From that point on, Colton did what he said he would do. If we made plans, he kept them. His mom saw to it if it looked like he was going in another direction. And he put me first, which felt amazing. It wasn’t forced. I just had to set exact expectations. Say what I meant. Be literal.
We had a new understanding, and it worked.
The last three weeks of school flew by. Between studying for finals and actually taking them, my head was focused elsewhere. Colton and I studied together whenever we could; in person, on the computer, or on the phone.
I accepted our relationship for what it was: beautifully sweet. We were taking our time. It was based on more than sex, unlike other people we knew. Even if some of them were already doing more, it didn’t matter to me. My high school memories didn’t need to include that for me to be happy.
I did great on my finals.
Colton did, too, obviously.
He did not stay late at work the day of graduation. He was right there in the bleachers to accept his diploma. It was bittersweet to hug Quinn afterward. It was more so to be caught up in Sawyer’s arms as he swung me around like a rag doll, his graduation gown trapping me in the blinding red of the material.
Colton did not punch Sawyer. He trusted him. And he would miss them, too. I was sure of it.
Just like they’d miss us.
It was such an achievement and I could not have been more proud when I got to see my boyfriend accept his diploma in front of so many people and he didn’t have one of his ‘moments’.
It felt like everything was finally coming together.
The start of something new for all of us.
* * *
Longer days bring longer nights and with it there’s usually boredom. But not this time.
We were all so busy. It seemed like the months rushed by much faster than I could have imagined. Don’t get me wrong, it was good. It just backed up that old saying that time flies when you’re having fun.
Colton and I found a great little rhythm, and it seemed like he was less stressed without being in school. He was thriving at the museum, and focusing on his artwork, as well as spending time with our friends and me. But it was obvious our time alone was what he liked the most.
I had to agree.
When the weather would permit, we spent a lot of our time outside. Some of my best memories over the summer were of us in these secluded trees by the edge of a stream in the woods behind his house. A place where I could sit and read books while he painted.
Watching him paint in the open was beautiful. He seemed to capture the colors of nature so perfectly and it was almost magical to see him get lost in what he loved so much. By then, the silence between us was comfortable. We had all the time in the world, it seemed.
Those months made me appreciate a lot of things I had probably taken for granted for a long, long time.
John Lennon once said life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. He was pretty awesome and I get what he meant now.
I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve been writing about my relationship with Colton. Aside from the obvious hurdles we’d faced. Aside from the fact we’re young. There has to be more to the story, right?
Sometimes change makes you sit up and pay attention, opening your eyes to so many new things, it’s as if you’d been asleep for the first eighteen years of your life.
Plans change.
Life changes.
And as an after effect, love changes, too.
* * *
I helped plan his eighteenth birthday party with Sheila. Obviously, a surprise party wasn’t going to work, so we made sure to have plans set in stone and told him well in advance and that it was a big deal for us to celebrate the fact he was amazing, alive, and in our lives.
Of course, it rained on his birthday and the plans we’d made had to be altered because we couldn’t be outside for a barbecue in a downpour. His mom and I were clearly more disappointed than he was about things not going over as well as we hoped. But all our friends were there and we kept the amount of guests to a minimum so it could be intimate. So it would mean something.
He seemed to genuinely have a good time, and Sheila kissed me on the head as she was cleaning up while the last of the guests were preparing to leave. She didn’t need to say it out loud, but it was obvious Colton hadn’t had a birthday party with friends in attendance ever. The fact we had to make a list of who to invite in order to keep the numbers low made her teary eyed.
I’ll admit . . . it made me a little teary eyed, too.
After everyone left, the rain let up to almost nothing and I asked Colton if he wanted to take a walk.
Honestly, I just wanted some alone time with him on his birthday and I would take anything I could get. We set out down the street, hand in hand, walking the sidewalk in silence as the night turned darker. And it suddenly dawned on me what his birthday meant in terms of our relationship.
“We’re the same age, now.” I laughed and held his hand tighter.
“Did that bother you?” he asked, his head tilting in a really cute way.
I shook my head. “No. I just like we’re the same age right now.”
“Technically, you are still older than me by quite a few months . . .” he started and I cut him off with a playful squeeze to his shoulder.
“I don’t care about technicalities. We’re the same age. Don’t argue.”
It had gotten easier over time. He was still very literal and always would be, but if I stated my case well enough, he would find the humor. We walked to the edge of the woods and I leaned against an old tree that was huge, with thick leaves dripping rain all down on the top of my head. But watching Colton in the moonlight made any discomfort I had seem so insignificant, that, at some point, I just stopped paying attention to it all together.
I whispered into his ear I loved him and told him Happy Birthday, promising him the next one would be even better. And the one after that. I kissed him until I was sure the moon was jealous.
Then, all at once, the moonlight disappeared and the skies opened with a torrential downpour. Forget being upset about the raindrops from the tree leaves. I was a drowned rat, laughing hysterically as buckets and buckets fell from the sky.
And as lightning flashed overhead followed by thunder so loud it made the ground beneath my feet shake, I caught a glimpse of that child-like wonder on Colton’s face that he’d had all those years ago on the first day I went over to his house to pretend to babysit him.
This time he didn’t cover his ears. Instead he grabbed my hand and started to run, jumping over puddles as we raced back to his house.
I love that memory.
Maybe the most.
* * *
Summer was almost over and I was so focused, had tunnel vision so badly, I must not have been paying attention. To any of it. Because now when I look back on it, there were little clues, I think.
I think there were.
Mrs. Neely called and asked me to invite my family over for a cook-out at their house. It was short notice, which was unexpected. But she was really excited about it, encouraging me to bring our friends as well. It didn’t seem all out of the ordinary to invite them anymore. We just usually had more than a day’s notice.
Either way, I showed up with my parents in tow. I’d barely had enough time to set my things down in the coat closet before being accosted by Harper and pulled away into the far corner of the backyard where the old swing set once stood.
Between her talking my ear off, and Mrs. Neely rushing back and forth between the backyard and the house, I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.
I should have.
Contentment, you see . . . it causes blindness.
Later I would find out that Sheila let Colton make the decision to have all of us there for his big news. Unlike when he got the job at the museum and I found out through her, it had been arranged for her son to announce it himself. To everyone.
It was brand new. Less than twenty-four hours old.
The news that would rip a hole in my chest wide open and cause my entire life to fold in around me like a half-assed house of cards.
He looked so pleased. And why not? It was quite an accomplishment, really. I couldn’t argue. And he spoke directly to me when he said it out loud for the first time. Sheila gathered us around as she prompted Colton to speak. Her smile was so electric. She was proud. Beaming at how far he’d come. She stood by my side and squeezed my shoulders.
“He asked to tell everyone at once.”
His father stood off with my parents, practically bursting with joy. My mom and dad were probably as confused as I was. And even though I was standing in a crowd of people I trusted and loved, I had never felt more alone than in that moment.
Colton, so happy and proud; smiling wide and eyes downcast for a moment before lifting, simply said it as best as he could.
“I’ve been offered an internship in England through the museum.”
My heart died.
Fell right out of my chest and onto the bright green grass beneath my feet as I stared at him, muted by shock.
“I’ll be boarding a plane to leave the country on August thirteenth at nine p.m.” Another smile. Joyous applause and congratulations from the crowd of onlookers.
Except from me.
Except from me and my parents. Maybe Harper, too. I don’t quite remember because the haze was too thick. The memory, while not that old, is hard to pinpoint because it’s surreal, you know?
“The junior curator will accompany him. He’ll be well taken care of.” Sheila said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and my heart wasn’t breaking right beside her.
I dropped my cup at my feet; sticky liquid hitting my exposed toes. And I think that’s when people started to get quiet.
“What about school?” My hands, they were shaking so badly, but I couldn’t make them stop. We’d talked about this. I wasn’t going far. We’d talked about transferring to the same college eventually. We’d talked about the future . . .
He looked at me with that expression that killed me on the inside. So honest. Pure. “I’ll be tutored abroad.”
It was then I lost all semblance of control, my head falling to my chest as I started to cry so hard I couldn’t see. “You’re leaving me?” Hands were on me. Comforting. My parents. Perhaps even Harper, but I wasn’t sure because I didn’t let it last too long.
Instead, I pushed by all of them, not even offering a final word to Colton as I ran through the backyard and into the house to escape out the front door.