A Good Debutante's Guide to Ruin_The Debutante Files

Apparently, her fatigue was noticeable. She couldn’t hide the shadows beneath her eyes. A fact all the more problematic when Aurelia surprised her with a visit.

“Heavens, you look dreadful,” she exclaimed when Rosalie joined her in the drawing room.

Rosalie laughed dryly. “Hello to you, too, Aurelia.”

“Come now. You know I love you. Only a friend would be so honest with you.” She took Rosalie’s hands in hers and pulled her down next to her on the settee, her forehead knitted with concern. “Are you so very unhappy here?”

The sudden reminder that she actually possessed a friend—a very dear friend who cared about her—made emotion surge to Rosalie’s chest. She hadn’t had anyone she could call a friend since Rachel, her schoolmate at Harwich. ”Oh, Aurelia.” She flung her arms around her.

“There there.” She patted her back. “I’m here now.”

Rosalie hugged her for several moments longer, taking solace in her friend, in the warmth of another person who actually cared for her. She had felt so very alone the last several nights and knew she would be alone again in the nights ahead. And perhaps beyond that. Even after she made a match for herself. She fought down the lump that rose in her throat.

“It was good of you to come.” She pulled back finally, still holding Aurelia’s hand. She didn’t want to let go. She wanted that small contact, at least.

“Of course. Now tell me what you have been up to. From the look of these shadows—” She gently brushed a fingertip beneath Rosalie’s eye. “—I would say your mother has been keeping you up nights. I heard you were at the opera earlier this week. And at Lady Stanton’s. Rumor has it you’ve been spending time with the Marquis of Hildebrand.” Aurelia wrinkled her nose. “Tell me your mother isn’t considering him for you. He’s ancient, not to mention revolting.”

Rosalie shrugged, not answering to the matter of Hildebrand. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Well, if my mother was shoving me at Lord Hildebrand, I wouldn’t be sleeping well either.”

Rosalie tried to smile and failed. Tears threatened and she blinked them back, hating that she should feel so emotional.

“What? What is it?” Aurelia’s gaze flitted over her face. “You have me worried now. Please tell me what is wrong.”

“Oh, Aurelia, if it were only my mother shoving me at Lord Hildebrand, I shouldn’t feel half so wretched.” She gulped back tears then and told her friend everything. Her sleepless nights guarding her bedroom door, and her need to accept the next offer that came her way to simply get out from beneath her mother and Horley.

“That is intolerable, Rosalie,” Aurelia said. “You cannot stay here a moment longer. We will go to Dec—”

“No,” she bit out with a shake of her head. “He wants nothing to do with me. Or my mother.” He’d let her go with nary a blink. “I will not drag him into this.”

Aurelia shook her head, her brown eyes deep and anxious. “It’s a little late for that, isn’t it? And you cannot think to remain here—”

“I can manage. Horley simply enjoys his cat and mouse game with me. He is no threat. My mother, and thereby me . . . we’re all he has. He’s penniless. He won’t abuse me. He merely wishes to torment me for his own amusement.”

“And that is why you guard your door at night? Because you think he is no threat?” Aurelia pressed.

“I’m cautious.”

“And how long can you continue to do that?” Aurelia angled her head, her expression both earnest and sympathetic.

“As long as necessary.”

“Hm.” She fell back on the sofa, clearly unconvinced. “Perhaps you need to call upon me at home. We can put you up in my chamber and you can sneak in a little nap.” She touched Rosalie’s cheek. “Look at you. You need a good rest, sweet girl.”

Rosalie pulled her friend’s hand from her cheek. “Thank you for letting me unburden myself, but you needn’t worry. It is good of you to come. You make me stronger. Just the sight of you . . . knowing I have your friendship.”

“You daft girl. I’ve been starved for a proper friend for an age. It’s just been Mama and the girls she thinks I ought to be friends with.” Aurelia rolled her eyes. “All little beasts, with their simpering smiles and thinly veiled insults.” She lifted her voice an octave. “Oh, Aurelia. I wish I could wear that but such a style would overpower my slight frame.”

Rosalie laughed. “I’m certain they are no match for you.”

“You know what we should do?” Aurelia bolted upright on the settee, and then dropped her voice to a hush. “We should return to Sodom.”

Rosalie shook her head. “I was an absolute wreck the last time. It was far too, too—”

“Scandalous? Debauched?” Aurelia nodded, smiling widely. “Yes. Indeed.”

She shook her head. “No. What if I bumped into Dec again—”

“Then you can kiss him again.”

“Aurelia!” Despite her outburst, her heart tripped at the suggestion.

“You know you want to.”

Rosalie couldn’t deny this, so she held silent.

After a few moments, Aurelia sighed, taking her silence for denial. “Very well. I suppose once was risk enough.” She glanced away, looking a little dejected. A little sad. Rosalie well knew how she felt. Trapped in a life that seemed to be moving without any guidance from her.

For whatever Sodom was, however depraved it had been, Dec had been there. He had wanted her. And it hadn’t felt sordid or depraved. It had felt special. She had felt special. Like someone was seeing her perhaps for the first time in her life. Ironic, considering she’d been wearing a mask and wig, but there it was. That kiss had felt . . . it felt like everything. It had consumed her. It haunted her still. When she sat awake at night, propped against her bedchamber door, his lips, his mouth on hers, tracked through her mind again and again.

She had trembled when he touched her. And for one moment, she’d thought his hand trembled, too.

Perhaps she could have that again. Just as Aurelia suggested. If only for one more night. She’d had that kiss—lived it. She wanted to have it again. She wanted to live more.

As much as she knew it was wrong, she missed Dec. Seeing Aurelia only drove that home, made her think of him, ache for him. She felt her loneliness even more acutely.

That night at Sodom . . . she hadn’t felt quite so lonely. In Dec’s arms, with his mouth and hands on her, she had felt alive and free. Free to choose. Free to feel. She wanted that again. Even if it could go nowhere. Even if it changed nothing.

She wanted more.





Chapter 15


The parchment crinkled in Dec’s pocket where he had stuffed it earlier. Not a half hour ago the missive had arrived, intruding on his solitary dinner. His appetite had fled at once and he’d pushed back from the table.

Not that he had much of an appetite lately. He’d taken his meals alone the last couple of nights, shrouded in the silence of an empty house. Strange how he suddenly noticed that emptiness, that silence. He’d never been especially conscious of it before. He had never minded, but now he felt the absence of his aunt and cousin and Rosalie keenly. Ah, hell, Rosalie. He felt her absence most of all.

He had come to expect the soft sound of her voice, her laughter . . . glimpses of her throughout her house, sitting in his garden, her bare toes peeking out from the hem of her gown. He still saw her even though she wasn’t here. Her image was imprinted on his mind. Even her scent seemed to trail him, that faint scent. Nowhere else more than at the door to his room, so close to her old room. Honeysuckle, he thought. How did she come to smell of honeysuckle in the midst of London?