How I wish I could just move on already.
My words get faster and less clear, and in the end, I’m out of breath and babbling, but he listens. Doesn’t say a word the entire time. I open myself up, let him know every feeling that’s tearing through me. He leads me back to his bed, his arms around me, and I hold on for dear life as the words gush out. I cry and rant and choke and whisper, but I give them all to him, just like I should’ve the first moment I came home from my mother’s.
He takes my words and my feelings and holds me even tighter. And then, when everything has flooded out, and I’m left a vulnerable, naked shell, both emotionally and physically as he slowly peels away my clothes, he tells me how much he loves me. How he’ll always be here for me. How my parents are idiots and don’t deserve me.
I feel the sincerity of his words on my lips as his move against mine, the truth of his conviction in every butterfly that beats in my chest as his hands move across my body and then lower still to where I’m achy with need. “I love you,” he whispers to me, over and over, like it’s a benediction, and I let these blessings soothe the freshest batch of wounds my heart has collected.
Our minds merge, and as fireworks explode in my body and behind my eyelids, I no longer think about what I’ve lost, because I know that, in reality, I’m so damn lucky to have what I have.
On the way to the Transit Station, Jonah offers to stay back. It’s what I’ve wanted all along, but I tell him he’s being ridiculous, that of course he has to go, and that he shouldn’t worry. That he should focus on what’s important, and that’s the mission he’s going on.
I think he wants to argue, but by this point, the Guard on his team have found him and are urging him to hurry. It breaks my heart to let him go, but I do it. There are people out there counting on him right now, both nons and Magicals. The region he’s going to needs stability. These latest uprisings he’s to set off ought to get the local population heading in the right direction.
My parents disowned me. That’s nothing compared to an entire region of people deserving a change.
“Go,” I urge him one last time. I’ve got a big smile on my face that fools everyone but him. “I’m fine. Go.”
His goodbye kiss is reluctant, but he does as I ask. And yet, when he walks through the portal, the overwhelming loneliness that creeps into my bones is excruciating.
I go home and crawl back into bed and sleep the rest of the day. Thankfully, I do not dream.
I’m standing in front of the lounge where my class should be. But there are no students, no so-called professor. Instead, there is a sign saying: Class cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
I dragged myself out of bed this morning for this?
I wander around Annar aimlessly, knowing I ought to eat but not feeling hungry enough to do so. I can’t even bother with the hot dog cart. I’m just about to go home and sleep some more when someone sitting two restaurants down catches my eye. And it’s not so much that it’s Kellan that draws my attention, it’s the drop-dead gorgeous redhead he’s with. She’s leaning towards him, a slim, elegant hand on his arm as she talks.
I’ve been told, over and over again, that he dates a lot—possibly even more so now that we’re friends again. I know this, and up until now, I haven’t been too bothered with it, I suppose, because it’s never been real to me.
Watching him with this insanely beautiful woman, though—my vision hazes green.
It’s completely irrational. My own wedding is two months away, and just until the last two minutes, I’d been mourning Jonah’s absence so strongly that Cora accused me this morning of acting like he’d died.
I have no idea who this woman is.
I try to tell myself that, since we are just friends, I have no place to be jealous.
So why do I feel like ripping her hair out by the roots?
The next thing I know, I’m standing next to Kellan, smiling down at him with the super cheerleader smile he first met me with. I’ve got my emotions wrapped up nice and tight, so he can’t feel the poison streaking through my bloodstream like fire.
He starts when he sees me, and the most interesting look flashes across his beautiful face: like he can’t believe I’m actually alive and standing next to him.
“Hi!” I’m cheerfulness personified. “Funny running into you here!”
He quickly covers his surprise before the girl sitting with him can see it, offering up what I know to be a fake smile. Can she tell, though? “What are you doing? I mean, over here?”