CHAPTER 7 Why is He Still in Your Heart?
Another couple of long weeks passed without being able to spend much time with one another. Nothing made me happier these days than being with Emily.
“Hello Sweetheart. Are you done with school?” I called her on her cell.
“Yeah, it’s almost vacation so there’s not much for me to do. I came home early. Do you want to come over for dinner?”
“It might not be till late,” I answered.
“Was it ever early?” she laughed. “Come whenever you can. Call me right before you leave.”
Early for my standards I left the hospital around eight and stopped by the flower shop before going to Emily’s. Not knowing what flowers she liked, I picked a vase filled with a large array of flowers. I drove like a mad man, toppling the vase a couple of times, to see her as quickly as possible. Rather than ringing the doorbell, I used my set of keys. I tip toed in quietly, put the flowers on the dining table, and crept up right behind her and kissed her neck.
She hollered in fright.
I frightened her even more by forcing a kiss to stop the hollering.
She broke off much too soon. “JAKE! You scared me to death. I need my key back if you’re going to do this again.”
“I’m not giving it back.” I kissed her some more. “What are you making? It smells good.”
“I’m trying to make a paella. It’s almost done. Will you set the table?”
“Okay.” Searching through every drawer, I took out all the necessary utensils and opened up a bottle of wine. Without a doubt, this felt like home.
“Jake, I want to ask you something.” She brought over our meal.
“What is it?” I took the large spoon and served the both of us. “Emi, this is delicious!” I said after taking the first bite.
“Well, there’s this Christmas Ball I attend every year and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me this year?”
I looked up from my bite. “Of course! When is it?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? How come you’re asking me now? What if I’m working tomorrow night?”
“If you’re working, we don’t have to go. I didn’t go last year either. Sarah and Charlie are forcing me to go this year because they are involved with the planning.”
“Will your ex and his girlfriend be there? Is that why you don’t want to go?”
“Kind of… I’m such a chicken, huh? I’m still not mentally ready to see him or his new girl. I’d be totally fine if you didn’t want to go.”
“Emily, let’s go and get this over with. I’m perturbed that you’re still bothered by your ex. Maybe you’re not over him.” I put down my utensils and confronted Emily though this was not my intention. She looked startled.
“I am over him! I just don’t want to see him,” was Emily’s defense.”
“If you don’t like him anymore, why is it so hard for you see him again?”
“I don’t know. I’m afraid to see him. I don’t want to remember the hurtful memories of our last day.” Emily’s eyes watered and this angered me further. Here was a girl I wanted to marry and she was still crying at the memory of her ex-boyfriend. I knew she hurt easily and teared readily and I should have been more understanding but this only fueled my frustration.
“Emily. From the day I met you, every time Max’s name came up, your expression turned gloomy and your eyes flooded with water. How are we to progress if you can’t let go of your past?” I regretted my words as soon as they came out.
“Have you never loved someone so much that when it was over you felt like your life was over too? Well, that was me with Max. He broke my heart into so many pieces it’s still not back together again. Honestly, I don’t love him anymore but I can’t say I don’t still hurt. I don’t know when this hurt will stop.”
Her response borderline enraged me. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. “What about me? What about us?” My tone was harsh.
“Jake, I like you very much but we just started getting to know each other. You really do have a way with making me feel so special. And I was telling you the truth when I said I feel empty when you’re not with me. But please understand Max was with me every day for four years. All those memories are hard to erase so quickly.”
“So quickly? It’s been a year and a half already. Emily, I don’t think you want to forget. If that’s the case, what am I doing here?” I got up to leave mid-dinner.
“Jake, please don’t go.” She held my hand and followed me to the door. “Can’t we talk this through? I’m not in love with him anymore, I have no desire to be with Max, and I’m working on letting go of all the hurt. Can’t you give me a little more time? You and I met suddenly and whatever it is that we have right now blossomed much quicker than I expected.”
“What do you mean whatever it is that we have? Are we not in a relationship?”
She looked at me with tears flowing in her eyes again. This time the tears were a result of my words. This had nothing to do with her ex. “I don’t know what we are in. We’ve never sat down to talk about us. Every time I think it might happen, you get called away.”
“So, it’s back to being my fault. Emily, I can’t win with you. Let’s talk later. I’m going to leave.” I let go of her hand and walked out the door. As I peeked in her window while driving the car around I saw that she hadn’t left her spot. I shouldn’t have said all those things to her. She was right. We hadn’t talked about our relationship. That was the reason for the ring – to solidify our commitment. I thought about going back to her and telling her how much I loved her but the damage had been done.
I got home and found her text waiting for me.
I’m very sorry. I wish you hadn’t left. I miss you.
Terrible was an understatement for what I felt before reading her text and now I felt even worse. Why had I done this to her? She was only being honest telling me where her heart was at. I couldn’t blame her for not feeling as strongly as I did. Needing to make things right, I called her immediately. There was no answer. A minute later I called again. She still didn’t answer.
Emily, where are you? Why aren’t you answering your phone?
She took much longer than usual to answer her text.
I’m home.
Why aren’t you answering your phone?
Because…
My heart broke and my stomach turned. I had made her cry again. This was probably why she wasn’t answering her phone.
Emily, are you crying?
There was no answer again.
Emily, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have walked out on you. Do you want me to come over right now? Can we talk?
I think I’m going to turn in for the night. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. You don’t have to go with me tomorrow night if you are busy. I will go by myself. You were right. I need to face Max at some point and move on with my life. I’m sure the first time is the hardest.
I will come pick you up around 6:00. Can I shower and get ready at your place?
Sure, but you really don’t have to take me. I promise. I will attend with or without you.
Goodnight, Sweetheart. I’m sorry I left you alone. I miss you too.
Goodnight.
Right on time I parked outside her house to find the lights off and her car absent. My texts and calls went unreturned so I worried that she was still hurt by my actions last night. Wanting to wait for her inside but holding off a few more minutes I replayed last night’s conversation. Tonight we would discuss our relationship and I would get this ring on her and show her where I would like for us to head.
Finally, her car pulled up into the driveway and she almost stumbled out of her car in excitement. She beamed a most stunning smile when our eyes met. Beautiful! – The only word that aptly described this woman in my life. Trusting she wasn’t upset anymore I walked over to greet her.
“Hi Jake. I’m so happy to see you. Have you been waiting long? I wish you would have called me,” was her welcome.
“Hi Beautiful. You look stunning.” I didn’t think it could be possible for her to look any better. “Do you not have your phone on you? I called and texted all day but you never answered. You had me worried.”
“Sorry. I guess I forgot my phone at home. I’m so happy you’re here.” She stopped to hug me. It made me feel wanted and appreciated but a little guilty that she was so happy to see me. “Let’s go in. You can use the guest room to get ready.”
“Did you not believe me last night when I said I was coming to pick you up at six?”
A peculiar smile donned my beauty’s face. It looked like she didn’t believe me but was trying to play it off.
“Well?” I pushed a little harder for a truthful answer.
“Go in and get dressed,” was all I got as she pointed to the guest bathroom. I let it go for now.
We both walked out at the same time and my date was a picture of perfection. “You look amazing,” I declared putting my arms around her. She had a funny guilt-ridden look on her face. Maybe she felt bad about last night’s conversation. We needed to work through last night’s argument once this evening was done. Tonight, I really needed to give her this ring and have us commit to one another.
“You look pretty amazing yourself. I’m going to have to fight off all the ladies in the ballroom,” she teased. With Max attending this event, there was not a chance I would be with anyone but Emily. My eyes would not let this beautiful girl out of my sight.
We walked to my car and I caught Emily staring at me in the most loving way. I’d not seen this look before. This look gave me a sense of hope that we would make it to the very end. I loved this girl immensely but she frustrated me with her response. Some days she responded as though she loved me just as much as I loved her, and some days I wondered if we would make it through today.
We got to the hotel and walked into a large ballroom. “Emily!” was all heard when in the blink of an eye I had lost my date to a group of ladies. Three women had pulled Emily away and they were whispering and giggling together. Emily looked my way and pulled me back to her side.
“Jake, this is Becca, Lizzy and Christie. We have all been roommates at some point throughout my four years in undergrad.”
“Ladies, this is Jake,” Emily introduced us.
“Hello, Jake!” they all chorused in unison like those ER residents did to Emily. She was right. It was creepy.
“Hi.” I smiled and nodded politely.
“Jake, I’m going to go see Sarah and Charlie and get us checked in. Hang here with all the gals, will ya?” Emily said with a wink. Helpless, I had no choice but to talk to these women as Emily quickly walked away with a smirk on her face.
“So Jake… what do you do for a living?” The girl with the red hair asked. I think she was Christie.
“I’m a doctor.”
“Ooh, what kind of doctor?” This time it was the blond girl who asked. Becca, possibly?
“I’m a heart surgeon.”
“Wow!” they chorused again.
“So how did you and Emily meet? When did you meet? Have you been dating long? Are you just friends? Are you two serious? Which hospital do you work at? I’d love to give you my number if you and Emily aren’t an item.” I got whiplash going back and forth listening to the onslaught of questions. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t say a word.
As they kept asking more questions, I realized these women were no different than those ER interns. Emily knew exactly what she was doing when she left me here alone. That was why she had that smirk on her face. I’d have to get her back for this one.
“Excuse me, ladies. I need to get back to my Emily.” With that I walked away and hurried towards Emily who was talking to a group of people.
Rudely interrupting her conversation, I grabbed her from behind and forced my lips on hers. Stupefied, Emily tried to push me away as her cheeks turned many shades darker. Her eyes stayed wide opened.
“Oh geez Charlie, look. Those two are at it again,” Sarah responded with a happy sigh.
When I thought she’d had enough, I let go. Her ragged breath and flustered cast had me, Charlie and Sarah in stitches.
“What was that?” she whispered embarrassed to show her face.
“Payback.” I playfully threatened her. “Why did you run away and leave me with those women? If I have to spend any more time with those women, I’m going to take you back to the ER tonight.”
Emily understood and started cracking up. “You didn’t like my friends? I’m sure they liked you!”
“I missed you. Don’t leave my side tonight. I don’t want to be apart from you, okay?”
She nodded her head.
I realized many eyes were staring at us. “I’m sorry,” I said to Emily and her friends, “was I interrupting something?”
Emily now looked rattled. By the way she started stammering, I knew who this guy was.
“No… This is Max. Max…, this is Jake.”
I put out my hand. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you, Max.”
“Nice meeting you too.” Max sounded agitated. “And this is my girlfriend Jennifer.”
Emily was not included as Max introduced Jennifer to the people around him. I felt Emily grab my hand and stand slightly behind me. I knew she was hurting thinking about Jennifer who took over her position so soon after Emily had vacated it. Timidly she stayed behind me. She wanted to be protected and I would be her protector.
“Let’s go see where we’re sitting. We’ll see you all later.” I called out and took Emily away from the spotlight. Stepping away from the crowd I wanted to make sure Emily wasn’t tearing as she so easily does.
“Emily, are you okay?” Attempting to sound more comforting than annoyed, I saw her crinkled face change into a weak grin.
“Yes. I’m okay. Are you sorry you came tonight? Isn’t this what you didn’t want to see – me being rattled by the sight of Max and his new girlfriend?”
“You seemed more rattled by watching the rest of our reactions. Emily, seeing you anxious doesn’t make me happy and I have to apologize to you for my behavior last night. There was no reason for me to be so angry and I definitely shouldn’t have walked out on you and our dinner. I’m alright seeing you and Max together. Can we let this go for now and have a long overdue talk when this function is over?”
I assumed her responsive kiss was a yes.
“Let’s go meet some of my friends. I see them at our table.” She sounded happy again. “One more thing, Max and Jennifer are at our table. I hope that’s okay. Sarah and Charlie thought it would be funny to have us all together. I’m sorry.” I didn’t care who we sat with but Emily sounded annoyed.
In my meanest tone I told her, “I’ll have a talk with them later tonight.”
She giggled.
We went on to meet more friends. Emily let go of my hand and hugged one of her friends longingly. I could tell by her face that this was her dear friend, Peter. He too seemed to have missed my Emily very much. She tugged me over towards him.
“Peter, I want you to meet my date. This is Jake. Jake, this is Peter, my friend, my quasi brother.”
“It’s nice meeting you, Jake. When did you and Emily start dating? She never told us she was seeing someone.” He ended our conversation aiming the question at Emily. She answered with an innocent smile.
“Emily and I started dating a couple of months ago,” I answered.
“Oh, that’s not very long.” The way he said these words was a bit peculiar. I couldn’t grasp his hidden meaning.
“No, I wish we could see more of each other but due to my work schedule we date when possible. If I could, I’d spend every day with her.” I looked over at Emily and winked.
She shook her head and mouthed, “I don’t believe you!”
I forced another public display of affection on her and answered back, “I’d spend every waking and sleeping moment with you if it were possible.”
Peter looked uncomfortable. Emily turned red again and walked to the next table to talk to her friends, probably fearful of any more sudden attacks.
I found out tonight that Peter was a second year med student and Max was in his first year. We enthusiastically talked about the classes he was taking and the hardships of medical school. His bemoaning reminded me of those arduous years with no end in sight. Medical school faired easy when compared to residency. Looking at my life now, residency faired even easier when I thought about the long hours I worked – especially the hours that kept me away from Emily. Peter had no idea what he was in for after med school was done.
The emcee called for a first dance so I excused myself and went over to pick up my love. Charlie and Sarah waltzed over to us immediately.
“Hey, Jake!”
“I don’t know if I should be saying hello to the both of you for putting us at the same table as Max and Jennifer. Are you trying to help us or tear us apart?” Of course I was kidding.
“We are only trying to show you off to Max,” Sarah answered. “I want him to know Emily is doing very well without him.”
“Sounds great to me!” I answered enthusiastically.
Emily didn’t sound as happy as she squinted her eyes at her best friend and said, “Great. Thanks!” She then moved us away calling out, “See you later.”
With no one else to bother us, I pulled Emily into my body as close as possible. Six weeks of dating coupled with my hectic schedule and Emily’s demure nature, I hadn’t done more than kissed this girl. Bewildered I couldn’t figure out whether our lack of physical progress was due to Emily’s innocence, her lack of desire or maybe even her lack of experience? She and Max had dated for four years so it couldn’t have been a lack of experience. I shuddered at the image of her and Max. Possibly we could talk about this tonight as well.
My lips started on her ear slowly nibbling their way to the back of her neck then across the cheek and to her jaw. When I stopped at her lips she let out a quiet moan and her lips quivered as I covered them with my own. This was the passion I’d wanted to share with Emily and the reaction I’d been looking for. I showed her my plan of attack. She did not retreat. Enjoying her complete participation, our kiss deepened when my pager went off and broke our embrace.
“Damn! Not again!” I declared.
I looked guilty; she looked critical, but soon started to laugh. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll meet you back at the table,” she spoke shaking her head. As she walked away I noticed Peter taking her back to the dance floor.
“Hey, Linda, did you page me?” I prayed Linda wouldn’t tell me I had to return.
“Dr. Reid, I thought I’d let you know your patient, Adam Chen who got discharged this morning, came back in with chest pains.”
“Has Dr. Carter seen him?”
“Yes, but Mr. Chen has been asking for you. What shall I say?”
“Call me if the situation gets more serious. Otherwise, he’ll be in good care with Carter.”
“Okay.”
Hopefully I wouldn’t be needed any more tonight. I walked back into the ballroom and found Emily in Max’s arms. Hurt and angry, I had to calm myself before going back to Emily. I couldn’t understand why she would be dancing with him. Last I saw, she was with Peter. What had happened? I needed to go to her and get an explanation.
“Ahem. May I cut in?” Max jerked away and Emily panicked. Instead of a guilty look, she had a look of fear in her eyes I had never seen before. My heart sank. She was afraid of me.
Her words faltering and her face filled with anxiety she tried to explain herself. “Peter danced with me after you left and made me switch partners and told us to talk it out and … and…”
At this point I didn’t care if Emily still had feelings for her ex. I just wanted to comfort her and let her know I wasn’t upset with her.
“It’s okay, Emily. You don’t have to explain,” I answered pulling her into my chest.
“I promise I wasn’t trying…”
I cut her off. “Shh. Emily. It’s alright.”
She still couldn’t let it go. I saw the tears swell. She looked like a little girl caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Even this look was lovable.
“Nothing happened, I promise. I’m sorry.” Her voice was defeated.
“Emily. I wish I didn’t make you so anxious. It’s okay. I’m okay. You don’t need to apologize. Let’s go back to the table.” I did my best to reassure her but she didn’t look comforted. I couldn’t tell whether her sadness was caused by me or Max. I didn’t know which would be worse. I did need to let her know that there was a possibility I may have to leave. That’s the last thing I wanted to do but it was my reality.
“What will happen if I have to leave you early tonight?” I feared her answer.
“Do you have to leave?” Her visible disappointment was a happy response this time.
“No, not yet. There’s a chance but I think it will be okay.”
We were about to sit down when the pager went off again. I kissed Emily on the forehead and walked out to make my call.
“Dr Reid, I think you need to come back. Your patient needs you.”
“Alright. I’ll be there soon.”
I made a quick call to Uncle Henry. “Chief?”
“Yes, Jake.”
“I’m being called back into the hospital right now even though I’m not on call. I need you to give me the rest of this weekend off. ”
“Alright. I got it. I’ll make sure nobody looks for you this weekend. Now go see your patient. Obviously they really need you or else they wouldn’t have contacted you.”
“I’m holding you to it.” I trusted Uncle Henry would keep his word. Next I needed to call Uncle Dave.
“Uncle Dave? This is Jake.”
“Hey, Jake. What’s going on?”
“I have a favor to ask of you.” I prayed he could help.
“Okay. What do you need?”
“Can you get me a table for two at French Laundry, tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? Do you think I’m a miracle worker?”
“Please, Uncle Dave. I’d like to take Emily tomorrow for lunch. Please!”
“I’ll try. I won’t know till tomorrow morning. I’ll be in touch.”
“Thank you.”
“When do we get to meet this girl, Jake? You’ve said a whole lot but haven’t shown us anyone.”
“Christmas. You’ll meet her then. Thanks, again.”
So far, all has gone according to plan. I needed to go back to Emily with a plan. Using my phone I booked two seats on the 8:30am flight out of Burbank, then I called Jane.
“Jane, do me a favor.”
“Well, hello to you too big brother.” I ignored her sarcasm.
“Are you still up North?”
“Yeah. What do you need?”
“I’m bringing Emily up tomorrow and I need you to get me seats at the Opera House. I believe they’re playing Carmen. I’ll give you my credit card number. Reserve the best seats you can. Also, can you go out and get her something to wear? If you’re busy, I can have concierge do all this for me.”
“No, I’d love to do it for you. Can I come too? I can’t wait to meet her.” Jane had always wanted a sister. Knowing how lonely Emily had been for a good part of her life, she and Jane would grow to love each other like sisters. They complemented each other well.
“That would be nice. Emily has been asking about you too. Make dinner reservations also. We’ll probably get to the apartment around 3:00.”
“I’ve got plans all day tomorrow but will meet you and Emily for dinner. I’ll email you all the information. I can’t wait to meet her, Jake. By the way, what size dress and shoes do I get for her?”
“I’m not quite sure but you and Emily are about the same size. She’s a bit thinner and much prettier.”
“Great, thanks. You’re always so encouraging.”
I chuckled and got off the phone. Now it was time to face Emily. I walked in the ballroom hoping not to find her in Max’s arms again. The sight before me made me laugh. This time she was talking to Jennifer, Max’s girlfriend. What a night for Emily. I was only about to make it worse.
My sweetheart looked at me with hope and jitters. “Hi. Done with your call?”
I confirmed her fears as I let my sentence trail. “Yeah…”
“Oh, that doesn’t sound good.” She let out her cute whine.
“Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?”
“The bad.” She was always the pessimist.
“I have to go back to the hospital,” I said as quickly as possible.
“No!” she protested. “Not again. I thought you had the whole night off. Jake we hardly ever get to see each other. I think I’ve seen you once a week in the last couple of months.” Her protest was completely founded and I had stood her up too many times. I also didn’t want to leave her tonight of all nights as she appeared so fragile, so unprotected – like a raw wound flinching at the sight of pain.
As an apology I uttered, “I know and I’m sorry. I thought we’d be together tonight but my patient came back with complications and I might have to go back into surgery.”
She unhappily shrugged her shoulders and submitted to our reality. “Save another life tonight, Dr. Reid. I want to stop you but I can’t… I won’t.”
I loved this girl for always understanding my crazy work schedule. Tonight would not be the easiest night for her but she was letting me go without much fuss.
“But,” I told her, “the good news! Chief gave me the whole weekend off so I’m taking you on a surprise trip. We’re going somewhere far where no one can call me back to the hospital. Can you be ready by 7:00am? I’ll pick you up at your house.”
“Ok…” She still sounded glum. “Where are we going?” I was taken aback that she didn’t sound more excited. “How shall I dress? Is it going to be very cold?”
“It’s always cold up there,” I slipped hoping to generate more excitement.
“Up there?” I got her attention. “When will we be back? I assume we will be back tomorrow night?”
The enthusiasm in her voice gave me hope that we could finally spend a night together. Two months and very little intimacy, this was long overdue.
“Do we have options? Can we stay the weekend? Would that be okay?”
Her silence was uncomfortably long. Maybe she felt self conscious answering in front of eight pairs of eyes waiting for her to speak. They all appeared way too interested in our conversation. Max definitely couldn’t hide his interest.
“Um…”
I didn’t like the sound of this…
“No. I don’t think it’s wise for us to spend the night.”
No matter. I would convince her otherwise when we got up there. Excited to spend an entire day with her, I gave her an intense kiss while my pager beeped endlessly.
“Bye, I’ll miss you.” I then added, “And please, don’t fall back into your ex’s arms after I leave.” We both got a good laugh.
With Emily being alone, I hoped Sarah and Charlie would take care of her. Peter would drive my girl home so that was one thing off my mind, but I wasn’t sure what frame of mind or better yet, what her heart would look like when I picked her up tomorrow morning. After seeing Max tonight, hopefully she’d put everything behind her and start new with me without any baggage.