Wallbanger

Chapter Nine
TEXT BETWEEN CAROLINE AND SIMON:
You had a package delivered.
I signed for it and it’s at my place.
Thanks. I’ll pick it up when I’m back. How are you?
Good, just working. How are the Irish?
Lucky. How’s that insane cat?
Lucky. I caught him trying to climb the walls.
He’s still looking for Purina. Misses her.
I don’t think a romance is in the cards for those two.
Probably not…he won’t be over it anytime soon tho.
Might have to bump up his catnip ration.
Don’t overmedicate.
No one likes a p-ssy that can’t hold a conversation.
I’m actually a little scared of you.
LOL. Don’t be scared. Wait until I offer you candy for that.
If I catch you in a trench coat I’m running the other way!
When are you coming home btw?
Missing me a little?
No, I wanted to re-hang some pictures on the wall behind my headboard and I’m wondering how much time I have.
Be home in 2 weeks. If you can wait that long,
I’ll help you. It’s the least I can do.
The very least, and I’ll wait. You provide the hammer,
I’ll provide the cocktails.
Curious about my hammer, are you?
Going across the hall right now to kick your door.
Text between Mimi and Caroline:
Girl, guess what? Sophia’s grandparents’ house is available next month. We’re on our way to Tahoe, baby!
Sweet! That’ll be nice.
I’ve been dying to get away with my girls.
We were thinking of inviting the boys…is that cool with you?
That’s fine. The four of you will have a great time.
Idiot, obviously you’re still invited.
Aw thx! I’d love to go along on a romantic weekend
with 2 couples. FANTASTIC!
Don’t be an a*shole. You’re totally still coming. You won’t be a 5th wheel. It’ll be so fun! Did you know Ryan plays guitar? He’s gonna bring it, and we can sing along!
What is this…camp? No thx!
Text between Mimi and Neil:
Hey, Big Man, what are you doing middle of next month?
Hey, Shortie. No plans yet. What’s up?
Sophia’s grandparents are gonna let us have
the Tahoe house. You in? Ask Ryan…
Hells yes! I’m there. I’ll ask the nerd if he’s in.
Trying to talk Caroline in to coming along too.
Great! The more the merrier.
We still meeting for drinks with Sophia and Ryan tonight?
Yep, see you then.
You got it, kiddo.
Text between Simon and Neil:
Quit f*cking asking me about Lucky Charms.
That little guy cracks me up every time!
Hey, when are you home?
We’re headed up to Tahoe for a weekend next month.
I’ll be home next week. Who’s going?
Sophia and Mimi, me and Ryan. Maybe Caroline.
That girl’s pretty cool.
Yah, she’s pretty cool when she’s not cockblocking.
Tahoe, huh?
Yep, Sophia’s grandparents have a house there.
Nice.
Text between Simon and Caroline:
You going to Tahoe?
How the hell did you hear about that already?
Word gets around…Neil is pretty excited.
Oh, I’m sure he is.
Sophia in a hot tub - isn’t too hard to figure out.
Wait, I thought he was dating Mimi.
Oh, he is, but he is def thinking about Sophia in a hot tub, trust me.
What the hell?
Strange things afoot in San Francisco.
They’re each dating the wrong person.
What?
It’s shocking. Mimi can’t stop talking about Ryan,
who’s usually staring like a sad puppy dog at her. And Sophia is so busy mooning over Neil’s giant man hands she can’t see that he’s staring right back at her. Pretty funny.
Why don’t they swap?
Says the guy with the harem…it’s not always that easy.
Wait until I get home, I’ll take care of it.
Okay, Mr. Fix-It. Before or after you hang my pictures?
Don’t worry, Nightie Girl.
I’m all about getting into your bedroom.
Sigh
Did you really just type the word sigh?
Sigh…
Are you going to Tahoe?
Not if I can help it. Although it would almost be worth it
to watch the chaos when they finally figure this out.
Indeed.
Text between Caroline and Sophia:
What’s this I hear about you not coming to Tahoe?
Ugh! What’s the big deal?
Easy, Trigger. What crawled up your ass?
I just don’t know why it’s essential that I accompany all of you on a romantic weekend. I’m perfectly happy to go next time. Going out with you guys here is one thing. Tagging along to Tahoe? I don’t think so.
It won’t be like that. I promise.
I already have to hear Simon banging on the walls when he’s home. I don’t need to hear Ryan drilling you in the next room, or Mimi getting manhandled.
Do you think he’s manhandling her?
What?
Neil. Do you think he’s manhandling her?
Is he what?
Oh, you know what I mean…
Are you actually asking me if our dear friend Mimi
is having sex with her new boy toy?
Yes! I’m asking!
As it happens, no. They’re not manhandling yet. Wait, why are you asking? You’ve slept with Ryan right? Right????
Gotta go.
Text between Sophia and Ryan:
Is it weird that we only ever go out on double dates
with Mimi and Neil?
What?
Is it weird?
I don’t know. Is it?
Yes. Tonight you’re coming over, alone,
and we’re watching a movie.
Yes, ma’am.
And btw, ask your buddy Simon to come to Tahoe.
Any specific reason I’m doing this?
Yep.
Care to share?
Nope. Bring popcorn.
Text between Ryan and Simon:
Are you sick of green yet?
I’m ready to come home, yes. My flight gets in late tomorrow night. Or tonight. Shit, I don’t know.
Sophia asked me to officially ask you if you want to come along to Tahoe. You in?
Tahoe, huh?
Yep. I think Caroline is going.
I thought she wasn’t going.
Have you been talking to the Cockblocker?
Some. She’s pretty cool. The truce seems to be holding.
Hmmm. So, Tahoe?
Let me think about it. Windsurfing this weekend?
Yep.
Text between Simon and Caroline:
So I got invited to the Tahoe thing. Are you going?
You got invited? Ugh…
I take it you’re still not sold on the idea?
I don’t know. I love going up there, and the house is pretty fantastic. Are you going?
Are you going?
I asked you first.
So what?
Child. Yes, I suppose I will end up going.
Great! I love it up there.
Oh, you’re going now?
Might as well. Sounds like fun.
Hmm, we’ll see. Home tomorrow, yes?
Yep, late flight in and then sleeping for at least a day.
Let me know when you’re up. I’ve got that package for you.
Will do.
And I’m baking zucchini bread tonight. I’ll save some for you. You probably have no groceries at all, right?
You make zucchini bread?
Yep
Sigh…

I woke up suddenly and heard music coming from next door. Duke Ellington. I looked at the clock. It was after two in the morning. Clive poked his head out from under the covers and hissed.
“Oh, shut up. Don’t be jealous,” I hissed back.
He glared at me, showing me his bum as he turned and wiggled his way back under the covers, head first.
I snuggled in deeper myself, smiling as I listened to the music.
Simon was home.

The next morning I woke up so happy it was Saturday. I was caught up on everything: no laundry to do, no errands to run. Just a day to enjoy and relax. Fantastic.
I decided to start with a nice long bath, and then I’d decide what to do with my day. I was thinking of a run at Golden Gate Park that afternoon. Fall in San Francisco was so pretty when the weather held. I just might take a book and spend the entire afternoon there.
I started the bath and Clive came in to keep me company. He weaved in and out of my legs as I dropped my pjs on the floor and meowed as he explored the top of the tub. He loved to balance on the edge while I took a bath. He’d never fallen in, although sometimes he would dip his tail. Silly cat—one of these days he was gonna dip more than his tail.
I tested the water. It was just beginning to make its way up the side of the giant tub when I decided I needed a little coffee before I settled in. I padded out to the kitchen—naked as the day is long—to make myself a cup. I yawned as I measured the beans for the grinder.
I tossed a few spoonfuls into the filter and went to get water. As soon as I turned on the faucet, the screeching began.
First I heard Clive meow like never before. Then I heard splashing. I started to smile, thinking he’d finally fallen in, when the water from the sink shot straight in my face.
I blinked furiously, confused until I realized water was shooting out the top of the faucet, spraying the entire kitchen. “Shit!” I screamed, trying to turn it off. No luck.
I ran to the bathroom, still swearing and found Clive hiding behind the toilet, soaking wet, and the tub faucet spraying wildly all over the bathroom. “What the—?” I cried, trying again to turn off the water. Then I began to panic. It was like the entire apartment had gone haywire at the same moment. There was water spraying everywhere, and Clive was still screeching at the top of his lungs.
I was naked, sopping wet, and freaking out.
“Motherf*ckingcocksuckershitdamndamn!” I screamed and grabbed a towel. I tried to think, tried to calm down. There must be a shut-off valve somewhere. I’d redesigned bathrooms, for Christ’s sake. Think, Caroline!
About this time I heard the banging coming from somewhere else in the apartment. Of course I thought it was the bedroom first—naturally. But no, it was the front door.
Wrapping the towel around myself and still cursing enough to make a sailor blush, I stomped across the floor, fortunately not slipping in the collecting water, and angrily swung the door open.
Of course it was Simon.
“Are you out of your goddamned mind? What’s with all the screaming?”
I practically didn’t notice the green plaid boxers, the sleep hair, or the speedbump abs. Practically.
Survival mode kicked in, and I grabbed him by the elbow as he was rubbing his eye and dragged him forcibly into the apartment. “Where the hell is the shut-off valve in these apartments?” I shrieked.
He looked around at the chaos: water spraying from the kitchen, water on the floor from the bathroom, and me in my Camp Snoopy towel, which was the first one I grabbed.
Even in a crisis Simon took 2.5 seconds to look at my nearly naked body. Okay, I might have taken 3.2 to look at his.
Then we both snapped into action. He ran into the bathroom like a man on a mission, and I could hear him knocking around. Clive hissed and ran out, straight into the kitchen. Realizing it was just as wet in there, he leapt across the room in an acrobatic fit and landed high atop the fridge. I started to run to the bathroom to help and collided with Simon as he ran to the kitchen. Undeterred, he slid across the floor and opened the doors under the sink. He began throwing my cleaning supplies all over the floor, and I assumed he was trying to get at the shut-off valve. I tried not to notice the way the back of his boxers clung to his buns. I tried so very hard. He was covered in water as well now, and just then his feet slipped out from under him, crashing him to the floor.
“Ow,” he said from under the sink, his legs now splayed out across my wet kitchen floor. Then he rolled over. He was soaking wet and a tad bit glorious.
“Get over here and help me. I can’t get this one turned off,” he requested over the rushing water and the cat meowing.
Remembering that I was only wearing a towel, I gingerly knelt next to him and tried to avoid looking at his body—his wet, long, lean body that was dangerously close to my own. One more random jet of water straight into my eyeball was enough to pull me from my stupor, and I renewed my focus.
“What do you want me to do?” I yelled.
“Do you have a wrench?”
“Yes!”
“Can you go get it?”
“Sure!”
“Why are you yelling?”
“I don’t know!” I sat there, trying to see underneath the sink.
“Well, go get it, for God’s sake!”
“Right. Right!” I yelled and ran for the hall closet.
When I came back, I slipped a little on the wet tile and slid into his side.
“Here!” I yelled and thrust the wrench under the sink.
I watched him work, his face hidden. His arms strained, and I saw how strong he really was. I watched in amazement as his stomach hardened and revealed six little packs. Oops, make that eight. And then the V showed up. Hello, V…
He grunted and groaned and as he strained to turn off the valve, his entire body caught up in the struggle. I watched as he fought the Battle of the Valve and was finally triumphant. I also kept a close eye on those green plaid boxers, which when wet, clung to him like a second skin. Skin that was wet, and probably warm, and—
“Got it!”
“Hurray!” I clapped as the water finally stopped. He let out one last groan, which sounded oddly familiar, and relaxed. I watched as he slid out from under the sink.
He lay next to me on the floor, soaked and in his boxers.
I sat next to him, soaked and in a towel.
Clive sat on top of the fridge, soaked and angry.
Clive continued to yell/meow, and we continued to stare at each other, breathing heavily—Simon because of his battle and I…because of his battle. Clive finally jumped down from the fridge to the counter and skidded across in the puddle. He hit my radio, bounced off, and fell to the floor. Loud Marvin Gaye poured into the wet kitchen as Clive shook himself and ran for the living room.
“Let’s get it on…” Marvin sang it like he meant it, and Simon and I looked at each other, our faces stained crimson red.
“Are you kidding me?” I said.
“Is this for real?” he said, and we both started to laugh—at the chaos, at the ridiculousness, at the sheer insanity of what had just happened and the fact that we were now lying half naked in my kitchen, covered in water, listening to a song that encouraged us to, in fact, “get it on,” and laughing our asses off.
I finally straightened up, wiping tears from my eyes. He sat up next to me still holding his stomach.
“This is like a bad episode of Three’s Company.” He chuckled.
“No kidding. I hope someone called Mr. Furley.” I giggled, drawing my towel tighter around me.
“Shall we get this cleaned up?” he asked, standing.
I noticed that his boxers, and anything that might be contained inside, were now at eye level. Settle, Caroline.
“Yes, I suppose we should.” I laughed again as he held out his hand to help me up. I couldn’t gain any traction, so I hung on to his hands, my feet slipping all over the floor.
“This is never going to work,” he muttered and swooped me up. He carried me into the living room and set me down. “Watch it there. Snoopy is drooping a little,” he noted, gesturing to the part covering the girls.
“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” I sassed, pulling things tighter.
“I’m going to get changed, and I’ll bring you back some dry towels. Try to stay out of trouble.” He winked and headed back to his place. I laughed again and went to the bedroom where Clive was now just a bump under the covers.
I looked in the mirror over my dresser as I dug for something to put on. I was positively glowing. Huh. Must have been all that cold water.

An hour later things were back under control. We’d cleaned up the water, alerted the people downstairs in case there was leakage below, and placed a call to the maintenance guy.
We began to move toward my front door, mopping up the last little bit of water with the towels Simon had generously provided.
“What a disaster!” I cried, pulling myself up off the floor and sinking down on the couch.
“Could have been worse. You could have had to deal with this after only three hours’ sleep, and being woken up by some woman screaming at the top of her lungs,” he said, coming to sit on the arm of the couch.
I arched one eyebrow, and he recanted.
“Okay, bad example since that scenario is something you’re familiar with. What are you going to do now?”
“I dunno. I need to stay here and wait for the guy to fix this mess. In the meantime, I’m without water, which means no coffee, no shower, no nothing. Sucks,” I muttered, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Well, I guess I’ll be across the hall, drinking coffee and thinking about my shower, if you need anything,” he said, starting for the door.
“Ass, you are totally making me coffee.”
“Are you taking me up on the shower, too?”
“You won’t be in there with me, you know.”
“I guess you can take one anyway. Come on, you little cockblocker,” he huffed, pulling me up off the couch and leading me across the hall. Clive tossed one last angry cry at me from the bedroom, and I shushed him.
“Oops, wait. Let me grab breakfast.” I snatched a foil-wrapped package from the table.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Your zucchini bread.”
I swear he almost bit through his bottom lip. He must really like zucchini bread.

Thirty minutes later, I sat at Simon’s kitchen table, legs curled underneath me, drinking French-pressed coffee and towel-drying my hair. He seemed really relaxed and happy, and he’d devoured the entire loaf of zucchini bread. I barely managed half a slice before he took it away from me, the entire chunk disappearing in his mouth.
He pushed away from the table and groaned, patting his full belly.
“You want another loaf? I baked plenty, you little piggy.” I wrinkled my nose at him.
“I will take anything you want to give me, Nightie Girl. You have no idea how much I love homemade bread. No one’s made anything like this for me in years.” He winked and let out a tiny burp.
“Now that’s sexy.” I frowned and took my coffee cup into the living room, glancing out into the hallway to see if the maintenance guy had shown up yet.
Simon followed me in and sat down on his big, comfy couch. I wandered around, looking at all his pictures. He had a series of black and whites on one wall, several prints of the same woman on a beach. Hands, feet, tummy, shoulders, back, legs, toes, and finally one of just her face. She was gorgeous.
“This is beautiful. One of your harem?” I asked, looking back at him.
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Not every woman has made a trip to my bed, you know.”
“Sorry. I’m kidding. Where were these taken?” I asked, sitting down next to him.
“On a beach in Bora Bora. I was working on a travel photography series—the most beautiful beaches of the South Pacific, very retro styled. She was on the beach one day, local girl, and the light was perfect, so I asked if I could take some shots of her. They came out great.”
“She’s gorgeous,” I said, sipping my coffee.
“Yes,” he agreed with a sweet smile.
We sipped silently, being okay with being quiet.
“So what were you planning to do today?” he asked.
“You mean before my pipes revolted?”
“Yes, before the attack.” He smiled over the rim of his mug, blue eyes twinkling.
“I didn’t have a lot planned, actually, and that was a good thing. I was gonna go for a run, maybe sit outside and read this afternoon.” I sighed, feeling warm and comfortable and cozy. “What about you?”
“I was planning on sleeping the entire day before tackling a mountain of laundry.”
“You can go sleep, you know. I can wait in my own apartment.” I started to get up. Poor guy, he’d gotten in late, and I was keeping him from sleep.
But he waved me off and pointed to the couch. “I know better, though. If I sleep I’ll have jet lag all week. I need to get back on Pacific time as soon as I can, so it’s probably a good thing your pipes attacked.”
“Hmm, I guess. So how was Ireland? Good times?” I asked, settling back.
“I always have a good time when I’m traveling.”
“God, what an amazing job. I’d love to travel like that, living out of a suitcase, seeing the world, amazing…” I trailed off, looking around again at all the pictures. I spotted a slender shelf on the far wall with tiny bottles on it. “What’s that?” I asked, heading for the curious little shelf. They each contained what looked like sand. Some were white, some gray, some pink, and one was almost pitch black. They each had a label. As I looked I felt, rather than saw, him move behind me. His breath was warm in my ear.
“Every time I visit a new beach, I bring back a little sand—like a reminder of where I was, when I was there,” he answered, his voice low and wistful.
I looked more closely at the bottles and marveled over the names I saw: Harbour Island–Bahamas, Prince William Sound–Alaska, Punaluu–Hawaii, Vik–Iceland, Sanur–Fiji, Patura–Turkey, Galicia–Spain.
“And you’ve been all these places?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“And why bring back sand? Why not postcards, or better yet, the pictures you take? Isn’t that enough of a souvenir?” I turned to look at him.
“I take pictures because I love it, and it happens to be my job. But this? This is tangible, it’s tactile, it’s real. I can feel this, this is sand I was actually standing on, from every continent on the planet. It brings me back there, instantly,” he said, his eyes going all dreamy.
From any other guy, in any other setting, it would have been pure cheese. But from Simon? The guy had to be deep. Dammit.
My fingers continued to trail over all the bottles—almost more than I could count. My fingertips lingered on the few from Spain, and he noticed.
“Spain, huh?” he asked.
I turned to look at him. “Yep, Spain. Always wanted to go. I will someday.” I sighed and crossed back to the couch.
“Do you travel much?” he asked, sinking down next to me again.
“I try to go somewhere each year—not as fancy as you, or as frequent, but I try to take myself somewhere every year.”
“You and the girls?” He smiled.
“Sometimes, but the last few years I’ve enjoyed traveling by myself. There’s something nice about being able to set your own pace, go where you want, and not have to run it by a committee every time you want to go out for dinner, you know?”
“I get it. I’m just surprised,” he said, frowning slightly.
“Surprised that I’d want to travel alone? Are you kidding? It’s the best!” I cried.
“Hell, you’ll get no argument from me. I’m just surprised. Most people don’t like to travel alone—too overwhelming, too intimidating. And they think they’ll get lonely.”
“Do you ever get lonely?” I asked.
“I told you, I am never lonely,” he said, shaking his head.
“Yes, yes, I know, Simon says, but I have to say I find that a little hard to believe.” I twisted a lock of almost-dry hair around my finger.
“Do you get lonely?” he asked.
“When I’m traveling? No, I’m great company,” I answered promptly.
“I hate to admit it, but I’d agree with that,” he said, raising his mug in my direction.
I smiled and blushed slightly, hating myself as I did it. “Wow, are we becoming friends?” I asked.
“Hmm, friends…” He appeared to think carefully, examining me and my current state of blush. “Yes, I think we are.”
“Interesting. From cockblocker to friend. Not bad.” I giggled and clinked his mug with my own.
“Oh, it remains to be seen whether you’re lifted from cockblocker status yet,” he said.
“Well, just give me a heads up before Spanx comes over next time, okay, friend?” I laughed at his confused expression.
“Spanx?”
“Ah, yes, well, you know her as Katie.” I laughed.
He finally had the decency to blush and smile sheepishly. “Well, as it happens, Ms. Katie is no longer part of what you so kindly refer to as my harem.”
“Oh no! I liked her! Did you paddle her too hard?” I teased again, my giggling beginning to get out of control.
He ran his hands through his hair frantically. “I have to tell you, this is frankly the strangest conversation I’ve ever had with a woman.”
“I doubt that, but seriously, where did Katie go?”
He smiled quietly. “She met someone else and seems really happy. So we ended our physical relationship, of course, but she’s still a good friend.”
“Well, that’s good.” I nodded and was quiet a moment. “How does that work, actually?”
“How does what work?”
“Well, you have to admit, your relationships are unconventional at best. How do you do it? Keep everyone happy?” I prodded.
He laughed. “You’re not seriously asking how I satisfy these women, are you?” He grinned.
“Hell, no. I’ve heard how you do that! There doesn’t seem to be any question about that. I mean, how does no one get hurt?”
He thought for a moment. “I guess because we were honest going into this. It isn’t like anyone sets out to create this little world, it just happens. Katie and I had always gotten along great, especially in that way, so we just fell into that relationship.”
“I like Spanx—I mean Katie. So was she the first? In the harem?”
“Enough with the harem—you make it sound so sordid. Katie and I went to college together, tried dating for real, didn’t work out. She’s great though, she’s…wait, are you sure you want to hear all this?”
“Oh, I am all ears. I’ve been waiting to peel this onion since you first knocked that picture off my wall and clocked me on the head.” I smiled, settling back on the couch and curling my knees underneath me.
“I knocked a picture off your wall?” he asked, looking amused and proud at the same time. What a guy.
“Focus up, Simon. Gimme the skinny on your ladies in waiting. And spare no details—this shit is better than HBO.”
He laughed and put on his storyteller face. “Well, okay, I guess it started with Katie. We didn’t work out as a couple, but when we ran into each other after college a few years ago, coffee turned into lunch, lunch turned into drinks, and drinks turned into…well, bed. Neither of us was seeing anyone, so we started getting together whenever I was in town. She’s great. She’s just…I don’t know how to explain it. She’s…soft.”
“Soft?”
“Yeah, she’s all rounded edges and warm and sweet. She’s just…soft. She’s the best.”
“And Purina?”
“Nadia. Her name is Nadia.”
“I have a cat that says otherwise.”
“Nadia I met in Prague. I was doing a shoot one winter. I usually never do fashion photography, but I got asked to shoot for Vogue—very artsy, very conceptual. She had a house outside the city. We spent a naked weekend together, and when she moved to the States she looked me up. She’s getting her masters now in international relations. It’s crazy to me that at twenty-five she’s on the tail end of her career, in modeling, that is. So she’s working hard to do something else. She’s very smart. She’s traveled the entire world, and she speaks five languages! She went to the Sorbonne. Did you know that?”
“How would I know that?”
“Easy to make snap judgments when you don’t know someone, isn’t it?” he asked, eyeing me.
“Touché,” I nodded, nudging him with my foot to go on.
“And then Lizzie. Oh boy, that woman is insane! I met her in London, piss drunk in a pub. She walked up to me, grabbed my collar, kissed me stupid, and dragged me home with her. That girl knows exactly what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it.”
I remembered some of her louder moments in great detail. She really was rather specific about what she wanted, provided you could get past the giggling.
“She’s a solicitor—attorney—and one of her main clients lives here in San Francisco. Her business is based in London, but when we’re both in the same city, we make sure to see each other. And that’s it. That’s all she wrote.”
“That’s it? Three women, and that’s it. How do they not get jealous? How are they all okay with this? And don’t you want more? Don’t they want more?”
“For now, no. Everyone is getting exactly what they want, so it’s all good. And yes, they all know about each other, and since no one’s in love here, no one has any real expectations beyond friendship—with the best possible benefits. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I adore each of them, and love them in their own way. I’m a lucky guy. These women are amazing. But I’m too busy to date anyone for real, and most women don’t want to put up with a boyfriend who’s across the globe more often than home.”
“Yes, but not all women want the same thing. We don’t all want the picket fence.”
“Every woman I’ve ever dated has said she doesn’t, but then she does. And that’s cool—I get it—but with my schedule being so crazy, it got to be very difficult for me to be involved with anyone who needed me to be something I’m not.”
“So you’ve never been in love?”
“I didn’t say that, did I?”
“So you have been in a relationship before, with just one woman?”
“Of course, but as I said, once my life became what it is today—the constant traveling—it’s hard to stay in love with that kind of guy. At least that’s what my ex told me when she started dating some accountant. You know, wears a suit, carries a briefcase, home every night by six—it’s what women seem to want.” He sighed, setting his coffee down and relaxing further into the couch. His words said he was okay with all this, but the wistful look on his face said otherwise.
“It’s not what all women want,” I countered.
“Correction, it’s what the women I have dated all wanted. At least until now. That’s why what I have works great for me. These women I spend my time with when I’m home? They’re great. They’re happy, I’m happy—why would I rock the boat?”
“Well, you’re already down to two now, and I think you’d feel differently if the right woman came along. The right woman for you wouldn’t want you to change anything about your life. She wouldn’t rock your boat, she’d jump right in and sail it with you.”
“You’re a romantic, aren’t you?” He leaned in, bumping my shoulder.
“I’m a practical romantic. I can actually see some appeal in having a guy who travels a lot, because, frankly? I like my space. I also take up the entire bed, so it’s difficult for me to sleep with anyone.” I shook my head ruefully, remembering how quickly I used to kick my one-nighters to the curb. Some of my past wasn’t all that different from Simon’s. He just had his sexcapades tied up in a much neater package.
“A practical romantic. Interesting. So what about you? Dating anyone?” he asked.
“Nope, and I’m okay with that.”
“Really?”
“Is it so hard to believe a hot, sexy woman with a great career doesn’t need a man to be happy?”
“First of all, bully for you for calling yourself hot and sexy—because it’s true. It’s nice to see a woman give herself a compliment instead of fishing for one. And second, I’m not talking about getting married here, I’m talking about dating. You know, hanging out? Casually?”
“Are you asking me if I’m f*cking anyone right now?” I shot at him, and he spluttered into his coffee.
“Definitely the strangest conversation I’ve ever had with a woman,” he muttered.
“A hot and sexy woman,” I reminded him.
“That’s for damn sure. So, how about you? Ever been in love?”
“This feels like an ABC mini-series, with all the coffee and the love talk,” I said. I might have been stalling.
“Come on, let’s celebrate this moment in our lives.” He snorted, gesturing with his coffee mug.
“Have I ever been in love? Yes. Yes, I have.”
“And?”
“And nothing. It didn’t end in a very good way, but what ending is ever good? He changed, I changed, so I got out. That’s all.”
“You got out, like…”
“Nothing dramatic. He just wasn’t who I thought he was going to be,” I explained, setting my coffee down and playing with my hair.
“So what happened?”
“Oh, you know how it goes. We were together when I was a senior at Berkley, and he was finishing up law school. It started out great, and then it wasn’t, and so I left. He did teach me how to rock climb, so I’m grateful for that.”
“A lawyer, huh?”
“Yep, and he wanted a little lawyer wife. I should have caught on when he referred to my future career plans as a ‘little decorating business.’ He really just wanted someone who looked good and picked up his shirts from the cleaners on time. Not for me.”
“I don’t know you that well yet, but I can’t really see you in the suburbs somewhere.”
“Ugh, me either. Nothing wrong with the ’burbs, just not for me.”
“You can’t move to the ’burbs. Who would bake for me?”
“Pfft, you just want to see me in my apron.”
“You have no idea,” he said, winking.
“It’s hard to get everything you need from one person. You know what I mean? Wait, of course you do. What was I thinking?” I laughed, gesturing to him.
We both jumped at the knocking on my door across the hall. The maintenance guy had finally arrived.
“Thanks for the coffee, and the shower, and the pipe rescue,” I said, stretching as I walked toward the door. I nodded at the guy in the hallway and held up one finger to let him know I’d be right there.
“No problem. It wasn’t the nicest way to wake up, but I suppose I deserved that one.”
“Indeed. But thank you anyway.”
“You’re welcome, and thanks for the bread. It was great. And if another loaf happens to make its way over here, that would be okay.”
“I’ll see what I can do. And hey, where’s my sweater?”
“Do you know how expensive those are?”
“Pffft, I want my sweater!” I cried, slapping him in the chest.
“Well, as it happens, I did bring you something—a sort of thanks-for-kicking-my-door present.”
“I knew it. You can drop it off later.” I walked across the hall to let the guy in. I directed him toward the kitchen and turned back to Simon. “Friends, huh?”
“Looks that way.”
“I can live with that.” I smiled and closed the door.
As the maintenance guy went about fixing the problem, I wandered to my bedroom to check on Clive. Just as I entered, my phone buzzed. A text from Simon already? I grinned and flopped down on the bed, snuggling a still-freaked-out kitty to my side. He began to purr instantly.
You never answered my question…
I felt my skin heat up as I realized what he was referring to. I was suddenly warm and a little tingly, like when your foot falls asleep, but all over. And in a good way. Damn, he gave great text.
About whether I’m f*cking anyone?
Jesus, you’re crass. But yes, friends can ask that, can’t they?
Yes they can.
So?
You’re kind of a pain in the ass. You know this, right?
Tell me. Don’t get shy on me now.
As it happens, no. I’m not.
I heard a thud from next door, and then a slight but constant banging on the wall.
What the hell are you doing? Is that your head?
You’re killing me, Nightie Girl.
As soon as I finished reading, the banging resumed. I laughed out loud as he thumped his head against the wall. I placed my hand on the wall over my bed where the thumping was concentrated and chuckled again. What a strange morning…