Panic I’d been trying to hold back all day wells fast and hard. I may have to kill people on my first mission. The room spins so violently that I grip onto my desk for dear life.
“I’ll be there with you the entire time,” Karl is saying. His voice is a bit distant. Echo-y.
Breathe, Chloe. Breathe.
I never am alone, not really. My Conscience Caleb is here, as he always is, the voice of reason in my cluttered mind. He is encouraging me even now to count and breathe and not lose it, because when I do so, when I let go and allow my emotions to rule me, bad things happen.
Bad things like breaking bones and fences and staircases and innocent trees.
Breathe, Caleb whispers in my mind.
When I blink, Karl comes back into focus. I force my lips to curve upwards. “I know. And I appreciate that.”
The chair creaks as he leans back; it surely wasn’t created to seat men nearly seven feet tall. “Sucks that Jonah wasn’t here for today’s meeting.”
At the mention of my fiancé, I let loose a giant sigh. Also a member of the Council, and also recently required to join at eighteen, Jonah Whitecomb was sent off on a day mission back on the Human plane earlier this morning. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I miss him like crazy already and he’s only been gone seven hours.
Karl smirks. “I can only imagine what he would’ve argued. How much do you want to bet that he’s going to find a way to come on the mission with us?”
At this, I perk up some. “You think he can?”
His eyes roll toward the ceiling. “Chloe, this is Jonah we’re talking about. The dude is one of the two most powerful Emotionals to ever be born. If there’s anyone who can ensure he gets his way, it’s Jonah.”
Okay. This makes me feel a lot better already. If there is any person in the worlds that can always see me through something, good or bad, it’s my Connection.
I love Jonah Whitecomb so much it’s ridiculous.
Karl’s fingers drum against his jeans, which is a good thing, as they could break the chair, weapons as they are. When he speaks, his words are careful. “You do realize that part of why Astrid Lotus went to bat for you today is because Jonah wasn’t there to do it, right?”
Stupidly, I hadn’t really considered this until just now. I’d just assumed she’d done so because she’s incredibly kind. But it totally makes sense. Jonah’s mother died when he was five, and Astrid Lotus has been his surrogate mom ever since. Her sticking up for me was probably because I’m Jonah’s Connection.
But, Astrid is also Jonah’s ex-girlfriend’s mom, so there’s also the possibility she might also hate me, so. . .
Ugh. Why is my life so messy? Why does it constantly feel like I’m in the middle of a soap opera?
“You’ve got that look where you’re overthinking things again.”
Yeah. I’m prone to doing that a lot.
“It was nice she tried,” I offer. Does Astrid like me, though? I really haven’t interacted with her much since Jonah and I moved to Annar, but that’s been more my choice than hers, I think. I was uncomfortable and insecure, especially after what happened a couple months back between Jonah and Callie, and Jonah knew I needed the space so he never pushed.
And here Astrid went to bat for me when my own father didn’t. Now I feel like utter crap.
Breathe, Chloe.
“My dad.” I clear my throat. Karl is watching me closely. Unfortunately, he’s seen me break down way too much over the last year. “He didn’t look at me today when all this was going on. Didn’t even look at me when he said I’d do what I was told.”
Karl snorts. “It only goes to show he doesn’t know you at all. Like Chloe Lilywhite ever does what she’s told.”
A genuine smile pushes itself through the doom and gloom I’ve tried to bury it in. “I listen sometimes.”
“Listen to this, then. The Council is never going to baby you. It’s never going to take into consideration if you have a bad day, or a cold, or if you have too much homework, or your parents suck. The Council is going to demand things of you that you may never have even considered in your wildest dreams. There are going to be people who are against you. But there’re also going to be those of us who will always have your back.”
Not a lot of people know it, but, despite his gruff exterior and frequent behavior, Karl has one of the best, loyal hearts around.
“I’ve got your back, Chloe. Jonah’s got it, too. So does Moira, and Zthane, and . . .” he pauses, but says the name I know he’ll say anyway, even though I don’t even know if I want to hear it, “Kellan, and a whole bunch of other people. You’ll get through this assignment, and the next one, and the thousands and thousands after that. You’ve got people who care. Screw your dad. He knows jack about you.”