He reached for her, took her arm, but she shrugged out of his grasp.
Anguish lacerated him at her rejection.
‘Do you know how it feels knowing I wasn’t your first choice of wife, not even your second? That you married me because of who my grandfather was?’
She drew a huge shuddering sigh and Raul felt the full weight of regret bear down on him for all he’d done to this vibrant, special woman.
All through their relationship his needs had come first. She’d given him what he wanted, more than he’d ever dreamed possible, and all the time she’d suffered.
He’d known it, had felt pangs of guilt but never before had he truly faced the full magnitude of Luisa’s distress and loss. He’d conned himself into believing she’d begun to feel some of the pleasure he did in their union , shared some of his hopes for the future.
Reality hit him like a sledgehammer to the heart.
Raul shoved trembling hands into his pockets rather than reach for her. Clearly she didn’t want his touch. The knowledge burned like acid.
‘Is that why you’ve booked a flight to Sydney next week?’
Luisa’s mouth gaped then shut with a snap. ‘You know about that?’
‘I just found out.’ He waited. When she remained silent he prompted, hoping against hope there was another reason for her trip. ‘Is there a family emergency?’
She shook her head and he felt hope flicker and fade.
‘I wanted to go home.’ Her voice cracked and it was all Raul could do not to scoop her close.
‘This is your home.’ His voice was rough, emotion scouring each word.
She shook her head so fervently fine gold hair whirled around her face and he’d have sworn her eyes shimmered with tears. His stomach clenched as from a crippling blow.
‘I need time. Time away from here.’
Time away from him.
Something withered in Raul’s breast. Something he couldn’t put a name to. He’d hoped eventually she’d be happy with him, forget how he’d forced her to come here. Had he deluded himself, believing she’d come to care for him? That they’d begun to share something special?
But he couldn’t give up.
‘You belong here now, Luisa.’
He cut himself off before he could say she belonged to him.
‘Do I?’ She spun away, her arms wrapped over her chest. She drew a shuddering breath. ‘I think it would be wise if I went away for a while. You see—’
‘Running away, Luisa?’ He couldn’t be hearing this. Only yesterday she’d snuggled, naked in his embrace, and he’d felt. he’d hoped.
She shook her head. ‘You’ll be crowned. You’ll have what you want.’ Her voice sounded muffled.
And what if it was her he wanted? It struck him with the force of absolute truth that he wanted nothing more than to spend his life with Luisa.
Why had he not seen it so clearly before?
The crown, even his country, meant nothing without Luisa.
Had he lost her for good?
Unbidden, an image rose of her and Lukas. Would they meet in Australia?
He refused to consider the possibility.
‘You can’t leave the day after the coronation. At least put off the trip for a while.’ He needed time to make her see reason. Time to convince her to stay.
She stiffened. ‘I thought I should be there for the ceremony. But maybe it would be better if—’
She stopped as his mobile phone beeped insistently. With an impatient click of his tongue Raul reached into his pocket and switched it off.
‘That’s your private line. It’s probably important.’
He stalked towards her, in no mood to be distracted. ‘This is important, Luisa.’
The sound of Luisa’s landline ringing cut across his words. Before he could prevent her, she’d lifted the receiver, as if eager for the interruption.
‘It’s for you.’ She held out the receiver to him. ‘The government’s legal counsel says he has to speak with you.’
Raul hesitated. They needed to discuss this now. But the matter he’d had the lawyers working on would surely help his cause with Luisa. He was desperate enough to clutch at anything that would help.
He reached for the phone.
Luisa watched Raul, so intent on the lawyer’s news.
See? She’d been right about his priorities. As his wife she came somewhere near the bottom.
He’d challenged her about her trip to Australia and she’d waited, half dreading, half hoping he’d decree she couldn’t go, say she had to remain, not for reasons of state but because he couldn’t bear to be parted from her.
She’d imagined being swept into his arms, hauled against his hard torso and imprisoned there. Because he loved her as she loved him and he refused to release her.
Reality was so different.
‘There’s something I need to attend to.’
Wearily she nodded. There’d always be something more important than the state of their marriage. Dejectedly she wondered if perhaps it would be better if she left and didn’t return.
‘Luisa, did you hear me?’
‘Sorry?’ She looked up to find him already reaching for the door.
‘I said we need to talk, properly. I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
Luisa nodded, donning the mask of composure that now felt brittle enough to crack. Or was that her heart? Her last hope for a real marriage had just shattered.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
‘THANK YOU, everyone.’ Raul nodded to the High Court judges, the Attorney General and the other witnesses who’d been urgently summoned two hours ago on his orders to witness this history-altering event.
In other circumstances he’d be excited at the prospect of initiating such significant change. But it was all he could do to wait patiently while they filed slowly from the chamber, leaving him alone.
So alone.
His mind snagged on the image of Luisa just hours ago in her room, pale and strained as she spoke of the need to get away. The hurt she’d felt at her place in his life.
How deeply he’d injured her, forcing her into his world.
Was he doing the right thing now, trying to tie her to him more strongly than ever? He looked at the parchment on the desk, checked, signed, countersigned and witnessed. The document he’d long planned as a surprise for Luisa, a testament of his regard for her.
The document that now represented his last-ditch, desperate effort to convince her to stay.
Did he have the right to try to hold her when life with him had made her so patently unhappy?
Until today he’d thought her content. More than content: happy.
Was he doomed never to find that emotional closeness Luisa had spoken of so longingly? Was he simply not the right man to make her happy?
Pain seared through his clenched jaw at the notion of letting her go.
Terror engulfed him at the thought of life without her.
But who could blame her? He’d never experienced real love and surely that lack had left him emotionally flawed. Was he incapable of providing what she needed in a husband?
If she wanted to be here it would be different. Together they could face anything. If she cared for him …
His bark of raw laughter was loud in the silence. How could Luisa care for him after what he’d done to her? He’d deluded himself, believing things had changed between them these past weeks. The way she’d shied from his touch this evening said it all.
He turned to the window and looked at the glitter of city lights below. Normally he enjoyed the view of the capital he loved, the valley that had been home to his family for centuries. That sense of place, of belonging, always brought comfort.