Chapter 9 – Lust
The mood at the lake was boisterous. Heather and Ada were squealing with delight as they jumped off the jetty and into the warm water where Jeremy was already awaiting them with a roguish grin on his face. When the girls landed next to him in the water, he began to tease them by tickling them and pulling at their hair. As soon as Henry and Sarah arrived, however, he stopped abruptly, climbed out of the water and put on his shirt in order not to embarrass Sarah with the sight of his naked torso. He took his time in getting dressed, and Henry could not rid himself of the feeling that the stable boy wanted to boast a little bit about his admittedly muscular and sun-tanned body.
When Heather and Ada saw Henry and Sarah approaching, they stopped fooling around and instead stiffened slightly. Henry gathered that the maids were afraid that Sarah, being the ʻdaughterʼ of the Partridges, could possibly tell her ʻparentsʼ that the staff had behaved in a rather undisciplined manner. Henry also gathered that Lady Partridge would have had a fit if she had known that the servants were enjoying themselves at the lake although she had assigned them to clean the windows. But Thelma had said that they would continue with it in the evening hours instead of wasting the sunny afternoon with work.
But apart from that, Henry did not rule it out that the girls wanted to appear more grown-up and not so foolish because he was around. For quite a while, he had already sensed that Ada and Heather somehow fancied him. The shy smiles that they cast him whenever he entered the kitchen gave them away, as did the girlish giggling that he heard when he left again; and it clearly wasnʼt a mocking laughter but the kind of laughter which was typical for young girls who developed their first crushes on men and felt unsure about themselves. They werenʼt that uncertain when Jeremy was around, though. Henry guessed that the maids perceived the stable boy rather as a mate and a fellow sufferer in terms of their status as servants, and not as an object of their desires.
As much as the others tried to pull themselves together in Sarahʼs presence, it appeared that Sarah herself wasnʼt interested in anyone at all. A slightly arrogant expression on her face, she quietly sat down on a tree trunk, picked a daisy and kept playing with it until she had all petals pulled out. Only Henry knew that deep inside she was simply insecure because she was aware that she had nothing in common with the others and didnʼt know what to say them.
“Help yourself, there is enough for everyone,” Thelma said and began to unpack the basket which she had brought. She spread out a tablecloth on the ground and neatly decorated it with fruit, sandwiches and drinks, and soon they were all happily munching on their food.
A serene silence filled the air. Just the humming of bumblebees could be heard and the excited twittering of warblers as they were taking care of their little ones, hidden in their nests in the reed which lined the lakeside.
Henry found that it was better not to sit directly next to Sarah in order to feign his disinterest in her. The moment he sat down on the grass a little bit further away from her, Jeremy stepped out of the shadow of a willow tree where he had been lurking expectantly, then the boy ambled over to Sarah, picked a little flower on the way, and shot Henry a sardonic smile. When he stood in front of Sarah, she looked up at him, shielding her eyes against the sunlight.
“Thatʼs for you, young Lady,” Jeremy said and handed her the flower, a mysterious tone to his voice.
Warily, Henry was watching him from the corner of his eye. He found Jeremyʼs approach rather impudent; pathetic even. He wondered what was going on in the boyʼs mind and what he attempted to achieve. Did Jeremy really believe now that there was no love between Henry and Sarah, with the result that he saw his own chance of winning the girl over looming on the horizon? Or was it the other way round; namely, that he still did not believe that Henry and Sarah were merely tutor and student, and that he wanted to provoke Henry in order to find out the truth?
To Henryʼs utter delight, Sarah didnʼt appear very impressed. On the contrary, she seemed to feel rather uncomfortable. She nodded politely and forced a smile, but then she turned her face away from Jeremy and pretended to watch some ducks which were eagerly snapping at the crumbs of toast which Ada and Heather were throwing over to them. Henry hoped that Jeremy would be wise enough to take Sarahʼs indifference as a sign that she wished he would leave her in peace. After all, it wasnʼt appropriate at all that a boy of his standing talked so openly to a girl of Sarahʼs status. Normally servants only ever spoke to their superiors when the latter asked them something.
But it was obvious that Jeremy didnʼt care about status and ranks. Suddenly, he sat down next to Sarah in the grass and began to shamelessly eye her up and down. Sarah shot Henry a secretive and helpless glance, and although Henry would have gladly jumped up and slap the boyʼs face, he doubted that it would be for his own and Sarahʼs good if he interfered. He was now positive that Jeremyʼs whole undertaking was at least partially a test in order to find out how Henry would react; to find out if he really was in love with Sarah.
Henry knew he had to be most careful now not to reveal his emotions. Trying to look as bored and indifferent as possible, he pulled out a blade of grass and began to chew on it. Deep inside, however, he was boiling with anger and cursed the fact that his and Sarahʼs affair was a secret. He knew that if it had been official and accepted, he would have walked straight over to Jeremy and started off a fight. But instead he just sat there and, from the corner of his eye, morosely watched Sarah who became ever more uncomfortable in Jeremyʼs presence.
After a while, Jeremy finally gave up on Sarah. He didnʼt appear all too frustrated at the fact that the girl had rejected him. When he got up and walked back to his place in the shadow of the willow tree, he glanced at Henry triumphantly as if he had indeed succeeded in wooing Sarah. Henry tried to ignore him just as he tried to ignore the pain in his chest—the pain of jealousy; although there was no real reason for it. Still, it annoyed him that he felt it, because he knew that was exactly what Jeremy had intended.
Henry and Sarah spent about an hour with the others at the lake. After having finished their sandwiches, Heather and Ada lay down on the grass and enjoyed the sun while Jeremy was seeking refreshment by letting his feet dangle over the edge of the jetty. Every now and then, however, he risked a glance at Sarah, a secretive and hungry smile on his lips.
At some stage Sarah got up from her provisory seat on the tree trunk, and Henry could gather from her looks that she was desperate to leave.
“Mr. Abbott, I would appreciate it if you accompanied me back to the mansion now,” she said firmly. “It is getting rather hot.”
“Certainly, Miss Partridge.” Henry immediately jumped to his feet and rushed over to her. He too was glad to get away as the gnats had begun to pester him. Apart from that, Jeremyʼs presence annoyed him.
When they finally left, the stable boy boldly winked at Sarah, but she just nodded imperceptibly and then quickly turned her face away.
“Why did you not come to my aid?” she asked Henry with mild reproach in her voice when they were walking along the pathway leading back to the house.
“To demonstrate in front of everyone that I am hopelessly besotted with you?” Henry answered.
A wide smile spread on Sarahʼs lips. Henry found that she looked so endearing and utterly sweet in her dress that it was no wonder that Jeremy fancied her. To him she had to appear like an angel with a halo, like some creature from another sphere which was way out of his reach.
Henry felt inclined to take her by the hand or kiss her, but he didnʼt dare to touch her now. It wasnʼt safe as long as they werenʼt far away enough from the lake. It simply had to wait until they were back home.
Having arrived there, Henry slammed the door behind them, quickly pulled Sarah close to him and kissed her fervently. It gave him a tremendous thrill to know that really nobody else was there right now and that they were truly alone. He knew, of course, that they still had to be careful as any moment one of the girls could return from the lake. But given the splendid weather outside and the fact that Thelma and her maids had been occupied with the windows all morning and surely longed for a break, it didnʼt look as if this blissful state of having Sarah all to himself would change shortly.
“Henry...” Sarah gasped in between his kisses, gently pushing him away from her. “Donʼt you think that this would be a good occasion to show you the rest of the house?”
Henry raised his head and looked at her, puzzled and unable to figure out what on earth made her believe that he could be interested in a sightseeing tour through the house. After all, the only thing he desperately wanted right now was to be close to her.
“Well, you hardly get anything else to see than the kitchen, the library, the classroom, and the dining room as long as Priscilla and Horatio are around,” Sarah went on.
“I actually think that this is more than enough…”
Henry tried to kiss her again, but she backed away.
“Well, there is so much more to discover,” she rattled on. “This would be the perfect chance for you because on other days you are barely allowed to go anywhere.”
Sarahʼs demeanor highly confused and frustrated Henry. Wondering if he had come on too strong again, he let go of her, not wanting to deny her her wish which seemed to be really important to her.
“Well then, show me the house...” he said, trying to sound enthusiastic.
Happily, Sarah took his hand, and so he followed her as she led him up the stairs and past the floor where his own room and the classroom lay, and up to the floor where her room and the private rooms of the Partridges lay.
“Here are the bedrooms for our guests,” Sarah said, waving her hand in the direction of the other doors lining the corridor.
“Great,” Henry said, feigning interest. In reality, this piece of information only made him feel miserable when he realized that in one of those guestrooms Damian tended to sleep on his visits—on the same floor as Sarah.
Henry expected Sarah to show him the interior of the guestrooms, but she didnʼt. Instead, she led him up the next and final flight of stairs. These stairs werenʼt of marble like the others but of simple wood and ended in front of a small unscheinbare door.
Sarah hesitated for a moment. She cast Henry an uncertain glance, then she carefully turned the key and the door opened with a creaking sound.
To Henryʼs utter surprise, he found himself in the attic. It wasnʼt the kind of attic that he had expected, though. There were no cobwebs in the corners, no mice playing hide and seek. This here was a vast, bright, and very tidy room with several small windows in the roof that let plenty of sunshine in. Henry found that it was a pleasant place and not as cold and uninviting as the rest of the house.
Henry spotted some furniture—drawer chests, chairs, and a small table. There were other things as well such as an old bicycle in the corner, gardening utensils, a little collection of dolls, and a gramophone. He gathered that this place was used as storage for all the things that the Partridges didnʼt know where else to put.
The most striking object, though, was a chaise lounge which stood right in the middle of the room.
“Hardly anyone ever comes up here,” he heard Sarah say. He turned his head and saw her standing next to the door, her fingers nervously playing with a strand of her hair.
“Only Emily comes here occasionally to dust the room,” she added. “On weekdays, that is. Not today, of course, as she is in Norwich...”
Henry looked at Sarah intently, trying to read her thoughts, trying to find out why she had been so eager to show him the attic.
Then his gaze returned to the chaise lounge.
His heart began to race as the realization hit him that it had never really been about showing him the house. Instead, it had all been about venturing one step further towards another level of intimacy.
Calm down… Henry thought to himself when he felt how he almost burst with the temptation to immediately walk over to Sarah and smother her with kisses and love. But he was well aware that this would have been the wrong way altogether. He had to take it slowly because the slightly terrified look in her eyes clearly conveyed that she was scared.
“It is quite warm in here, donʼt you think?” Henry said.
Sarah nodded quietly. Then she rushed over to one of the windows and desperately tried to open it, but even though she was standing on tiptoes she wasnʼt tall enough to reach up. Henry walked over to her and opened the window for her. Then he let his hand sink down on her shoulder.
Sarah didnʼt dare to look at him and shyly avoided his gaze. She appeared nervous and tense, but Henry could sense that she still wanted to be close to him. He kissed her on the forehead and stroked her hair. Then he carefully took her slightly trembling hand and slowly led her over to the chaise lounge.
The sun fell through the little windows and warmed their bodies when they sat down next to each other on the lounger.
“It is nice up here,” Henry remarked casually and by doing so broke the embarrassed silence which had arisen between them.
“I am glad that you like it,” Sarah whispered.
Silence again.
“You must be suffocating in this tight dress,” Henry said eventually.
“I am actually,” Sarah answered.
Henry cleared his throat.
“Would you... would you like me to open some of the buttons?” he asked, surprised at how nervous he had become himself.
His heart was pounding fast in his chest when Sarah turned her back on him and pulled her hair aside, displaying the button tape of her dress. Carefully, Henry began to fiddle with the first button at the collar of her bodice, then with the second, and the third. He secretly expected Sarah to tell him that she had changed her mind and wanted him to stop, but no word came out of her mouth, not even when he opened all the remaining buttons, not even when he began to loosen the cord of her corset and by doing so exposed her naked skin.
What a pretty sight... he thought, when he traced the line of her spine with his fingertips. Then he lowered his head and planted a gentle kiss between her shoulder blades.
Sarah let out a faint whimper, which Henry took as an invitation to go on. And so, very slowly, he let his hands glide underneath her bodice and over her velvety skin until he reached her breasts, until his fingertips found her nipples which immediately grew hard under his touch. He tenderly kneaded her breasts, squeezed them gently, and let his thumbs glide over her nipples again and again, until he felt his own arousal grow. He had to force himself not to succumb to his desire, tear the dress off Sarahʼs body and take her without asking her for permission. Suddenly, he wished that the air was a little bit cooler in the room, but the slight breeze which came in through the windows wasnʼt strong enough to diminish the heat in the attic, let alone the heat in his body.
“Sarah, I need to take off my shirt,” he gasped. “I am melting...”
He slowly pulled his hands out from underneath the girlʼs bodice and began to open the top buttons of his shirt when Sarah suddenly stopped him.
“Let me do it,” she whispered. A slightly anxious yet fascinated expression on her face, she began to open the buttons, slowly, one after the other, as if despite her insecurity and fears she found pleasure in the excitement that accompanied this solemn unfamiliar act. Then she placed her hands on his bare chest and let her warm palms slowly glide over his skin, discovering every inch of his torso. Henry was hypnotizing her with smoldering eyes as she pulled at his shirt and slipped it off his body, as she let her index finger carefully run along his muscles and traced the lines of his sinews and veins.
When she had finished her examination, he wrapped his arms around her again and whispered, “Would you like to lie down for a little while?”
He heard her mumble a shy ʻyes.ʼ
A happy smile on his lips, he carefully pulled her with him as he lay back on the lounger.
It was an exhilarating moment for Henry. He felt reminded of the day when they had kissed for the first time, down at the lake, when they had lain next to each other, when they had confessed their love to each other. Back then, it had already been utterly tempting for Henry to feel her so close to him, but now it was even more tempting because they had overcome a major part of their shyness and insecurity; it was also more tempting because Henry knew that Sarahʼs dress was unbuttoned.
Pull yourself together... he called himself to reason.
He buried his hand in her soft hair and began to play with her curls, his eyes fusing with hers.
“Sarah,” he asked her softly, “Do you actually know what it is like when a man and a woman are... well… when they are together?”
“Of course, I do,” Sarah answered, sounding surprisingly casual.
Henry cast her a puzzled look.
“You do?”
“Well, they get married and have children,” Sarah explained matter-of-factly, “and the woman looks after her husbandʼs needs, respects him and his work, tries to dress nicely when she appears at his side in public, looks after the children, blah blah blah…”
Henry smiled amusedly at her.
“Well done, Miss Partridge, but do you also know what happens when they... well, what happens before they have children,” he asked. “I mean, these children... they must come from somewhere, after all.”
“Oh, you mean the love-making,” Sarah answered, shrugging. “Yes, I know all about that, too.”
“Would you care to tell me what you know?” Henry asked, slightly confused by Sarahʼs offhand reaction to his intimate questions.
Sarah sniggered. Then she leaned forward and whispered something in his ear: something about pollen, bees, and—strangely enough—bellybuttons.
Henry tried in vain to suppress a grin. He was aware of the fact that sexuality was by no means subject of any lesson in school and that girls rather found out about the facts by actually making love to a man or by asking other girls who might have had early experiences. But as no decent lady had such early experiences before getting married, the facts often fell victim to a more than wild imagination.
So one thing he now knew for sure: Sarah didnʼt have the faintest idea about reproduction, because she truly believed that a man would somehow access a womanʼs bellybutton with his finger, and that this would make the woman pregnant. She did not know at all what love-making was really about.
“Was my definition correct?” Sarah asked uncertainly.
“It comes pretty close, yes,” Henry lied, trying to pull a serious face. “May I ask where you know all this from?”
“The cousins of Baron Copperwoodʼs son Wilbour, Elizabeth and Alicia, told me all about it. And they know it from Wilbour himself,” Sarah explained. “They said that it was only of significance for the man, though.”
“Did they?” Henry asked, frowning.
“Well, they said that it was rather a technical thing for a woman, but that the man gets some sort of pleasure out of it. I do not know what they mean, but at the end of the day I do not really care either. After all, as a woman it is my task to just wait it out.”
She shrugged again.
“Wait it out...?” Henry stared at her incredulously. Wasnʼt that just what he had expected of Copperwood, that old, greasy man, that master of sexual remarks; namely, that he considered women as mere objects that were used for pleasure and then put away like a toy. As for the bellybutton theory, Henry didnʼt have any idea where that story had originally came from, but he assumed that Wilbour simply had pulled the girlsʼ legs.
“Let us not talk about these silly things now...” Sarah said and cuddled up to Henry. He put his arms around her, pulling her closer to his body. They were lying like this for a while, enjoying each otherʼs nearness while Henry desperately tried to come up with an idea how to tell her what really happened when two people were making love to each other.
“So would you like me then to... stroke your bellybutton... just a little bit?” he asked eventually.
Sarah raised her head and looked at him, a slightly scandalized expression on her face.
“You will not make me a baby, will you?”
“I will not, I promise.”
Henry raised his hand as if he was about to swear an oath.
Sarah nodded and appeared content.
“Well,” she said, “I will gladly grant you this experience if it is of any value for you. After all, I love you and I would do anything for you.”
She sounded indifferent. Still, Henry could sense that his request had confused her. He gathered that he had to be even more careful than he had originally expected.
He placed his hand on her belly and let it rest there for a little while. Then he began to kiss her again. He gently nibbled at her lips and played with her tongue in a careful attempt to distract her from his hand, which was now moving away from her bellybutton and was slowly wandering down the length of her body, brushing her waist and her hips. When he had come as far as her thighs, the expression on her face changed from puzzled to suspicious to highly alarmed because of his touches and the new sensations that accompanied them.
“Donʼt worry, Sarah,” Henry whispered. “If you do not like what I do, I will stop.”
Very carefully, he let his hand slip between her thighs and began to tenderly carress her mound. She parted her lips as if she was about to say something, but all that came out of her mouth in her confusion was a faint gasp. After a while, her breathing dramatically accelerated, and Henry gathered that it gradually began to dawn on Sarah what was happening. She seemed in such a turmoil that she wasnʼt even blushing as it was her fashion. Instead, all colour had disappeared from her face and she was pale as a ghost.
“Are we... just... making love?” she stammered.
He smiled warmly at her.
“Almost,” he whispered.
“So, it... it is not about bellybuttons then...?”
Henry shook his head and laughed.
“I am afraid, I have to tell you that this boy Wilbour is rather dumb and not to be taken seriously at all…”
Sarah looked at Henry sternly.
“No one has ever touched me like that...” she breathed.
“There is always a first time, Sarah.”
Henry shivered with delight at the thought of being the very first man to make love to Sarah—even before Damian could lay hands on her; if he ever laid hands on her at all, as Henry was still hoping to find a way to prevent this unfortunate fate. The thought of her being untouched aroused him so much that he felt the desire for his own relief incessantly grow. Hesitantly, he moved closer to Sarah and pressed his hips against hers, but when he did so, Sarah immediately recoiled and sat up.
“What are you doing!?” she exclaimed.
“Nothing, Sarah, nothing. I will not do it again, I promise. Do not walk away, please…” Henry quickly said in an attempt to soothe her.
The beseeching tone to his voice made her give in and lay back in his arms again. Still, there was bewilderment written all over her face. Henry refrained from pulling her all too close again because he he was worried that his erection would scare her again. Instead, he smothered her with gentle kisses and let his hand slowly wander up and down the length of her body until she had calmed down. Then he carefully placed his hand between her thighs and began to stroke her again.
Eventually, she closed her eyes. Every so often, however, she opened them for a split second, as if she tried hard not to entirely succumb to these unfamiliar sensations, as if she wanted to make sure that she was still in control of it all.
Henry was rubbing her quickly and firmly now. He felt her moisture between his fingers and bravely fought his desire to let his passion out on her. Sarah moaned, and then, suddenly, she flung her arms around his shoulders, threw herself at him and buried her face on his chest. He could hear her gasp and breathe heavily, heard her little cries of pleasure, heard himself cry out loud as her excitement fueled his own. Eventually, Sarah let out a very long pleasurable sigh and then collapsed in his arms.
He held her tight and rocked her gently until her breathing had gone back to normal again. He felt how she slightly trembled in his arms. She didnʼt dare to look at him. He guessed that she felt ashamed, because she had exposed herself so much in front of him.
For quite a while, they were holding each other in a tight embrace, their eyes closed and peacefully dozing in the sun that fell through the attic windows, when suddenly Henry felt something ever so carefully exmanine his groin.
It was Sarahʼs hand.
He opened his eyes and looked at her, perplexed.
“Is that where you get the pleasure…?” she asked shyly, blushing a little.
Henry nodded.
“Yes, Sarah.”
He was rather taken off guard by her unexpected approach and felt his heartbeat accelerate again at her tender touch.
“Henry?” she asked.
“Hm?” he mumbled, slightly dazed.
“Is love-making… is it... is it the same as what Meggie and Baxter do?”
Henry looked at her puzzled.
“Who are Meggie and Baxter?”
“Sheep,” Sarah explained matter-of-factly. “They belong to Steven OʼBrian, the local shepherd. And sometimes they do… well... they do strange things, and then Steven OʼBrian laughs and Aunt Priscilla gets outraged and tells me to shield my eyes or go back inside the house and do my embroidery…”
An amused smile played across Henryʼs lips.
“Well, letʼs say that Meggie and Baxter might have a more… blunt and straightforward approach…” he began. “But generally spoken—and technically too—well, yes… I suppose it is what Meggie and Baxter do.”
Sarah looked at him, a strange mixture of shock and curiosity in her eyes.
“Oh…” she said and slowly withdrew her hand from his groin.
Then she lay back down next to him and hid her reddened face at his chest.
As for Henry, he closed his eyes again and smiled to himself.
It wouldnʼt be long from now.
* * *
It was stuffy and warm inside Henryʼs bedroom. The little breeze that came in through the window didnʼt help to refresh him. It had begun to rain, but it was just a slight drizzle, and the air which had heated up during the day was not cool, but damp and humid.
Henry listened to the sound of the raindrops and stared out into the darkness. For the past hour he had been pacing up and down his room, trying to read, trying to write a letter to his brother in New York, trying to get Sarah out his head; at least for a little while. But the past afternoon that he had spent with the girl had stirred his desire for her so enormously that he was unable to concentrate on anything else at all. Again and again, the image of Sarah lying next to him on the lounger emerged in his mind and wouldnʼt go away.
She had come at his hands. She had touched his sex.
He needed to have her close; more than ever before.
Permanently fighting his carnal desires was gradually beginning to wear him out. He found himself becoming edgy and bad-tempered. Eventually, he decided that he couldnʼt just sit here and wait all night until that inner tension would miraculously disappear. He felt in need to get outside, to move his legs, to distract his mind. He even considered going for a swim in the freezing water of the lake, just to stop his hormones from going wild.
He moved away from the window, put on his coat and hastened over to the door. When he opened it, however, he was in for a major surprise.
Standing outside, wearing nothing except for her nightgown and her cardigan, was Sarah. She was holding a candle in her hand whose light was bathing her in a warm glow, making her appear like a supernatural vision amidst the darkness of the corridor.
“You are leaving?” she asked. Concern lay in her voice.
Incredulously, Henry stared at her. It took him a while until he realized that she had actually asked him something.
“No, no, not at all,” he quickly answered. Suddenly becoming aware of the danger that someone might see Sarah standing in front of his door, he grabbed her arm and pulled her inside his room. Then he closed the door behind her and turned the key.
Sarah leaned at the wall, motionless, the little flame of her candle flickering excitedly.
“Where were you about to go?” she asked.
“I donʼt know,” Henry answered, still confused by her unexpected but highly appreciated appearance. “I could not sleep and wanted to go for a walk.”
“I can not sleep either,” Sarah answered.
For a moment they were just looking at each other, uncertainly.
Henry raised his hand and gently touched her face with his fingertips.
“I was hoping that you would come,” he whispered.
He quickly took the candle out of her hand and placed it on the nightstand. He almost dropped it on the way, jumpy as he suddenly had become. Then he hastened to the window, closed it and carefully drew the curtains. Only now that he could be certain that they were entirely safe from view, he carefully took Sarahʼs hands, slowly pulled her towards him, and, with a content smile, craned his neck to seal her lips with the most tender kiss he was capable of.
Although Sarah had come to see him, he sensed that she was hesitant and tense again. Her kisses entirely lacked the passion of their previous encounters. He knew that she was scared. She had already proved enough courage when she had brought him to the attic in the afternoon, but Henry was aware that being with him in his bedroom in the middle of the night was, of course, a very delicate situation for her. He knew that he needed to take it infinitely slow if he wanted to make her feel comfortable in his presence.
A reassuring smile on his lips, he led her over to the bed where they sat down. He raised his hand and let his fingers slowly run through her long, silken hair. He noticed that his hand was trembling with excitement.
“I will not be able to stay very long, though,” Sarah said firmly.
“Of course,” Henry answered, still mesmerized by her sight, still incredulous that she had truly come to see him.
He moved a little bit closer to her, put his arm around her and began to kiss her neck.
“I am rather nervous, Henry,” he suddenly heard her whisper.
He raised his head and looked into her troubled eyes.
“I know,” he said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Trust me, Sarah. I could never harm you.”
She nodded imperceptibly, but Henry sensed that she was still uncertain.
He took her in his arms again, and, while kissing her, slowly pulled her down on the bed. When they lay next to each other, she inched closer and nestled her head at his chest.
They lay there for quite a while, holding each other and listening to the sounds of the rain tapping at the window pane.
And suddenly, Henry felt his conscious interfering.
What if it really happened, tonight…?
Although she had not said it out loud, Henry was certain that the reason why she had come to see him was that she secretly expected him to show her what it really meant to make love to each other. He knew, after all, that despite her shyness she was rather curious at heart.
Yes, Henry was certain that this was the night he would sleep with her. He would sleep with a girl before actually being married to her. And to top it all, he wasnʼt even the man she was supposed to marry.
God, please forgive me, for I am about to commit a terrible sin...
“Sarah,” he began hesitantly, “I suppose that you know that… that what we are doing here is something that two people actually only do when they are married.”
“Do you seriously intend to hold a lecture on moral issues now?” he heard her whisper.
“Not really, no...” he answered.
“Then donʼt do it. We have already broken all ethical rules with our love for each other alone, havenʼt we?”
Henry didnʼt reply. He didnʼt know what to say.
Had they really broken any rules? And were they really about to commit a sin? How could love between two people ever be a sin when the love was requited by both? They were in love and they followed their natural desire to get close to each other. What was wrong about it?
The way Sarah held on to him now told him that she longed for him to give her warmth and love, something which she had hardly received for quite a while.
No, it can not possibly be a sin... Henry thought, realizing that there was no real need to brood over right and wrong, as they had already reached the point of no return.
His heart was hammering relentlessly in his chest as he pulled Sarah close to his body. She flinched, but she didnʼt back away anymore, even when she felt that his body was already in a state that conveyed that he could hardly contain himself any longer.
“I will not hurt you, Sarah,” he said softly. “It is nothing to be just endured.”
“I trust you,” he heard her whisper. The uncertain tone to her voice conveyed all her inexperience and innocence and reminded him that no one had ever touched her before and that he would be the first man in her life.
He buried his face in her hair, inhaled her scent, and let his fingers gently run up and down her spine.
“I love you, Sarah,” he breathed.
“I love you too, Henry.”
He let his hand slide down along her back, her waist and her hips, then he began to pull up her nightgown. He took it off and tucked at the hem of her knickers. He slowly pulled them down and undressed Sarah completely, exposing her bare legs and thighs, until she lay naked in front of him. She shyly covered her breasts and her shame with her hands, but Henry clasped her wrists and gently tore her arms away from her body.
“Donʼt hide your beauty, Sarah,” he whispered and buried his face between her breasts, kissing her soft skin while his fingers were fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. He kept caressing her breasts until she began to sigh, until she grew restless, until he got the feeling that she wanted more.
And he gave her more. He caressed her body all over, with his fingers and with his mouth, until she whimpered, until she begged for something of which she didnʼt quite know what it was.
Eventually, Henry laid on top of her and carefully spread her legs, and when he did so, he sensed that Sarah grew tense again. Still, she seemed willing to go all the way with him. Her craving body didnʼt leave her any other choice.
The next moment, he ever so carefully slipped inside of her. He forced himself not to come on too strong, knowing that he needed to give her the time to get used to the new sensations, knowing that he needed to take it slow if he wanted to deflower her without causing her pain.
He kissed her again, tenderly and playfully, and all the while his fingers were caressing the little sensitive spot between her legs until her breathing got heavy again, until she began to utter sounds of pleasure that filled his ears like the sweetest music, urging him to go on. Then, with the utmost caution, he broke through her barrier.
Sarah let out a little cry.
“Shh, itʼs over... relax...” he said softly, stroking her cheek, until she gradually calmed down.
Henry himself, however, was far from being calm. His heart performed somersaults in his chest and his mind began to drift off into other realms. Being inside of Sarah was exhilarating. It was a sensation which was so much more intense than he had imagined in his wildest dreams; and he had had a lot of these dreams lately. He was surprised to find that reality was still able to surpass all of his fantasies.
He slightly raised his head and looked at Sarah. She had closed her eyes, and a tiny blissful smile played around her lips. After a while that he had moved steadily inside of her, little cries of pleasure escaped her mouth, and Henry guessed that it wouldnʼt be long now until she came—and he too. He closed his eyes and waited for that blissful moment to arrive when suddenly Sarah began to become entirely out of control. She was pushing her abdomen hard against his and pressed her fingers into his flesh as she clang to him. Her screams were becoming louder and more demanding. She was inevitably on her way to climax.
He was pushing much faster and harder into her now and could feel this all too familiar tingling sensation build up and creep through his body, making him shiver and shake with delight. Heavy spasms of pleasure were taking him over as he came along with Sarah, her fragile little body convulsing underneath him as if she was suffering from a fever.
Now, now…
With a moan, Henry quickly pulled out before he could explode in her. It was a horrible disruption, but he tried to be grateful for the pleasure he had been granted. He collapsed on top of Sarah with a sigh and felt how she trembled underneath him. She was panting heavily and her skin was covered all over with sweat. Henry loved the way it smelled as it mingled with her sweet vanilla scent.
Exhausted, he rolled off her and lay next to her, clutching her hand and holding it tight, listening to her excited breathing.
“Sarah...?” he asked, exhausted. But she didnʼt answer. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be half asleep.
Smiling to himself, Henry covered her with the blanket, wrapped his arms around her and held her tight until they both fell into a sweet slumber, which they would not wake from before dawn.