“Oh, it’s fine,” Sarah smiled up at him.
“Well, how about you two go set the table and I’ll be done in a few minutes,” Mom said.
“Sure thing, Ms. P.” Sarah grabbed three plates that were sitting on the counter and headed over to the table.
Grabbing some napkins and silverware, I walked over and helped Sarah out.
“I really like your mom,” Sarah whispered.
“Me too,” I said as I looked over towards her. My smile disappeared when I thought just a year ago things were different. My dad did try to contact me, but that’s all he did … the bare minimum. A part of me was okay but another part was heartbroken. I mean I was his son. I guess to some people that didn’t mean jackshit.
“Are you okay?” Sarah placed her hand over mine and looked up at me sincerely.
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I attempted to give her a smile, but I knew she didn’t buy it.
“Okay, breakfast is ready,” Mom said, walking over to the table carrying a big stack of pancakes. Sarah and I grabbed the rest of the plates of food: hashbrowns, toast, eggs, sausage and bacon.
“Finally I can eat.” I smiled, looking out at everything.
While we ate and talked, I looked at the two amazing women in my life. I was so happy and I wondered when it would all come crashing down around me.
***
I couldn’t believe Sarah and I had been dating five months already. I needed to tell her tonight. This was the hardest choice I had ever had to make. I didn’t want to do it, but I wanted Sarah to be happy. I knew in the long run it wouldn’t be with me.
Just like every other Friday night, we were cuddled up in one another’s arms. My heart beat frantically. I needed to tell her. Sucking in a breath, I whispered, “Sarah.” I wasn’t even sure if she had heard me. I didn’t want to say it again.
I almost did but then she looked up at me and smiled. “Yes?” Sarah’s hand was over my heart and I was pretty damn certain she could feel how fast it was beating.
I could feel sweat forming on the brow of my forehead. The worst? My heart breaking. I didn’t say anything just yet. It was like a tug of war I was having with myself. I didn’t want to tell her that we had to break up but we needed to. I was thinking about Sarah in the long run.
I loved Sarah. I hoped she had loved me, but I was happy I hadn’t told her. I didn’t want this to be any harder for me. It’s so easy to love someone. Be in love with them. But love is thinking about that person during the hardest of times and not thinking about yourself. You want them to be happy, even if you aren’t. That’s all that would make you happy. Well, I wanted to make Sarah happy and I knew in the long run I couldn’t make that for her like five states away.
Sarah sat up. “Gabe, what’s going on? Are you hurt?” she asked, touching all over my body.
“No, I’m not hurt, Sarah,” I whispered. Just broken. Sitting up on the couch, I turned to her. I wanted to hold onto her but I didn’t have that right anymore. “I need to talk to you about something.” I looked into Sarah’s eyes and I could see tears forming. She was biting her lip.
This was breaking my heart. This year was just supposed to be simple. School, baseball, and then I would be off to college. I had never planned on meeting this beautiful girl and falling in love with her.
Sarah’s lips quivered as she asked, “What?”
My heart was beating wild. I started to say her name, but I stopped halfway through. I couldn’t do this, but I knew I had to. I needed to look at her face when I told her this. “Sarah, please look at me,” I begged.
Sarah was looking down at her hands. She wouldn’t look at me.
“Sarah, please look at me,” I asked again.
Hesitantly, Sarah looked up at me with tears spilling onto her face.
I shook my head and closed my eyes. I had tried to hold back from crying, but after seeing Sarah’s reaction, I lost it. Tears spilled from my eyes and my heart shattered. “You have no idea how hard this is for me,” I whispered as I lifted my head.
Sarah grabbed my hands. “Whatever this is, Gabe, we can work through it. Please don’t do this. Please,” she begged. “I’m sorry I was a bitch to you when we first met, but I knew that you could see through my fa?ade. I tried not to let you in, but I did. I fell for you, Gabe. Please don’t do this.”
Having to do this was already killing me, but Sarah was begging and pleading. I don’t know how I did it, but I said, “Sarah, I’m leaving in the next few months. I’m going to school in Arizona.”
“So?” she yelled. “We could make it work.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Sarah, let’s be realistic. Four years all the way across the country away from one another? We wouldn’t see each other that often and we would break up. I don’t want to admit that, but we have to be realistic.”