The line went dead.
I stared at the phone and tried to keep the panic from drowning me. I didn’t think Trey could take the house from me, but as a lawyer, he was good at finding loopholes, so I could never be sure whether his threats were empty or not. Every time I spoke to Trey I felt like I was back in Arden Hills, reliving the weeks and months of purgatory after the crash. I had been so alone, everything and everyone I cared about gone. Only Trey remained, a constant force of negative, destructive energy orbiting around me, pushing me further and further into a hole of anguish.
There had been no one to console me after the crash. Trey blamed me for their deaths just as I did, and for months I’d let the regret eat away at what little had been left of the person I’d been. If I hadn’t found the acceptance letters from Northwestern hidden in the trash, I would probably still have been there, or dead from an overdose.
I put my head in my hands, grief welling up, threatening to spill out and wash me away. I choked back a strangled sob, aware I wasn’t alone. Hayden was still here. Trey would never understand why I was with him. Hayden was the antithesis of Connor.
Under all the armor he wore, Hayden was in pieces like me. It made him safe. He understood what I’d been through. More than that, he could relate to me in ways Connor never could. I didn’t want to look too closely at the intensity of my feelings for Hayden; it incited more guilt. That I had already moved on seemed impossible . . . inexcusable. Disclosing Connor’s death to him wasn’t an option. Not now. It was too dangerous. I couldn’t lose Hayden; he had become integral to my survival.
“Tenley?” Hayden knocked on the bathroom door.
I swiped at the tears streaming down my face and took a deep breath. “Give me a minute,” I called out tremulously.
Pushing up off the floor, I crossed to the vanity and turned on the faucet to mask the squeak of the new medicine cabinet door.
The rows of bottles offered potential temporary respite. My hands quavered as I popped the cap off the anxiety meds and shook out a tiny green pill. I didn’t want to need it, but I would never make it through the rest of the morning without artificial serenity. The call from Trey had left me shaken. It felt like I was being torn apart, pulled back into the past as I struggled to stay in the present. The sweet-bitter taste of the pill under my tongue was almost a relief. In fifteen minutes I would be calmer. Everything would be easier to manage.
The doorknob turned just as I capped the bottle and returned it to its spot on the shelf. I jumped and shut the cabinet harder than intended, and the bottles rattled on the shelves. Hayden poked his head in, and his eyes swept over my body. I was still naked. Concern pulled the corner of his mouth down when he reached my blotchy, tear-streaked face.
“Kitten? Who was on the phone?” He took a cautious step toward me.
“It was my l-lawyer.” I stammered over the lie, unable to look at him.
“On a Saturday? This early? What happened?”
“There are some issues with the estate in Arden Hills.”
He cupped my face in his hands. His sympathy was more difficult to bear, considering the partial truths I fed him. I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall, allowing him to sweep them away.
Hayden wore only a pair of black boxer briefs, the road map to his life laid out for me. Under the scenes etched into his skin and the sculpted, beautiful body was a man I hardly knew but couldn’t stand the thought of being without. I ran my hand along his forearm, my palm resting on the anatomical heart.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
I stepped into him.
Hayden enclosed me in his protective embrace. “I’m sorry I can’t make the hurt go away.”
“You do, every time you touch me.” I rested my cheek on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
I wondered how much longer I had before it all fell apart. I couldn’t hide the truth about Connor from him forever.
26
TENLEY