heart. It’s moving in tandem with mine, irregular jumps and all.