A Demon Made Me Do It

Chapter 21. Liora


I fumble through my locker in a trance. I’m not the only one; it seems most of the students are still dazed by what happened. It’s been a few weeks since the murders, but the students have yet to regain their jovial and boisterous attitudes from before. The hallways are much quieter, and the sound of laughter is rare. Grief and tension are palpable.

For once, I don’t feel like such an outsider.

But my sadness isn’t from what happened here; yes, it’s awful. Truly. But I grieve not for the three classmates I didn’t care about, but for the one boy I did. The one who is gone, probably forever.

“Hey, Liora.” Corrine leans against my locker, subdued.

I glance up and give her a half smile. “Hey.”

“Ready for the test?”

I shrug. I don’t even know what test she’s talking about, but I’m sure I’ll ace it without even trying. I zip up my jacket as the wind gushes past, stinging my face. I like the pain. It’s the only way I know I’m still alive. The rest of the time I just feel numb.


I still catch myself craning my neck, looking for any sign of Kieron. But he’s gone. And I don’t even understand what he was doing here in the first place. Or what he was doing with me.

Even though I’d told him I never wanted to see him again...and I meant it…I guess I just figured I’d see him anyway. That he’d be waiting for me outside the cabin one morning and we’d walk to school together. Or he’d be in class, and after school we’d take off to the mountains again…or maybe the cemetery to read poetry to each other.

Maybe he’d be able to tell me something…anything…that could make the unbelievable ache in my chest subside, even just a little.

At first, after I’d gotten over the initial shock and anger at discovering Kieron’s true identity, I’d cried. When I couldn’t cry anymore, I got mad again. Mad that he lied. Mad that he deceived me. Mad that he used me.

I didn’t want to admit that was exactly what I’d been doing to him.

My case was different. If I was still a real demion, I’d never hide it from other demions. But…I guess I would hide it from humans.

Sigh.

I know I’m angry at Kieron, but the longer he stays away, the harder it is for me to remember exactly why I’m angry with him. As much as I hate what he is, there’s a strange comfort in the fact that he knows what I am.

I love that he knows the real me...just as much as I hate it.

I can’t figure out if I love him or hate him. Maybe neither. Maybe both.

All I do know is, I miss him very much. And I desperately wish I could see him again.

When class finally lets out for the day, I hurry to the parking lot and jump in my Mustang. I brought it today so I could drive to the cemetery after school to read from Kieron’s poetry book. I’ve read it through several times already, but just leaning against the headstones, feeling the crisp air sear though my lungs, and reading the beautiful words that Kieron had been so deeply fond of, somehow helps alleviate some of the painful loneliness. Here he’s with me, if only in spirit.

I park my car and gather my things....a small blanket and a snack for later. I’m going to stay here as late as I can before I have to head home and let Lucky take over.

I step over the tangled vines and jagged branches and crawl through the opening in the iron fence. My cheeks are numb from the cold, but I don’t care; this is the only place I want to be right now.

I spread out my blanket next to a large, cracked stone with faded engravings. Then I take out the soft, brown book and open it to the middle. Unlike the other pages, this one has the corner folded down, as if Kieron had marked it for some special reason.

For what must be the twentieth time, I silently read the poem by William Blake titled “A Divine Image”.

Cruelty has a human heart,

And Jealousy a human face;

Terror the human form divine,

And Secresy the human dress.



The human dress is forged iron,

The human form a fiery forge,

The human face a furnace sealed,

The human heart its hungry gorge.





I read and reread the words, a slow tear trickling down my cheek. I’ve always hated my demon side for what it’s done, what it represents. But I’ve always overlooked the flaws I carry as a human. I’ve been cruel. I’ve been jealous. Being human doesn’t make me humane. The words hint at self-destruction with no hope for salvation. Because humans are flawed, I am flawed, no matter how I look at it. I can only accept myself for who and what I am, good and bad. I can’t hold demons to a different standard than I do my own kind. Every element of evil that repulses me in demons can be found in humans as well.

I close the book and my eyes, and pray that someday I’ll see Kieron again and be able to make everything all right.