“You’re just giving up, you coward,” Sarah yelled.
“I’m not giving up, Sarah, but I want you to be happy. If I were going to school here, things would be different. I wouldn’t be doing this. You don’t think I don’t want to be with you?” I shook my head. Opening my eyes I said, “This is killing me. My dad walked out on my mom and me, just like this. But he did it because he was a selfish bastard.”
“And what are you doing it for?” Sarah questioned.
“I’m doing this because I want you to be happy. I want more than anything to be that person for you. To put the smile on your face, Sarah. You deserve the best, and I can’t give that to you. I can’t do that, Sarah and you have no idea how badly I want to be.”
“Gabe,” she cried. “I want you. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
I shook my head. I didn’t know what to say to her.
“Gabe, please don’t do this,” Sarah begged and pleaded. “Please.” She shook her head and whispered, “Don’t do this.”
“Sarah—” I tried to say, but she stood up and screamed in my face. “What do you mean?”
“Sarah,” I whispered again. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”
“What the hell does that mean!” she screamed. Sarah’s voice scratched at the end and tears fell onto her face.
I couldn’t believe this was actually happening right now. I closed my eyes. “I didn’t plan for any of this to happen this year.”
Sarah fell down onto the couch and sobbed. “What do you mean?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t plan on falling in love this year.”
Sarah looked over at me. “What did—what did you just say?” She asked it almost like she didn’t hear me.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter,” I whispered.
Sarah jumped up from the couch. “It does to me!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. Dropping to her knees in front of me, Sarah grabbed ahold of my shirt. “Tell me. Please.”
I sucked in a breath. This was literally killing me. I could feel my heart shattering into a million pieces in my chest. My chest rose and fell rapidly. My heart beat twice as fast. I felt like I was going to throw up. “I said,” I started to say, but paused. Opening my eyes, I continued. “—that I didn’t plan on falling in love this year.”
“Why now?” Sarah cried. “Why are you telling me now?”
“Because it’s the truth. I just, I didn’t plan on this happening,” I said, waving my hand back and forth between the two of us.
“This being?”
I shrugged. “You,” I said simply. “I didn’t plan on this beautiful girl walking into my life and making her way into my heart. And to hate me, no doubt. I didn’t plan on being in a relationship that brings me so much joy only to have to ruin it at the end of the summer.”
“You don’t have to, Gabe,” she whispered.
I looked into her eyes. “Yes, I do.”
Sarah’s chin quivered. “Why?” she whispered.
“Sarah, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be,” I begged.
“No!” Sarah screamed as she stood up. “I deserve to hear your pathetic excuse as to why you’re breaking up with me, you bastard!”
“We would break up at some point, anyway. I’m going to be in Arizona for four years. You’re going to be here. Sarah,” I said, “think of it logically.”
“I am,” she nodded. “I think that with hard work, two people can get through anything as long as they’re willing to work on it. I am. And you,” she bitterly said, “aren’t.”
I watched as Sarah’s face morphed from one of sadness to one of pure rage. I saw her hand pull back out of the corner of my eye. I knew she was about to slap me. The sound of her hand connecting with my face was loud. I knew my face was red and it stung but I knew I deserved that. My body was numb, though. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I didn’t want to be doing this, but I knew I had to.
You go through seven stages of grief and at this rate, Sarah would be going through them in a matter of seconds. She was pissed. Enraged. Broken hearted and sad. Sarah’s features changed and the fire in her eyes had turned to tears.
Shaking her head, Sarah looked at me and the fire was back. “I HATE YOU!” she screeched. Pulling her hand back again, she slapped me one more time on the cheek.
I didn’t move. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was surprised I was able to breathe in and out.
It looked like Sarah wanted to slap me again but she dropped her hand to her side. “I hate you so much,” she hissed through her teeth. Sarah shook her head and looked at me once more before walking out of the living room.
I turned to her. “Where are you going?”