Chapter Twelve
I wanted to kick myself.
Why did I have to fall asleep? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. God, I’m an idiot. Apparently, Jake was too, since he didn’t bother waking me. He must’ve snuggled around me and went off to dreamland himself.
He lay next to me, breathing deeply, all warm and hard. Yep, definitely hard. As easy as it would be to turn in his arms and wake him, I knew Hank would interrupt us soon. That alone made the option unappealing.
With the barbecue this afternoon, it would be a busy morning, though technically, I didn’t have anything to do. No one trusted me to handle anything on my own. I guess I’d follow the boys around and try to help with what I could. It embarrassed me that nobody had any faith in me and spoke volumes as to what kind of character they thought I had.
I wanted to show some usefulness but couldn’t think of anything to do offhand. Then the idiot rooster started crowing, which gave me an idea. What the hell, it was worth a shot.
Jake didn’t feel me leave the bed. I threw on some clothes and quietly scuttled out the door. The sun had barely risen, but I figured Floss was already awake and brewing the coffee. Hank would be up, too, but he was probably still in the bathroom—his early morning ritual.
Close to the barn, something round and dark blocked my path. At first glance, it resembled a pile of horse manure. As I got closer, I realized it was alive and moving. A splotchy black snake with reddish-brown swirls coiled itself into a tight ball, daring me to come closer. I couldn’t tell how long it was, but it had the impressive thickness of a banana. I stayed back, sniffing the air, but didn’t smell watermelon like Jake had said. Maybe I wasn’t close enough, but I wasn’t about to get any closer. Either this snake was unscented, or it was of the scratch-and-sniff variety.
My instincts told me to ask for help, but I didn’t want any of them to think I couldn’t handle the situation on my own. Sure, I could. I just didn’t necessarily want to. But running to Jake would be the spider-in-the-bathroom incident all over again. He would roll his eyes at me and consider me pathetic.
Nope. I refused to get his help this time. I wanted to prove to him—and myself—I was capable of handling this.
Keeping my eye on the snake, I maneuvered around it at a safe distance and grabbed a shovel from the barn. I distinctly remembered hearing Judd say if you cut off a snake’s head it would die. Carefully, I kept my feet and butt pushed back, leaned over, and with a hard jab, I chopped off the snake’s head.
Then I ran.
Holy shit! It didn’t work at all. The f*cking snake was still moving. My God, how is it still alive without its head attached? Snakes must be similar to cockroaches, which can live for days without their heads. Damn you, Judd! The dipshit didn’t mention that part.
I searched for another weapon until I spotted a large jug of diesel near the burn pit. Hank used it to burn the trash daily. I remembered where he put the matches, as well, so I grabbed both and ran back to the snake. It continued to toss and turn on the ground, slithering and wrapping around itself.
Staying as far back as I could, I poured diesel on the snake and threw a lit match. The fire caught instantly, but the snake continued to wiggle and squirm. Jesus Christ. What the hell did it take to kill one of these bastards?
Enough was enough. I ran back to the cottage, silently ducked inside, then found myself standing back over the snake with a .22 caliber pistol.
Pow. Pow. Pow.
Even at close range, I hit it only once. The snake rolled, curled onto itself, and finally went completely still. Jake ran out of the cottage, barefoot and shirtless, with a gun in his hand, while Hank and Floss stood on the back porch, grinning.
“What the hell are you doing?” Jake said, panting and staring at the snake’s burning corpse. “You scared the shit out of me! I thought some nutcase was out here shooting.” He waved his hands in the air angrily. “When I woke up and you weren’t in bed, I thought Felts had found you. But I guess my original assumption was correct. A nutcase was out here shooting.”
“Jake, I was…”
Hank and Floss had made it down the back steps and came over to us. “She killed the shit out of that snake,” Hank said, laughing. “Chopped off its head, set it on fire, then shot it.”
Jake looked at me as if I were crazy. “A little overkill, don’t you think?”
“It wouldn’t stop moving.”
Hank chuckled again. “They do that, honey. It’s their nerves twitching in their bodies. They’ll stop after a while.”
“What the hell were you doing out here this early, anyway?” Jake asked, his tone still slightly on the rough side.
“I wanted to help Floss by getting the eggs for her this morning. I figured it was the least I could do since nobody thinks I can do anything else. I’m useless and in the way all the time. I went to gather eggs, but ended up stumbling across this snake instead.”
“Damn it, Emily, you can’t—”
“Now, you watch your tone with her, Jacob Ward.” Floss stepped over toward me and glared at him. “Her intentions were good, and that’s all that matters.”
“But she can’t go around shooting—”
Floss raised her hand to shut Jake up. “I’ve said my piece, and I don’t want to hear nothing more about it. Emily, dear, as soon as you can get me those eggs, I’ll start breakfast.”
I smiled, grateful she’d give me a chance to prove myself. “Coming right up!” I set out for the barn, but Jake grabbed me by the arm to stop me. “What now?”
He held out his hand. “The gun. Unless you plan on using it to get to those eggs?”
I slapped the pistol into his hand, went to the barn to grab a small bucket, and marched straight for the chicken coop. From the moment I stepped inside, I was on high alert. The rooster huddled with the hens at the back of the pen as I made my way toward the nesting boxes. Like before, the hens scattered and the rooster strutted closer, nonchalantly pecking the ground, puffing out his feathers. From previous experience, I knew this behavior was similar to a dog’s warning growl before the actual bite.
But I didn’t wait for him to charge. Instead, I reached out, grabbed him by the neck, and slung him away. He jumped to his feet and came back for more. I raised the bucket in warning and yelled, “Rooster, I’ll f*ck you up!”
He spread his wings wide, flapped them lightly, and then folded them back to his body. Feathers around his neck ruffled as he shook his head and began to groom himself. I kept an eye on him, but he didn’t give me any more problems as I filled the bucket with eggs.
When I came out of the chicken coop, I realized I had company. Floss gaped at me in shock, Hank snickered, and Jake shook his head in disbelief. “What?” I asked.
Hank patted my arm, grinning. “Honey, you may have the face of an angel, but that halo of yours is awfully crooked.”
…
After breakfast, Jake and I followed Hank downstairs to get ready for the barbecue while Floss went to the grocery store. Cowboy, Ox, and Judd showed up soon after.
“Hey, beautiful,” Cowboy said, as he took a turn behind Judd and Ox, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. “Are you helping out?”
“If someone gives me something to do.”
“I’ve got to clean the pool. Think you can handle getting wet?” Cowboy shrugged his eyebrows suggestively, and although his open flirtatiousness didn’t surprise me, the look on Jake’s face did. He was irritated.
“I don’t have a swimsuit.”
Cowboy’s face broke into a smile. “I don’t mind if you—”
“She’s helping me today,” Jake cut in. “You’re on your own with the pool.”
“But aren’t you mowing with the tractor?” I asked. “How am I supposed to help you with that?” Cowboy, Ox, and Judd waited for Jake’s answer as well.
“You’re going to learn to drive it.”
“What? You wouldn’t even let me drive the Explorer,” I said, suspiciously. “So what changed?”
Jake smiled lightly. “You said you wanted to do more around here, right? After the initiative you showed this morning, I figured…”
“What’d you do this morning?” Cowboy asked me.
“I choked a chicken.”
The boys all laughed, and then Cowboy looked at Jake and said, “You dog!” They threw some fake punches at each other and playfully wrestled into the middle of the yard.
Judd and Ox grinned, but I was flat-out confused. “What’d I say?”
“Choking a chicken is an old slang term. You just told us you performed sexual favors on Jake this morning.”
“I wouldn’t mind having a girl with that kind of initiative,” Judd added.
I couldn’t help but laugh at my mistake. “That’s not what I meant. Maybe I should’ve said I bullied a cock into surrendering.”
“I’m afraid it doesn’t sound much better,” Ox said.
“Jacked up a rooster?”
Ox smirked. “The mental image is already there. Sorry, no dice.”
I laughed. “I set a snake on fire.”
“Damn, girl! What did you two do in bed this morning?”
“Let’s just say I got up really early,” I replied.
Jake broke apart from Cowboy and headed for the tractor next to the barn. He motioned for me to follow. Jake said the tractor was a 1953 Ford Jubilee, which I guess was supposed to mean something if you knew anything about tractors. Obviously, I didn’t. All I saw before me was an old grayish-white tractor with a red belly, big back tires, and a lot of rust.
I watched as Jake climbed into the seat. “Where am I supposed to sit?”
He leaned on the steering wheel, with his mirrored aviator sunglasses pulled down over his eyes. He looked hot, but it had nothing to do with the sun or the heat. “God made laps for a reason.” Jake said, grinning.
He offered me his hand, and I climbed into his lap as Hank came out of the barn. “Jake, when you’re done mowing, I want you to caulk something for me.”
I placed my lips against Jake’s ear. “Should I tell him to get in line?”
Jake gave me a stern look. “C-A-U-L-K. Get your mind out of the gutter,” Jake said. Then he cranked the tractor.
Yeah, like sitting in Jake’s vibrating lap would make me think pure thoughts.
…
By lunchtime, Floss had returned and flagged us down to get our attention. She said Hank and the other boys had to run into town to pick up some parts for the pool pump. Floss handed us a basket of goodies she’d packed up and told us to find a shady place for a picnic. She gave me an exaggerated wink before walking away. Floss was my kind of woman.
Jake and I found a breezy spot under a large mesquite tree in the pasture where we could watch the horses graze. He spread a blanket in the patch of shade among the wildflowers and we sat, facing each other, while we ate. Floss had wrapped up some sandwiches, fruit, cookies, and a couple bottles of water.
“I’m surprised she didn’t cut our sandwiches into triangles and give us juice boxes,” Jake said.
“Oh, I think it’s sweet. It reminds me of when my mom made my lunches, except she’d put weird stuff in my lunchbox.”
“Such as?”
“Boiled eggs, dinner rolls, and probably the worst one ever, sardines.” Jake laughed, so I hit him. “It’s not funny. Didn’t your mom ever do anything strange?”
He thought for a moment. “Yeah, but I’ll have to show you.” He leaned off the blanket, plucked a couple of dandelions from the ground, and tucked one into my hair above my ear.
I grinned. “That is weird. Did she put pink bows in your hair, too?”
“No, smartass, not that.” Jake held the other dandelion and placed it under my chin. “My mom would hold one of these underneath and if the yellow shined on my chin, she’d say ‘you like butter.’”
“What does it mean?”
“Beats the hell out of me,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “I never thought to ask. I guess I figured I had all the time in the world to. I had always pictured her doing the same thing to my children one day. But now that’ll never happen.” Guilt darkened his gray eyes. “I guess the least I could’ve done was ask her what it meant.”
His regrets pulled at my heartstrings. I knew how he felt. Though I’d had years to come to terms with my parents’ deaths, the clouded memories of the past still haunted me. But he reeled from a trauma that happened just last year.
“I’m sorry,” Jake said. “I didn’t mean to bring up the past.”
“It’s okay. I liked hearing about your mother.”
“Yeah, but it’s not fair. You’ve spent half your life without your parents. Knowing that, I feel bad talking to you about my own.”
“I don’t mind, Jake.”
A noise startled me and I turned my head to see Hank and the three boys unloading some parts from the truck. I guess we were too deep in conversation to hear them pull up, though I don’t know how, since they were all whooping and hollering. Then Ox smacked Cowboy on the ass.
“Why am I starting to feel like I’m in one of those cowboy butt-sex movies?”
“Come on,” Jake said with a grin. “Let’s wrap this up. I think the heat is frying your brain cells.”
…
Jake didn’t have time to bathe before a whole slew of neighbors showed up and cornered him into chatting with them. Since I didn’t know anyone, it was easy for me to slink back to the cottage and wash off the stink.
I dressed in a pair of green belted cargo shorts, a white knit top, and my stretch canvas sneakers. My melt-proof makeup consisted of cream blush, mascara, bronzer, and a touch of lip gloss. I finished my hair and had just turned off my flat iron when Jake stepped into the bedroom.
“Where’d you get that thing?” he asked.
“This thing is called a flat iron. Floss picked it up for me at a garage sale. She got a good deal on it—two dollars—and it works great.”
He picked up a section of my hair and examined it. “I don’t get it. Why do girls straighten their hair when it’s already straight?”
God, men know nothing. “Do you really want me to explain?”
“Nope,” he said, dropping the section of hair. “It was more of a rhetorical question.” Jake motioned to the door. “Ready to face the firing squad? Everyone wants to see you.”
“See me?”
“Yeah, they all want to get a look at the girl I brought home. You’re the first, you know.”
“Considering the circumstances under which we came here, I’m not all that flattered.”
“I guess I understand, but none of them know about that. They all still think you’re my girlfriend, remember?”
“I’m nervous. What if everyone gawks at me?”
Jake kissed my temple and squeezed my hand in his. “Then it won’t be any different from any other day.”
We barely made it out to the yard when Floss stopped us in passing. “There you two are. Momma Bell is here,” Floss said, pointing across the yard at an elderly woman. “I told her all about Emily and she’s dying to meet her. Be sure you go over and introduce her.”
Jake rubbed at his forehead. “God, maybe we could hide inside for a while, just until it’s past her bedtime and she leaves.”
His callousness toward a little old lady appalled me, though Floss wasn’t the least bit surprised. “Momma Bell may be overbearing at times, but she means well. Say hello to her, Jake. It won’t kill you. But if you don’t, I might,” Floss threatened as she walked away.
“Yoo-hoo! Jakey, over here,” Momma Bell said, waving.
He plastered on the fakest smile I’d ever seen and waved back to her.
“Aww. Look at her. She’s fond of you…Jakey,” I said, laughing.
“Don’t start,” Jake said with a serious face. “You don’t know her. She’s a pushy pain in the ass.”
“She seems delightful. With a name like Momma Bell, how could she not be?”
“Her name is Maebelle, but she constantly mothers everyone, hence the name. I wish the old bat would’ve had kids of her own before her husband died. Then she would’ve left all of us alone. She adopted us the same way a kidnapper adopts a child…against our will.”
“Oh, that’s a terrible thing to say. Maybe she’s lonely. You wouldn’t know anything about it since you have family, but I know how she must feel. I’ve been alone for years.” I glanced back to the elderly woman chatting with Hank and couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. “Let’s go say hello,” I said, starting in her direction.
He grabbed me and yanked me back. “Before I go anywhere near that woman, I need a beer. In fact, you do, too. You just don’t know it yet.”
“Jake, knock it—”
“Emily, I’m telling you, if I have to hang out with her for more than five minutes, I’m hitting the hard stuff in my uncle’s liquor cabinet.” A bead of sweat ran down the side of his face.
“You’d think she’s the devil the way you’re acting,” I said. His eyebrows rose as if to confirm the accusation. “Fine, we’ll get your beer first, you chicken, but then you’re going to say hello, or I’m going to tell Floss on you.”
“Oh, real mature,” he said, guiding me toward the coolers his friends congregated around.
“I need a beer,” Jake said. “Possibly two.” Cowboy pulled two bottles out of the ice, handed one to Jake, and then opened the other, passing it to me with a wink. That annoyed Jake more. “I meant two for me, numb-nuts.”
A smile spread across Ox’s face. “If you’re double fisting, then it can mean only one thing, huh, Jakey?”
“Jakey! Jakey!” the three men chanted.
Jake showed them all an up-close view of his middle finger and pushed me in Momma Bell’s direction. “Let’s get this over with.”
We approached the elderly woman from the side, but she didn’t notice. Momma Bell sat in a plastic lawn chair with her pudgy hips sticking out the sides along with her flowery sundress. Her fluffy white hair reminded me of the baby chicks in Hank’s brooder box.
Floss motioned to us and gave the introduction. “Momma Bell, you remember Jake. And this is his girlfriend, Emily.”
Momma Bell wrenched herself out of her chair, pinched Jake’s cheek lovingly, and then slapped him in the back of his head. “Jakey’s all grown up, but obviously didn’t learn any manners,” she told me, before looking back at him. “You took long enough getting over here.”
“Sorry about that, Momma Bell. How have you—”
“Jakey, put a sock in it. It’s time I met my newest granddaughter. Why don’t you leave us girls alone to get acquainted?”
As big a smile as Jake wore, you would’ve thought the guy had just gotten laid. Blissfully happy, he didn’t argue or waste any time making tracks back to the ice chests for another beer.
I turned back to Momma Bell to meet the granddaughter she spoke of. That’s when I realized she was referring to me. Granddaughter? I just met the woman. And Jake wasn’t her grandson, nor did he wish to be.
Momma Bell grabbed me in a bear hug, practically squeezing the life out of me. For a second, I wondered if Frankie Felts had put her on his payroll. Seconds before I passed out, she released me. But that wasn’t the extent of the torture. She felt me up, from my shoulders all the way to my hipbones.
“You’re too scrawny, girl. Need some meat on your pitiful bones. Floss, you go get this girl a plate of food, and pile it high. I’m going to see to it she eats every bite.”
“Oh, no, that’s okay. I’m not hungry.”
“Nonsense,” Momma Bell argued. “You’re going to eat or we’re going to have one of them there telethons for you. You’ll make yourself sick being so skinny.”
Floss smiled at me before changing the subject. “I need to check if Hank watered my garden. He sometimes forgets.”
Momma Bell looked beside herself. “Men these days. They don’t pay attention. Why, if my Earl had ever done that, I’d have cooked his goose.”
“Earl is Momma Bell’s late husband,” Floss explained.
I nodded. “Jake mentioned him earlier.”
Momma Bell patted the chair next to hers as Floss walked away. “Sit, girl. I’m going to tell you all about Earl.”
Floss cut out after the first five minutes and never came back. And to think I used to like that woman. I glared across the yard, giving Jake a help-me look, but he just shrugged and tipped his beer at me. I returned a look, promising retribution, and resisted the urge to rip out my hair.
I tried to be polite, but an hour later I found myself scooting away like a coward. “Nice to meet you, Momma Bell.”
“I’m not through with you, young lady. You come back and visit me.”
“Okay,” I said, forcing my mouth to curl into a smile. What I really thought was right after I commit suicide, you crazy loon.
I couldn’t find Jake, but saw Cowboy standing near the coolers. “If Jake ever leaves me alone with that woman again, I’m going to borrow her pitchfork and stab him with it.”
He grinned. “What happened?”
“That crazy ass woman put a dip of snuff in her mouth and made me hold her spit can. Then she pulled a jar from her purse and made me take a drink. I think it was poison.”
“Moonshine,” Cowboy corrected with a chuckle. “Why didn’t you refuse?”
“The woman carries a gun in her purse. I’m not nearly as crazy as she is.”
“Now you know why Jakey avoids her.”
I blew out a breath. “No kidding. I’m surprised Jake hasn’t fed her to Charlie yet. Where is he, anyway?”
“He’s…uh…well, he’s…” Cowboy looked around, as if he was searching through the crowd. “Um…I don’t reckon I know.”
“What a crock of bullshit,” I said, which made his head turn to me with wide eyes. “Since the day I met you, you’ve never been at a loss for words, Mr. Smooth Operator.” My eyes pierced into his with an unnerving stare. “Now, let’s try this again. Where’s Jake?”
Cowboy sighed. “He didn’t want me to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
“He went to the barn with Bobbie Jo.”
First, I was shocked. Then hurt. Then enraged.
“Hey,” Cowboy called after me. “Where are you going?”
“To the barn. Where else?”