Chapter 9
Shannon settled against the pillows with a sigh that made Kade happier than he thought possible.
“That was a good idea. I didn’t realize what an appetite I’d worked up.”
He chuckled. “Really? I would have thought you needed a side of beef after that.”
“Have you always been into BDSM? I’ve just never heard you talk about it.”
“Does it bother you?”
She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have let you touch me like that if I didn’t want to. I like sex, but not enough to do something like that if I had issues with it.”
He should have known that would be her answer. He had never met a woman so confident and straight up about her sexuality.
“I’ve always had some interest in it. But it’s a little different now.”
He could tell by her expression she wanted to ask him more. He was a little surprised by the need to control her. It almost overwhelmed his good senses. Kade just hoped he held himself in check for the week.
“Hm, I need a good night’s sleep,” she said. The patter of rain hit against the window, and Shannon was snuggled up against Kade as he pulled the sheet up. It was an image he had often dreamed of before his last mission.
He cleared his throat. “You’re not the only one.”
“And that rain is perfect. It always makes me so drowsy. I love the sound of it.”
She was already drifting into sleep. A selfish part of him wanted to stop her, keep her awake. They weren’t going to have much time together. Kade wanted to savor every minute, try and draw out his visit.
There was a very good chance he was really screwing up. He had prepared himself to resist her, resist the crazy pull she always had on him. He had thought he could do it.
Inwardly, he snorted. Yeah, he could resist her. He’d been in New Orleans for less than forty-eight hours, and he had already crumbled.
“You’re thinking too much.”
Her breath tickled his chest. “What?”
She lifted her head and looked up at him. “You’re thinking too much. Right now, your head is turning over all the things you’re worried about.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded. “Don’t worry about it. Let it go.”
“Aren’t women supposed to get all talkative after sex?”
“If you don’t do it right. Apparently, you haven’t been doing it right.”
Her sassy tone made him chuckle. How could he stay out of her bed? The woman had just submitted to him, and now she was messing with him. If a man could resist her, he had to be stupid or gay.
“Or maybe I had the wrong partners.”
“I have to agree with that. Listen, I know you’ve got a lot on your plate. There is no pressure here, not right now. Let’s just take it one day at a time. If you can handle that, Seal?”
Her tone was flirtatious, but there was a hint of steel beneath it. He had been preparing for a long, drawn out discussion of why he hadn’t contacted her. Instead, she offered him nothing but understanding.
“I am more than up to the task.”
“Good.” She leaned up and gave him a kiss on the nose then on his mouth. She lingered there, giving him a taste of her, tempting him. She pulled back, a smile curving her lips. In the soft moonlight, there in her room with the rain hitting the window, he knew he was still in love with her. His heart lurched at the thought, but he brushed the worry aside. One day at a time was what she wanted. That was what he would give her.
“You get some sleep,” he said, trying to keep a lid on his emotions.
“You betcha.” She chuckled, then settled back down and snuggled close to him.
He wanted this, wanted it more than he had ever wanted to be a Seal. It scared him a bit to know that. From the time he entered the Navy, he had wanted to be a Seal. He had questioned that in the last few months, but other than trying to protect her, he had never thought of giving up on Shannon.
Again, he shoved the thoughts aside and decided to do as ordered. A good night’s sleep was what he really needed to get his head back on straight.
· · · · ·
Kade came awake with a shout. His heart was beating out of control, his body slick with sweat. He had been having these nightmares since he got back, but they hadn’t been quite this bad. This one had been vivid, almost real to him.
Each time, he saw Forrester’s face as he was shot, as the life seeped from him.
With a shake of his head, Kade stood and stretched. Shannon grumbled and settled deeper into the pillows. He brushed her hair from her face and noticed his hand was shaking. He wanted to touch her, to love her again, but he was too raw to handle that now. He needed to get his head out of the dream and back onto the day. He went into the bathroom and splashed his face with some cool water, then found his jeans and pulled them on. Even through the closed blinds, he could see the first stirrings of the sunrise. There was one thing about a good bout of healthy sex. He had finally slept through the night. When he unlocked the door, he heard someone moving around in the kitchen. He had a feeling it was Mal. He didn’t want to really deal with his friend without some coffee. Unfortunately, the coffee was, of course, in the kitchen. He could smell it brewing.
Kade squared his shoulders and walked to the kitchen. He found Mal there, frying some bacon.
“About time you emerged from her bedroom,” he said without turning around.
He didn’t sound mad, but he knew better than to trust that. Mal could be his deadliest when he was cool.
“Look. Mal…”
He trailed off when his friend turned with a smile on his face. “What are you, stupid?”
“Not following you, mate.”
“Get some coffee before you fall down.”
He did as ordered, watching Mal as he forked up the bacon and put it on a plate. Next, he pulled out some eggs and started cracking them into a bowl.
“See, I know you don’t remember after we were evac’d out.”
Hell, he could remember up until the moment he was shot. Then nothing until he woke up in the hospital.
Mal nodded. “You were completely out of it there for a while. But I remember. Once I came to, I was by your side.”
He had sort of known that. Each time he had surfaced, he had seen him there by the side of his bed. "And?”
“You know the most amazing thing about being out of your mind after an injury? You don’t know what you say.”
It took Kade a second to figure it out. Then it hit him.
“I said something.”
Mal nodded without turning around. "Over and over. You wanted to talk to Shannon.”
“Shit.”
“I was pretty pissed right then.” He glanced back at Kade. "But, then, you were injured, and I couldn’t beat the shit out of you. I wanted to, believe me. Especially since I figured out that you might have used the wedding to get her into bed.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
Mal stopped mixing the eggs and faced him. "Come on, Kade. I know you as well as you know me.”
“And you know I’m not a slut like you.”
Mal chuckled. "Yeah, you are, but it stopped about a couple of years ago. I realized then how many times you came back to New Orleans with me.”
Kade couldn’t help the heat that crawled into his face. Damnit, he was blushing.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The moment he said it, he knew he sounded like an idiot.
Mal shook his head. "Son, you have got to lie better. Anyway, I realized a long time ago you had a crush on her. I ignored it for the most part because, when you have sisters like Jocelyn and Shannon, well, you’re used to it. Jocelyn was always so serious, but with Shannon, well, she’s got that soft heart of hers. All the guys loved to get her sympathy.”
“If that’s what you think attracts them and keeps them coming around, you’re living in denial.”
“Okay, I know it had to do with the way she’s built. I’m not blind, but I can pretend. She’s my sister.” Mal jerked a shoulder. “Anyway, I worked through my anger. It’s hard to be pissed at a guy who had his knee all f*cked up, and well, knocked stupid. Stupider. I guess I should ask your intentions, but that would get me smacked around by Shannon if she found out.”
“I’m not truly sure of my intentions.”
Mal nodded in understanding. Their job didn’t allow for a lot of self-reflection. Any relationship, whether sexual or not, didn’t always stand up to the horrible life of the significant other of a Seal.
“I just wanted you to know I will stand clear. Shannon wouldn’t have taken you to bed if she didn’t want you there.”
“Your sister never does anything she doesn’t want to.” Even Kade could hear the admiration in his own voice. He had always been drawn to strong, capable women.
“You’ll get no problems from me unless you hurt her.”
Kade sighed and shook his head. "F*ck, Mal, I’m a man. I’m going to hurt her.”
“Not intentionally. That’s different.”
He nodded.
“I decided Chief and I are going out to Mama’s. I really don’t want to be in a house with you two. Kind of gross.”
“I hope you have cheese grated for those eggs,” Shannon said from the doorway. He looked in her direction, and his breath caught in his throat. The sun was now streaming in behind her. She was wearing that same little robe she was before, and he couldn’t help the heat that poured into his blood at the sight of her.
“Oh, God, you two are disgusting. Can the kitchen be a non-sex part of the house?”
He glanced at his friend. “Get used to it.”
Mal chuckled. “And no, I didn’t put cheese into the eggs because not everyone wants it.”
“My kitchen, my rules.”
“But I’m not giving your boyfriend here any issues. And, remember, I am the one cooking. I won’t make you any.”
“You suck.”
“Well, be glad I’m not going to kick your boyfriend’s ass. Because he knows I can.”
She smiled at her brother then looked at Kade. “He lives in a little world of his own making, doesn’t he?”
“Also, be happy I’m leaving you two alone. Chief and I are going to Mama’s.”
“You’ll get more home-cooked meals there.”
She walked over to Kade, then as if it was the most natural thing to do, slipped onto his lap. He hesitated, his chest tight at the simple gesture, and slid his arms around her waist. Chief came in next, clean-shaven, looking like he was ready to report to duty.
He gave them a disgusted look. “I still think you would be better off with me.”
She laughed at that. “I’m sure you do. I need to get dressed because I have paperwork to get done.”
“I thought you had off for the next few days,” Kade said.
She nodded. “I forgot I have to get the schedule set up and the time sheets processed. I’ll be back and there better be cheese in those eggs.”
After she gave him a quick kiss, she said, “You can come with me today, but it would be really boring.”
He wanted to go. He wanted to be anywhere she was. For some reason, he felt a desperate need to be in the same room as her.
The moment he thought it, he felt funny, as if something was clutching at his throat. Immediately, he backed up from that thought. They had little time together, but he needed some space. “I think the guys and I are going to go over to your mama’s for lunch, or that was the plan yesterday.”
Mal nodded. “Mama will be pissed if I don’t bring her favorite boy.”
She sighed. “Fine, abandon me for an older woman who can cook better than I could ever dream of. See where that gets you.”
She slipped off his lap and went to get ready.
He rose to fill his cup when Chief said, “You know if you f*ck this up, McKade, there is a good chance that after Dupree finishes with you, I’ll kick your ass.”
“You could try, Chief,” he said cheerfully, feeling somehow lighter. He filled his cup then looked over Mal’s shoulder. “Seriously, mate, you better put some cheese in those eggs.”
“Shit.”
· · · · ·
“You better get something to drink, Francis,” Anna Louise Dupree said. He did as she told him, enjoying the homemade strawberry lemonade more than he would admit. Other than his mother, she was the only person who could get away with calling him by his first name. “And don’t you worry. We’ll put some meat on you this week.”
He loved her as if she was his own mother, and sadly, he had a better relationship with Mal’s mother. Closer. Where Jocelyn had taken after their father in looks and temperament, Shannon was her mother through and through. Her mother was average height, delightfully rounded, and so full of joy, you couldn’t help but smile at her. She had taken him under her wing the moment he’d shown up with Mal several years earlier. His parents weren’t bad people, they were just distant. His sister wasn’t much better, not now, especially after her divorce last month. It was their nature. Their work in the field of nuclear energy was important to them, and it was the focus of most of their energy. So, when Anna Louise had hugged him like he was a long lost relative, he had been slightly overwhelmed. And, he had fallen in love with her by the end of the weekend.
“When are you going to run away with me?” he asked as he always did.
She laughed and for a moment, he could hear Shannon. They were so much alike…except for the cooking. Her green eyes danced with merriment.
“Oh, you devil. Don’t let Sam hear you, or he’ll beat you up.”
He snorted. “I can take your husband on.”
“Maybe, but I think you might have a little trouble with my little girl, yes?”
Again his face flushed, and dammit, she laughed. It hit him then that this was the most he had spoken in weeks. Shannon and her mother were so much alike. They always drew him out of himself, got him to participate.
“I still can’t believe you make this homemade, Mrs. Dupree,” Deke said.
“I told you to call me Anna Louise, Deke. No one in the Dupree house stands on formality.”
He smiled at her, and Mal made a sound of disgust. “It’s bad enough dealing with Shannon and Kade, but do y’all have to flirt with my mother?”
“A beautiful woman like your mother should expect it,” Deke said, earning him a knock to the back of the head from Mal.
“Now, you two boys go out and do something. I want to talk to Kade.”
Shit. He knew that this was coming, but he hadn’t been ready for it. The others agreed mainly because no one, not even Sam Dupree, said no to Anna Louise in her own house.
“Now, you going to tell me why you look like this?”
She waved her hand at him.
“Bad assignment?”
She tsked. “More than that, I am sure. You brought some ghosts back with you.”
He nodded, knowing there would be no denying to Anna Louise. She wouldn’t allow for it.
“I’ll not ask you what is bothering you. Not yet. You tell that girl of mine when you’re ready.”
“How does everyone know about that?”
She rolled her eyes. “What am I, stupid? Seriously, Francis, you follow her around like a puppy dog when you visit. Her brother and his friend are here at my house to stay, but not you. I know my girl has sex.”
He cleared his throat. "I really don’t want to talk about it.”
She made a disgusted sound that he had heard a time or two from Mal. "Oh, the poor little Seal is afraid of his lover’s mother.” She shook her head. "Don’t you talk sex with your mother?”
“Good God, no.” He couldn’t keep the horror out of his voice.
“Hmm, well, that might be your problem. Either way, know I do not judge. Just be careful, that’s all I ask.”
He looked into the eyes so similar to Shannon’s and nodded. "I will do my best, Anna Louise.”
She smiled then and patted his hand. "I promised that boy of mine some cornbread and fried catfish. I need help in the kitchen. You up to the challenge?”
Another thing his parents didn’t know about him. He loved to cook. It had come about mainly because his parents would forget to cook. So Kade had taken over. With Anna Louise, though, he had learned so much, and she loved having him in the kitchen.
He nodded. "I’d love to.”
· · · · ·
Shannon looked over the schedule for the next two weeks and sighed. She only had three more days, and the guys had to go back to Virginia. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with the feelings that brought about, but in the last three days since Kade had returned to her bed, she had been unable to ignore them. She hadn’t pushed him, hadn’t tried to. It overwhelmed her a bit too much, but it was growing every day. She wanted to ask what he wanted from her other than sex.
She didn’t, though. She knew that at the moment, he was doing better, but asking questions like that would be too much. Whatever happened on the mission had really hurt him. She had to give him time to heal, then they could deal with what was going on between them. The nightmares were bad, she knew without being told. And seriously, there was another reason she hadn’t pushed him.
She was being a coward.
She could wrap it up in the package of giving him time or the idea that they were living in the moment, but it wasn’t that. She didn’t push because she didn’t want to lose him.
And that was pitiful.
“You going to take the night off again?” Simon asked. She heard the disapproval in his voice.
“Yes. They’re leaving tomorrow. I don’t have that much time left with Kade.”
“What’s going on between you two?”
She knew what he wanted but instead she took the chicken’s way out. "I don’t think I have to explain sex to you, do I? I thought you understood all forms of it.”
He frowned and shut the door behind him before sitting down in the chair in front of her desk. "I want to know what the hell is going to happen when he leaves.”
“You and me both.”
“You haven’t discussed it?” he asked.
“We haven’t had time to do that. Really.”
Simon rolled his eyes. "Really? You’re having that much sex?”
She stared at him blankly.
“Oh, now I am jealous.” Then he frowned. “Stop trying to get me off the subject.
“You’re the one who brought up sex, not me. And just so you know, Kade doesn’t swing that way.”
“Shannon.”
She heard the reprimand in his voice. "What is it you’re getting at?”
“I know he needs some help, probably has PTSD from that last mission. He’s jumpy, more than usual. But, honey, you need to give yourself the right to ask for more.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have always gone for what you wanted. In work, in life, with every man other than this one. You are letting him call the shots.”
“Believe me, it’s worth it.”
“Again, stop trying to distract me with sex. You’re trying to help him over what he’s dealing with.”
She frowned. “I don’t know what he’s really dealing with.”
“You haven’t talked about it.”
She shook her head “I told you, it’s only been a couple of days.”
“And you think this is going to help you? Help him? I can tell by looking at him that he needs help.”
“Of course he does, but do you think one of those damned Seals have spoken to me?” she asked, her voice rising. "The only thing I got out of Mal was that they lost someone, that Mal was knocked unconscious, and that’s it. None of them say anything except that it was a really bad mission.”
By the time she finished, she realized how loud she had gotten. The silence was almost deafening.
“Okay, so maybe they aren’t ready to talk. You don’t know what happened, might never. Remember, my dad was Special Forces. There are just some things they are never going to tell you. But what are you going to ask from Kade?”
Everything.
The word whispered through her mind, but she didn’t say it. If she did, it wouldn’t come true. She knew she was being a coward, but she had to be careful around him. Pushing him after such a traumatic situation was too much.
She opened her mouth, but Simon shook his head. "Don’t say a word. I know. Just make sure that at some point, you tell him what you want. He might be hurting now, but believe me, Kade’s a Seal. He can handle a few demands from you. It might be good for both of you.”
When Simon finally left her alone, she realized that there was some truth to what he had been saying. She had been holding back, and she normally wouldn’t. Yes, he had only been back in her life for less than a week, and their relationship had come out of a friendship. Because she had known him for years, it seemed like a long time, but it wasn’t. Their sexual relationship had only been a few nights. Demanding an answer wasn’t smart. It wasn’t something she even wanted. Shannon knew men, she knew herself even better. She wouldn’t be happy to be pushed at a time like this if she were suffering. She would give him what he needed and wait. Someday, she’d make sure he understood he had to make a choice.
She just hoped she could hold out that long.