CHAPTER 12
JOSIE
For the first time, I’m closing the shop for no reason. My lack of sleep is evident by the dark bags under my eyes. Nick felt my forehead, always in doctor mode, before leaving for work and suggested I take a day for myself. I opted to give Jenna another day off as well. No one needs flowers today anyway and if they do, they’ll understand why I’m closed and come back tomorrow.
Noah is crunching away on his cereal, his eyes glued to his recent Sports Illustrated. Yesterday I watched him and Liam with reservation, but still allowed them to get to know each other. Today I’ve decided that was enough. I can’t have my son getting hurt when Liam skips town again. He isn’t planning on staying, whether he’s told me this or not. I just know it. I feel it in my heart. He has a life away from Beaumont, one that doesn’t include Noah and likely never will.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down across from Noah. He doesn’t look up, completely enthralled in whatever article he’s reading. Guaranteed it’s about football. I tried to discourage him, suggest he play soccer but he wouldn’t hear of it. He’s been a natural and it scares me. I see so much of Liam in him and I don’t want to.
“Did you know Liam Westbury was on the cover of Sports Illustrated when he was in high school?”
I spit out my coffee, the hot liquid dribbling down my chin. How does he know this? Nick and I, as well as Mason and Katelyn, have never discussed Liam with Noah. I can’t even remember a time when Liam’s name has come up. We’ve always skirted around that name. I secretly chide the teachers at school always praising Liam for everything he’s done for Beaumont and football.
“Guess what?”
Liam wraps his arms around me from behind, nuzzling my neck. “What?” I ask as I set my books on the shelf in my locker. I catch a glimpse of our junior prom picture – Liam in his black tux and me in my red knee-length dress.
“Someone is going to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.”
I turn and wrap my arms around him. I know he’s wanted this since last year when he came close to breaking the state record for passing yards and he’s close again this year. “I’m so proud of you.”
“I couldn’t have done it without my girl,” he says before kissing me full on the lips, a big no-no in the hallway.
“We should go celebrate.”
“What are you thinking?” he asks suggestively.
I shrug, pushing my fingers into his recently shaved head. His eyes close as I massage his scalp. He loves it when I do this.
“Are your parent’s home?” he asks and when I shake my head no. He pulls one of my hands into his and walks us out of the school.
“How do you know?” I ask barely able to get the words out without choking.
“I saw the cover at the museum on our field trip.”
“Is that where you met Liam the other day?” My curiosity piques. When Liam showed up at the shop I had no idea how he found out about Noah.
Noah nods. “I was upset over a thing they had for Mason and he was in the bathroom. We talked and I said he was the guy kissing you in the video. Was he your boyfriend?”
Do I answer or deflect? Or do I just come out and say he’s your dad and totally ditched us when I was pregnant even though I never told him. Yeah that won’t work.
“I don’t want you talking to Liam Westbury anymore.”
“Why not?” Noah deadpans.
“Because… because I said so that’s why.” I get up and move back into the kitchen and dump out my coffee. It no longer tastes very good and isn’t doing its job. I just want to crawl into bed and forget this conversation ever started.
Noah slams his magazine down on the table, spilling the rest of his cereal. He sits there, stewing, not moving an inch to clean up his mess.
“Are you going to clean that?” I ask before throwing him a dishtowel. Anger flashes in his eyes. I know I’ve upset him, but he’s just too young to understand the magnitude of this situation. Liam is going to hurt him.
“No,” he says without making eye contact.
“Excuse me?”
He pushes his chair out and picks up his magazine. He turns and looks at me, a look I’ve never seen from my precious boy. His face is red, his breathing is labored.
“I like Liam,” he yells.
I’m taken aback by his outburst. If this is how he’s going to be after two encounters there is no way I can let Liam into his life.
“Liam doesn’t live here, Noah, and once he’s gone you won’t see him again. Let it go.”
“Why do you hate him?”
I don’t, that’s the problem and I wish I did, but he’s a disruption and he’s already ruining things in my house and I don’t want that. I can’t have that.
“I don’t hate him,” I mumble. I press my fingertips to my temple to hopefully ward off the impending headache.
“You used to kiss him, a lot. I’ve seen the DVD’s. How can you kiss someone so much and not like him?” Noah stands in front of me, his arms clutching his magazine. His eyes are trained on me and all I see is Liam.
“That was a long time ago, Noah. People change. I’ve changed and so has Liam. We aren’t friends anymore and I don’t want you talking to him. I’m the adult here and I make the rules. Liam Westbury is off limits.”
“You’re not being fair. I like him and he’s good at football just like me. He can help me get better and he said he would come to my game today!” My heart breaks at the sight of his tears, but I’d take this one day of tears over the months of tears he’ll cry when Liam leaves him. I reach out for Noah, but he moves away and runs off to his room. I’m going to have to find a way to get a hold of Liam and tell him he can’t come to the game. That he needs to just ignore Noah for all of our sakes. It will be easier that way.
At least that is what I tell myself.
When the doorbell rings I rush to let in Katelyn. She takes one look at me and shakes her head, pulling me into her arms.
“What am I going to do?” I ask Katelyn. I lead her into the kitchen, sitting down. She’s across from me, holding my hand when I should be holding hers. I should be her rock right now. She’s just lost her husband and here I am complaining to her.
“I’m not sure I can answer that for you,” she says, her eyes full of pity. I really need to stop thinking about myself and start thinking about her.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping this on you. You have enough to deal with.” I remove my hand and start cleaning up our mess. I invited her over for breakfast, not problem solving.
“I’m your friend, Josie. You can dump anything on me.”
I shake my head and leave her sitting at the table. She comes and stands next to me while the sink fills with hot sudsy water.
“I remember everything so clearly. It’s like all my memories are this vivid coloring book turned into a nightmare. I dreamt about him last night and I haven’t done that since Noah was about two. I stopped reading the magazines and looking for the music videos because I needed a clean break and now he’s here for the next few days and there’s nothing I can do to keep him from coming to Noah’s game tonight.”
“Have you thought about sitting down with him and talking to him about Noah?” she asks as I start washing the dishes. I soak my hands in the water and relish the feel of the burn from the hot water.
“I don’t think I can.” I sigh and lean my head against hers. “Nick wants Liam to sign some adoption papers or something like that, but I don’t know. Nick and I haven’t discussed this and I fear it’s a knee-jerk reaction to Liam showing up in town.”
Katelyn takes my hands in hers and pulls them out of the water. We're dripping water and soap bubbles travel down the front of our clothes and onto the floor. She holds them tight, her eyes brimming with tears.
“I lost my husband last week and wasn’t able to say good-bye. You are being given a second chance and whether you make that chance just about Noah or to find some closure for yourself you owe it to the three of you to find a happy medium. If Noah was to ever find out that Liam is his dad and you didn’t tell him while he has this one chance to know him, he’ll never forgive you, Josie, and you’ll never forgive yourself.”
“Liam is going to hurt him,” I say through tears.
“Liam might surprise you if you give him a chance.”
We end up spending the rest of the afternoon at her house avoiding the topic of Liam. Katelyn decided she wanted to tackle the man room in the basement and we’re marking things that she thinks Mason’s friends will like. When I come to Liam’s name on the list I have to fight the tears – it’s like she’s forgiven him for everything without a second thought – because Liam is getting Mason’s Most Valuable Player trophy that he earned in college.