Chapter Twenty-One
Nicholas felt the room begin to spin. He looked at Belverd then back at Sara who was now coming toward them, then back at Belverd. He couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t even see straight. She had lied to him? So he would be manipulated into marrying her? To honor her family name? Did she even need money for her family? She played him for a fool. Of course she’d grown up in the country; most bastard children did until it was time for them to—He couldn’t finish the thought. He needed air or brandy, and considering the brandy was on the far side of the room, he chose air. He pushed past Belverd, and out of the nearest door, knowing very well that many eyes were on him, and wondering what his next move would be, including Sara.
It was minutes before he felt her presence behind him. “Go away, Sara.”
“Nicholas I—“
He turned. “Lord Renwick to you.” His face twisted into a sneer. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Were you just going to keep it from me for forever?”
Her eyes scrunched up as if confused.
“Goodness, Sara! Is that even your real name?” He shook his head pitifully. “I felt sorry for you! I did! I thought ‘how sad for Sara to live in the country all her life and have her virtue compromised by London’s most notorious rake,’ and then as if by some miracle I actually felt—“
“You felt what?” She stepped forward.
“Get away from me!” he yelled. “I trusted you! I felt affection for you, I—Sara, I made love to you and now I find out you’ve been keeping this secret from me this whole time? When I trusted you with all of mine?”
“I love you!” she yelled back at him. “I didn’t even know until the day before we were to be married! What was I to do? Tell you and have you panic? Why does it matter who my mother is? I had no idea until Lady Fenton told me!” She was screaming right back at him, which actually took him quite off guard.
“You still should have told me! We are husband and wife, for better or worse! Haven’t you been the one that’s been talking about giving your heart and loving someone? And here you can’t even trust me with your past?”
Her eyes turned suddenly cold as she looked up to him. “Like you trusted me with yours?”
He felt all control snap. “That’s different, and you know it!”
“No, it's not!” She moved closer to him. “The only difference is you knew all along that if you compromised me, I wouldn’t say no, but the whole time I knew—I knew—that you would use any excuse to get out of this marriage. Hadn’t you told me as much?”
She had him there, but would she have ever offered to marry him if he hadn’t suggested an annulment? And wasn’t he doing the right thing in offering her a way out of being trapped?
“I was trying to help you. I didn’t want this!” He was powerless to stop the words from his mouth.
“You…” She turned away to hide her tears. “Didn’t want me? Or you didn’t want to be married?”
He didn’t know what to say. There were always moments in his life when he knew what words should come out of his mouth, but because of the hurt and pain, he would choose the ones that would do the most damage. In his head they made him think he would feel like the person who didn’t get screwed by the whole situation. This was one of those times for Nicholas as he choked out the final words in the coffin of their relationship. “Both.”
Sara looked at him with the coldest eyes he had ever seen. Angry tears streamed down her face, she let out another choked sob and ran back inside. Nicholas was hurt and frustrated, yet all he could think of was the way Sara looked when he said he didn’t want her. He would have welcomed death before seeing that expression on her face again.