CHAPTER 34
JOSIE
I could easily fall into a routine with Liam. How soon is too soon though? Is there a rule book I need to follow?
Liam and I have never shared a home. We didn’t go off to college together and have the opportunity to sleep in each other’s dorms. Being here – it’s peaceful - sharing the same space that he’s in. Almost like the walls bask in his presence.
I haven’t left since Christmas. We didn’t discuss me staying. I just stayed. I guess that makes me a bit like Nick. For the first few nights he slept on the couch or in his studio until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I finally found the nerve to pull him upstairs with me and into bed. He held me all night, his hands never once wandering away from their placement on my hip.
We're apparently keeping things platonic even though I know he wants me and I want him.
I’m dreading the return to my house. School starts back up in a few days and while this has been a nice vacation, reality is pushing itself back into my life. I caught Liam and Harrison discussing a possible move to Beaumont. I know that would make me happy because that means Liam isn’t traveling back and forth all the time to work. And I think Harrison has a crush on Katelyn. There is no mistaking he has eyes for her and watching him with the twins during Christmas, as much as I hate to say it, I know Mason would approve.
Tonight, Liam has promised me a night filled with debauchery. He says we’ve missed far too many New Year’s Eves. When I asked him what the night will entail, he just smiled and walked away. I’d be lying if I said I it wasn’t driving me crazy not knowing his plans.
With Noah packed and in the car, the drive over to my parents' is nerve-wracking. They haven’t been too impressed with Liam’s return, not that I can blame them. Because of his involvement with Noah, my parents have been in the shadows. It’s not that I don’t want them around, but under the circumstances I thought it best to let Liam get to know Noah without my parents stringing him up on a burning stake.
I can’t blame my parents for their feelings. They were the ones who had to pick up the pieces and take care of their pregnant, teenage daughter. My mom was there, holding my hand, when I delivered Noah when it should’ve been Liam. My parents are bitter, I get that, but people can change.
This will be the first time seeing my parents since Thanksgiving. They just returned from a holiday cruise. I told them about Nick over an email. Not necessarily the way I wanted to tell my parents that my boyfriend of six years has left, but I also didn’t want them to find out through town gossip.
My dad is waiting for us on the porch when we pull into the driveway. Noah jumps out of the car before I have it turned off and runs into his arms. If Noah wasn’t nine I’d say he’s excited about seeing his grandparents, but I have a feeling it’s more about the second Christmas he’s about to have.
I carry an armload of presents into the house. I love the smell of my parents' home, the fresh baked bread, pies and cakes always coming out of my mother’s oven gives their house a welcoming and the all-over home feel.
“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,” I say as I enter. My parents are already sitting on the couch listening to Noah rattle on about everything he received for Christmas and his new friend, Quinn.
Each time he mentions Liam’s name, my dad glares at me. I knew things would be a bit on edge, but honestly it’s my life and I made the best decision for me and my son. I should be respected and not made to believe I’ve done something wrong.
After we’ve caught up, presents are handed out. Noah is buried under the mountain of gifts my parents bought him.
“Can I start?” he asks. My dad laughs and tells him to start ripping. I don’t like Christmas this way, it’s too fast and you miss what’s being opened. I keep my stack of presents, all sweaters, skirts and scarves, the same as every year, on the floor and watch Noah.
“Oh, cool! A remote control car. My dad is going to love this.”
My dad grunts and stalks out of the room. I get up and follow him into the kitchen. His hands grip the edge of the counter as he mutters to himself.
“Dad,” I say touching his shoulder. He stands and looks at me with sadness in his eyes. “I know you’re upset about Liam, but you can’t let Noah see or hear you like that. He doesn’t know anything other than Liam being his dad. He’s trying really hard to build a relationship with Noah and we need to support it. I know you don’t like it, but I need you to put on a game face for your grandson.”
“He’s going to hurt you, Josephine.”
I shake my head. “He’s not, dad.”
“You don’t—”
“I do, I can feel it. Things are different. He didn’t know about Noah. You should’ve seen his face when he found out. I knew right then that he would’ve been here, daddy. I know it in my heart.”
I pull my dad into my arms and hold him. He’s been my rock for so long. I know he’s afraid that Liam is going to run for the hills, but I have to trust my heart with this one.
The rest of the afternoon goes well even though each time Noah mentions Liam, my dad fights a grimace and plasters on some sort of smile. I can’t imagine how he feels. He was there when I needed him most, but I now need Liam.
Noah also needs Liam. He needs his dad and even though he had Nick, I can’t deny the instant bond Liam and Noah have. It was evident the first time I saw them together. Noah knew Liam was his dad and treated him as such without calling him out. I know I’m making the right decision.
I kiss Noah goodbye after we eat an early dinner. I promise to pick him up tomorrow afternoon for our annual college football party at Katelyn’s. My parents don’t ask me what my plans are for tonight, but as I’m leaving my dad whispers for me to be careful.
Driving back to my house seems surreal. When I open the door, it’s cold and uninviting. For the first time I look at the walls and think they are drab and in need of a serious paint job even though I just painted them in the spring. Everything feels as if it’s lacking life. I know that if I want to be with Liam, I need to show him. Words aren’t going to be enough, not for him at least. He needs to feel it in his heart that I’m committed to him. He wants us to be a family and I want that too. I don’t want to spend any more nights away from him.
I’ve been waiting since I was fifteen to have the opportunity to wake up in his arms day after day. So what if we had a ten-year road block? The opportunity is here now and I need to take it.
I take a quick shower, careful not to get my hair wet so I can curl the ends. Tonight I’ve opted for a royal blue one-shoulder metallic dress. Katelyn and I found it at an after Christmas sale that was too good to pass up. My hands shake as I apply my make-up. I mess up too many times to count and have to start over. The last time I was this nervous was my first date with Liam. Of course any girl is a bundle of nerves when they're going to their first major dance, but it was more for me then and it’s the same now.
I want everything to be perfect.
I wash my face and start over, climbing up onto the counter because I can barely stand without having my knees shake. I slip in my ear buds and turn on some soothing music. With deep calming breaths, I focus on making my eyes smoky.
It takes me longer than usual to fix my make-up and hair. I pin my hair to the side, away from the shoulder that is going to be exposed. My tear-drop diamond earrings are in and I’m ready for my dress. That is what I tell myself as I stand in front of my closet staring at it while it mocks me. What if he doesn’t like the dress? What if he thinks I’m trying too hard? Maybe I should just wear jeans and cowboy boots. He’s always liked that look.
But that was before he went to Hollywood and became famous and had women – gorgeous beautiful women throwing themselves at him. In dresses much shorter no less. I shake my head to try and get the image out of it and give myself a pep talk. I can’t think like this because if I do, I know I’ll be a nervous wreck by the time I arrive at Liam’s. Removing my outfit carefully from the hanger, I step into it, shimmying until I can push my arm into the sleeve.
I step into my peep toe heels and take deep breath before looking in the mirror. I stand there with my eyes closed and imagine Liam staring at me. In my mind, he’s smiling as his eyes wander over my body. He’s remembering what I feel like under his touch and how his lips make my body sing to him. He’ll pull me to him and carry me upstairs, our night forgotten because he knows I’m ready.
Ready for him and no one else.
My palms sweat. My body is flushed. I open my eyes and stare at the woman in the mirror. Staring back is a girl I once knew, one that shined and sparkled every time she was about to go see her boyfriend. This girl looks happy.
I try not to speed while driving back to Liam’s. I’m anxious and my heart is racing. My hands slip repeatedly from the steering wheel. My foot misses the gas one too many times. I’m a danger to the people on the road, but I can’t hurry. My mind is clouded with thoughts of me under Liam as he makes love to me. I need to make Liam want me as desperately as I want him.
Liam is at the door before I can set my hand on the knob. I swallow hard when I see him. He’s dressed from head to toe in black. His shirt sleeves are rolled, showing off the tattoos on his forearms. I lick my lips in anticipation of being able to trace each one with my mouth. He’s wearing a black leather bracelet on his right wrist and a watch on the other. Both of which I want to take off so he’s free of any obstacles when I finally get to touch him. His blue eyes darken as he looks at me. When he licks his lips, I go weak in the knees and have to balance myself by holding onto the door jam.
I don’t know if my date is with Page or Westbury, but I think tonight I’d like to go out with Liam Page.