‘However, owing to a previous transaction, ownership of this more-than-adequate supply has been transferred. From this moment on, every single scrap, scrape, and dribble of this liquid gold belongs to – me.’
I made a move to leave, apparently deaf to the gabble behind me.
Markham planted himself in front of me. ‘How much?’
I did a rough calculation. There were twenty blue people in this unit.
‘￡50 for four ounces.’
‘What? But that’s …’
‘Daylight robbery,’ I said, helpfully.
‘We can get butter from the village shop, you know.’
‘Be my guest. Don’t forget to sign out. Oh, no, that’s right. Blue people not allowed out of St Mary’s. How could I have forgotten? Ah well …’
‘But …’
‘Yes, Mr Markham?’
He lowered his voice. ‘Some of us …’
‘Yes?’
‘It’s not just hands and face.’
‘Sorry, I don’t understand.’
‘You know. Some of us … all over.’
‘No. Still not with you. Some of us – what – all over?’
‘You know …’
‘You don’t mean …?’
He nodded miserably. ‘It was a dare.’
‘Oh my God,’ I said, delighted. ‘You’re going to have a hell of a rash. Hope you’re not allergic to dairy.’
‘You’re an evil woman.’
‘And shortly to be a rich, evil woman. Pay up or develop something horrible. And you’ll still have to pay Dr Bairstow. At least I’m trying to help. How can you be so ungrateful?’
He reached for his wallet.
‘I’m paying now, but one day I’ll have my revenge.’
I looked at the cash. ‘A hundred pounds?’
‘Yeah, well, you know … Don’t want to boast, but it’s going to take a lot more than four ounces … Where are you going?’
‘Dining with Professor Penrose. Although I may have lost my appetite.’
I was sad when Professor Penrose finally left us. We sat together for a while, waiting for his car to arrive. Once again, he was telling me how much he’d enjoyed every single moment.
‘Even the really exciting bits?’
‘Especially the really exciting bits. I have to say, Max, if I was at the other end of my career, I’d be taking a quick course in History for Beginners and signing up at St Mary’s as fast as I could. As it is …’
I took his hand. ‘I hope you have a long and happy retirement, Eddie. Filled full of incident and adventure.’
He looked around and lowered his voice. ‘And you, Max. Are you looking forward to your long and happy retirement?’
‘Of course,’ I said with enthusiasm and conviction and he wasn’t fooled for a minute. He really didn’t miss anything at all. He knew more about what I was thinking than I did. Still, I suppose if you’ve spent your entire working life probing the secrets of the universe, then the thoughts of one small, ginger historian must be a bit of a doddle.
I smiled, uncertainly.
‘Is it possible, Max, that you have some reservations?’
‘No. And yes.’
‘Well,’ he said comfortably, ‘I often find it useful, when making a difficult decision, to look at the situation in reverse.’
I raised my eyebrows.
‘For instance, how would you feel if his offer was withdrawn? That the option of this scary new life was no longer available? Or, how would you feel if he made that offer to someone else? How happy would you be about that?’
‘Not happy at all, Eddie.’
‘Now consider this. Is it leaving St Mary’s that’s the problem? Or starting a new life somewhere else?’
‘I …’
I stopped, suddenly very unsure.
‘It’s understandable, Max. You joined St Mary’s before you’d had any real experience of the world. You are in the strange position of leading a hazardous but sheltered life. Now you can look forward to a safe but unpredictable life. Who knows what each new day will bring you? Are you, for instance, likely to get halfway to Tesco and suddenly find yourself fighting monsters?’
‘Not that often, I should imagine.’
‘So if it’s not the new, safe life that concerns you, then is it, as I suspect, having to share that new, safe life with someone else?’
‘Eddie you’re far too smart for my peace of mind.’
‘Well, you may as well tell me. I’m very discreet.’
‘I don’t know whether … whether I … I don’t know if he …’
I stopped, floundering. Words had obviously taken the day off.
‘You don’t know what’s going to happen next, is that it? You’ve spent all your working life knowing the Persians will attack, the Pharaoh will die, the earthquake will occur. You’ve had control over everything that happened in your life. But now, your life is about to happen to you.’
I nodded.
His eyes twinkled. ‘Welcome to the real world, Max.’
I had to laugh.
‘It is, I think, comforting to know that you are not approaching this new phase of your life with unconcern or an unrealistic assessment of the problems of living closely with someone. Somehow, though, I think the two of you will find a way. It may not be the conventional way or even the way you expect, but, having met the two of you, I have no fears.’
He paused. ‘However …’ he said, suddenly serious.