Her mother shook off her concern and typed again, “Mom now taking care of you for once. I’m not letting you lose him. I told him about your father, about your fear. My story to tell, he understands now.” She’d never seen her mother look so happy and free. When most people would be terrified of what they were facing, she looked like she’d slain a dragon.
It took a long time with her mother alternating between trying to put the words together to speak and using her new computer, but they talked about her father for the first time. The person that she thought her mother to be was so different from the reality. Her mother had spent her entire life trying to protect them, and in the end had come close to losing herself. Having the stroke in a way saved her life.
Dr. Mauldin had taken her off all the Alzheimer’s medications and the confusion she’d lived under the last few years was clearing. Dr. Mauldin believed that instead of having Alzheimer’s, she was dealing with depression and anxiety due to the trauma of living with an abusive husband and then the loss of her daughter. The medication she’d been prescribed was actually keeping her from recovering. Her diabetes medication was also adjusted, and the change in her mental clarity was nothing short of amazing. This was a woman Claire had only ever caught glimpses of through the years.
Her mother also told her that when Jason had visited her the first time he had just missed Claire. After that Louise always called him when she was leaving so he could visit without upsetting her. He came each evening and read to her or just talked. Last night he had brought the computer and taught her how to use it. It was obvious from her mother’s expression that she really liked him.
Claire knew in her heart that her mother would have never been so comfortable around a man who reminded her in the least bit of her husband. Everything that Jason had done for her, although way overboard, had been to help her because he cared. He hadn’t been trying to control her or make decisions because he didn’t feel like she was competent. He simply wanted to help people. He visited her mother each night because he had a big heart, not to gain something from her. Claire looked over at her mother, a smile forming on her face. Her mother said one word, “Go.”
Chapter Twenty Seven
Claire didn’t know when or if Jason would be home, but she was determined to sleep in her car if she had to. She didn’t want to talk to him over the phone or at the office; she wanted to see him in person. She needed to see if she could salvage something after the way she’d hurt him. Yes, he shared in the blame, and if they were to have a future together, he would have to learn to step back and let her handle her life. She’d been sitting in his driveway for almost three hours. It was midnight, and she was yawning and trying to stay awake when approaching headlights flooded her car.
She was parked to the side, and Jason didn’t even notice her until he was pulling into the garage. His car slammed to a halt as he stared at her car. He turned off the ignition to his Mercedes, leaving it half outside the garage and rushed over to her door. He opened it and asked urgently, “Claire, what’s wrong? Did something happen to your mother?”
In the dim light of the car, Claire could make out the tight grooves around his mouth. His beautiful blue eyes seemed so much duller than the last time they’d been together. She reached up and ran her finger down the side of his face, feeling the familiar angles, committing it to memory once again. Jason caught her hand and shook it slightly as if afraid she was in shock. “Baby, what’s going on? Talk to me!”
As if a dam has broken, tears poured from her eyes as she said, “Everything is ok, I needed to see you.”
Suddenly, Claire could see his face take on a guarded expression. “Claire, just go home. I can’t do this again.”
As he started to straighten and pull away from the car, Claire grabbed his hand and said, “I love you Jason.”
Jason pulled back from her, shaking his head. “You’re killing me, please just go home.”
Jason walked away from her towards the door in his garage leaving his car still half out of the garage. Quickly getting out of her car, Claire caught up with him as he was unlocking the door. “Jason,” She began, “I know you have been going to see my mother every evening; I know she told you about my father.” Claire waited for his reaction as his shoulders stiffened. As he turned slowly around, Claire was taken aback by the desperate sadness and longing she saw on his face.
“Claire, I’m sorry; I know now that I did everything wrong with you. By loving you so much I turned into everything you’d ever feared. I wanted to take all your pain away, and instead I only gave you more. I drove you away, and I know you will never trust me again, you will always think I’m like him.”