I nodded at him, but wondered if I was doing the right thing. I felt like I owed him something for all the support he had given me. Was this it? He smiled down at me in a show of victory, thinking he’d won.
Placing his hands on the inside of my knees, he pushed my legs apart so he could stand closer. I flinched when his hands caressed my inner thighs, still conflicted over how fast things were moving between us. Maybe too fast for me, but I was silent as his fingers found the lace edge of my panties. I gave into him, because he had been so good to me. My body was the only thing I had to give him.
James stretched the lace and his fingers stroked my sensitive skin. I wanted to enjoy his touch. I wanted to feel all the right sensations.
But I didn’t.
“Fuck, Harlow. Do you know how hard it’s been sleeping down the hall from you? To know you’re in here alone?” His blue eyes reflected a man teeming with unbridled desire. His crazed passion should have caused the blood to race through my veins.
But it didn’t.
“Harlow, I have to taste you. My beautiful, sweet girl.”
Resting on my elbows, I watched him close his eyes and inhale. He dipped his head lower and rested my feet on his shoulders. I knew what came next. The thought of his mouth on me should have excited me.
But it didn’t.
A single tear rolled down my cheek when his tongue worked over me. The harder he tried to bring me pleasure, the further I withdrew. It made no sense. The touch of his skilled tongue would send any woman to the moon and back.
The pain of the memory shakes me back to reality. This man saved me in my darkest hour. Rescued me when I had no one else. Housed me in comfort and safety for the first time in my life. Adorns me with material belongings I never dreamed of owning. I’m afraid to tell him the truth. It’s not his fault I may be damaged.
I wipe my eyes in an attempt to scrub the memory away, but I’m as confused today as I was when James first made love to me on this bed. I should feel turned on by his touch, after all the times we’ve been together. Something’s wrong with me. I’m not normal. Maybe this is how I will always react to sex. Numb.
I sit up on the bed and face the dresser drawers. The mirror on the top catches my eye and I stare at a woman with a polished veneer in the reflection. Perfectly styled hair, clothing that belongs in New York’s finest boutiques—I’ve been groomed to match the models on the pages of glossy magazines. But when I focus on my watery eyes, the face behind the perfect presentation becomes clear: a frightened girl searching for direction—lost somewhere between my mother’s apartment and James’ sanctuary.
My mind whirls, having no idea who I am in this moment. Exhaustion from lack of sleep the night before pushes me back against the soft covers. Knowing the house is ready and I have a few hours before I need to be at the airport, I close my eyes and drift into a welcome escape.
Chapter Four
Sin
“Here you go, Bentley.” I toss my apartment keys to my best friend. He catches them with greedy hands and stuffs them into his pocket. “Keep everything as is while I’m away.”
“This place is unreal, Sin. I still can’t get over the view.” Bentley has said this every time he’s visited me over the last four years. Nina, my doting, Upper East Side grandmother, purchased this apartment for me when I chose to stay in New York City and attend Columbia for undergrad. No one in my class topped this as a high school graduation present. “There’s nothing like this city.”
“I would agree with you there.” I rub the back of my neck, remembering where I’m heading for the next four weeks: Rochester, Minnesota.
I’ll survive, but I’d prefer a vacation in a warmer climate like Miami, where the girls wear next to nothing. The beach and bikinis would be a great distraction before I hit the books for the next hundred years. Well, more like eight, but coffee, exhaustion, and shit hospital food loom in my future and Rochester doesn’t sound like a place to throw a final bender.
In the end, having a summer internship at The Clinic on my résumé equals gold in the medical community—thank you, Uncle James. Let the fun begin.
“It’s okay if I invite a few friends over, right?” Not turning around, Bentley takes several photos of the view with his cell phone. This is the first time I’ve let him loose with the keys to my place, and I may live to regret this decision. He promised I could ask anything of him in the future and he would grant me my wish—my own personal southern genie.
“Sure.” I watch his fingers fly over the screen of his phone, betting he’s sending the photos along with my address to his friends now. “Just remember this isn’t a frat house at Ole’ Miss.”