Until We Touch (Fool's Gold #15)

“Jack,” she said softly. “What’s going on? You’re scaring me. You just disappeared the other day. You’re not taking my calls. Taryn’s upset so I know something happened with her. Plus, Percy’s gone.”


He picked up the glass and swallowed the contents. “Damn fool kid.”

He turned to look at her. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. She wanted to pull him close and let her love heal him. Instead, she stayed where she was and let him tell her whatever it was he had to say.

“Where is he?” Jack asked.

“A halfway house. He got a job with Josh Golden, at the cycling school, and he’s still studying with Kenny and Sam.”

“They’re good men. They won’t screw up.”

“You didn’t screw up.”

One eyebrow rose. “You can’t defend me because you don’t know what happened.” He poured another drink. “Because it’s all my fault, Larissa. I destroyed it all.” He picked up the glass. “You know what? I turned down the job.”

Was he drunk? He sure wasn’t making any sense.

“What job?”

“For the football program. Like I know anything about how to do it.”

She clasped her hands together. “Jack, you would have been so good with the players.”

“Would I?” His dark gaze settled on her face. “Yeah, I don’t think so. Because I’m the reason Percy left. At the tournament Jonny Blaze asked if he was my kid. He said we had the same eyes.”

“You’re pretty young to be his father,” she said.

“That’s not the point.” Jack’s voice was angry. “I don’t want that kid. Any kid. I would be a lousy father.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You would do a great job.”

“You’re blind. I told him that Percy wasn’t mine. That he was a problem that wouldn’t go away.”

Larissa felt her eyes widen. “Jack,” she began.

He cut her off with a shake of his head. “I didn’t mean it, or maybe I did. Hell if I know anything anymore. Percy heard. That’s why he left. Nobody wants to be charity, Larissa. People don’t want to be saved, they want to believe they can save themselves.”

She considered what he’d just said. “Have you talked to him? If you explain it was an accident and you’re sorry, then he’ll come back.”

“He’s not coming back,” Jack told her. “And I don’t want him to. He needed too much. I’m not getting involved. I write the checks, you do the rest of it.”

“Jack, no.”

“Face it. I’m the sales guy. I’m into flash. I tell the customers what they want and Taryn takes care of the rest. It’s better that way. That’s what I told President Newham and the mayor. Thanks but no thanks. I’m not your guy.”

This was a side of Jack she hadn’t seen before. Coldly cynical and almost mean.

“No,” she said firmly. “You’re wrong. You’re more than a sales guy. You love what you do. As for coaching, you should really think about it. It would fill your soul.”

He laughed and took a drink. “My soul is plenty full.”

“You have to give back,” she persisted. “It’s the law of the jungle. You have more so you have to give more.”

He gave her a withering look. “That’s not the law of the jungle. I believe what you’re searching for is kill or be killed. I’m taking the easy way out, Larissa. I always have. Why can’t you see that?”

What she saw was how much he hated himself right now. He felt pressured by the job offer and he’d reacted badly. She knew all the reasons why. She understood him, she always had. He—

She looked at him and got it. He was pushing them all away because it made it easier for him to deal with what was happening. After years of not getting involved, he was being sucked in. By her, by the town, by Percy and the university. The need to connect overwhelmed him. The lashing out was simply a symptom.

She slid toward him and put her hand on his arm. “Jack, it’s okay. We’ll get through this together.”

“I doubt that.”

“You don’t understand. You can’t scare me away. I love you.” She paused as the truth sank in. “I’m not trying to get over you. I don’t think I ever was. I’m in love with you and I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.”

* * *

JACK HAD ENJOYED his English classes in college. Writing papers had come easy to him, mostly because he knew how to spread about the bullshit with the best of them. He could read a book and then answer essay questions with ease.

He remembered some book about a guy who had no purpose and how that was its own brand of hell. He hadn’t understood it at the time, but he got it now. Because he was that guy. At one time he’d had a goal—to win. And before that, well, no reason to go there. Now, however, there was nothing. He’d already destroyed his relationship with Percy and Taryn, why not go for gold?

He stood up, careful to carry his glass with him. He turned to face Larissa, taking in her blue eyes, the fullness of her mouth. He knew everything about her, so he knew exactly where to slide the knife.

“Don’t love me,” he told her. “I’m not interested in your love. Or you. I can’t save you and if I could, I wouldn’t.”