Reckless Abandon

Leah just started telling me a story about a fight her and her friend Jessica had over the bridesmaid dresses.


He raises his brows and tilts his head, and I know he is asking Did you ask if I can come to the wedding yet? I shake my head: No. He is not happy about it, but kisses me on the side of the head anyway.

“I have to take a shower,” he whispers.

“Great, I ordered Thai,” I whisper back, my hand still on the receiver. Leah is still rambling.

Alexander’s face lights up knowing I ordered his favorite food. “My wallet is in my bag. I’m buying.” His face is stern and I know he means business. I would fight him on it but since I treated him to dinner a few times over these last few weeks, my meager budget is running low.

Plus, Christmas is coming up. What do I buy the man who has everything?

Good question because even I can’t figure it out.

“Are you there?” Leah asks from the other end.

I snap out of my self-thought and tend to our conversation. “Yes, I can’t believe that bitch,” I offer, assuming whatever their fight was over, it’s best to take the bride’s side.

“I know, right?” She huffs and then I can almost hear her shaking it off. “All right, enough of that. What are you doing tonight?”

“We ordered in. We’ll probably watch a movie or something.”

Leah is quiet for a second, but it only lasts for a second. “Does he, like, live with you now?”

Does Alexander live with me? He said he would. Everyday he brings over a bag of more clothes and never seems to bring any back uptown with him. All of his toiletries are in the bathroom and my kitchen is filled with enough health food to feed a commune. And cereal, he really likes cereal. The sugary kind.

I laugh to myself. He is such a contradiction. Alexander Asher is a guy who eats healthy throughout the day but loves high-sodium takeout, cheese cake, and sugary cereals at night. His eating habits reflect the two very different people that are Alexander Asher.

Alexander is a guy who loves music, plays the cello and the piano. He is soulful and desperate at times, needing connections and affection. He likes to play board games, dance and reads the funny pages when he thinks no one is looking.

Asher is serious and controlled. He works uptown and watches cable news and the stock market all day long. He drinks three thousand–dollar scotch, completes New York Times crosswords, gets his face professionally shaven by a master barber and controls an empire of two thousand employees.

The crazy thing is I love both sides of him. Even though I fell in love with the soulful version of him, I can’t help but be mesmerized by the controlled side of the man. He is impressive in every aspect.

Oh, man, I have hit rock bottom of the damn rabbit hole.

“Okay, you are not even paying attention to me anymore.” Leah is starting to sound irritated and rightly so. My head is so into Asher right now I can’t think straight.

We hang up just as the doorbell rings. I rush over to Alexander’s briefcase and unzip the bag. He only brings it with him when he has to bring files back and forth. His laptop has been sitting on my grandmother’s secretary desk for weeks so he can plug in while he’s here. Some of my favorite nights are when we’re curled up on the couch together, he on his laptop and me skimming through my iPad.

When the bag is fully opened, the first thing I notice is a large manila envelope.

Malory made a comment about a manila envelope. I would be lying if I haven’t been itching to know what she was talking about. I am so curious to know if this is the one she looked at. The one that made him so angry.

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