I dealt with the situation by not dealing with it. I went through the motions, got up in the morning, attended school, worked through more revisions for my jerk of an advisor, taught classes and marked papers, went to work.
Hiding things from Cassie was a challenge. She was perceptive and nurturing. She made me want to tell her everything, but I couldn’t. She was too close to Hayden to be safe.
Above all else, I evaded Hayden. I was embarrassed by the way I’d thrown myself at him. Regardless of the rejection, I was also terrified I would do it again. He stopped by more than once the following evening, and each time I would disappear. At one point Cassie sent him down to the basement, where I was sorting new acquisitions. I hid inside an old wardrobe. I came upstairs a while later to find Cassie organizing trinkets on a shelf.
“Any particular reason you’re avoiding Hayden?” she asked.
Normally she wasn’t so up-front. She picked up one of the fragile figurines and dusted it off.
“I’m not avoiding him.”
“Really? He’s been in here three times today, he’s testy and he keeps asking for you, but you always seem to vanish the second he comes in the door. Twenty minutes ago I sent him downstairs to find you, and he told me you weren’t there.”
“It’s complicated.”
Cassie laughed and set the figurine back on the shelf. “Oh honey, everything about Hayden is complicated.”
I sighed. “I’m fully aware.”
“Is it about the tattoo?” she asked, her concern genuine.
“Yes and no. That’s part of it.”
When I didn’t offer any more information, Cassie sighed. “I’m not sure which one of you is worse. I don’t think I’ve met two more secretive people in my life. Look, whatever is going on between you is your business, but I’ll be honest—I’ve never seen Hayden so wrapped up in anything besides his art.”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
Cassie gave me a sad smile. “I’m not going to pretend I know your story, Tenley, but I do know Hayden carries around his past with him and it’s a burden he can’t unload. Be patient with him. Whatever the problem is, it’s clear he wants to set it right.”
“I just need some time to figure things out,” I said.
“Fair enough. Did you need me to relay that message?”
“If you think it would help.”
*
On Tuesday, Nate picked Cassie up early, so I was on my own for the last few hours of the night. Hayden didn’t stop in, giving me the reprieve I asked for, even though I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted. The hours until closing seemed endless. I watched the door, waiting for Hayden’s patience to give out. It didn’t. I could see Jamie and Chris through the window, working on clients. Hayden and Lisa were nowhere to be found.
After locking up, I went straight home and changed into comfy clothes so I wouldn’t give in to the urge to go over to Inked Armor. The kitten gave a groggy little mew when I tossed my shirt and bra on the bed and pulled on my favorite hoodie.
“Hi, baby girl.” I gave her a little scratch under the chin and she started to purr. “Did you have a good day? Are you hungry?” I made a quick trip to the kitchen for her milk. As an afterthought, I grabbed a few articles, some highlighters and a pen so I could work on my thesis while I hung out with her in my bedroom. It seemed to be her favorite place to sleep. When she had enough milk, she snuggled into me, her wet nose tickling my neck. I settled back against the pillows, stroking her soft fur as I read and scribbled notes in the margins.
I was on the last page when a knock at the door startled me. I tossed the article onto the nightstand, capped the pen and settled the kitten back on the bed where I’d found her, glad Sarah was home early. She always had an answer when it came to men, usually accompanied by a dose of cynicism. I turned the dead bolt but forgot about the chain latch above. In the narrow gap stood not Sarah but Hayden, holding a six-pack of beer and a bag.
I didn’t want to be happy to see him. “How did you get up here?”
He dangled a key and quickly jammed it in his pocket. “Helps when you know the landlady.” He ran a finger along the chain barring his entrance. “Can I come in?”
I unlocked the chain latch but stood in the doorway, keeping him in the hall. “What’s up?”
“You’re not going to let me in?”
“Why should I? So you can get me all hot and bothered, only to leave all over again?” I couldn’t believe I said that.
“I got you hot?” Hayden asked, looking rather pleased.
I tried to shut the door, but his arm shot through the gap.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I just want to talk.”
“Last time you just wanted cupcakes.”