Chapter Fifteen
Nicholas woke up refreshed. Today he would be getting married. Sara had done an excellent job of keeping things private; it made his heart constrict at the thought of her sacrifice. She was marrying him in a small ceremony rather than for the ton to see—a girl like her should be seen on her wedding day. He did have some surprises for her, surprises that would surely seal her fate as the future Countess of Renwick.
He tried to wipe the indelible smile off his face but failed. He couldn’t help how happy he was. Not only was he getting married, but little Duncan had warmed up to Sara like a child would to his own mother. It was truly touching seeing them together. Maybe he wouldn’t have to annul the marriage after all. Maybe by the end of the year, he would feel like they were a family, and stop punishing himself for his past sins. God knew Nicholas wanted someone to love him and someone whom he could love back. He was on the road to that kind of love with Sara. They only needed more time, the time afforded to them by pledging themselves to each other today.
Hopefully the time he spent wooing her after the wedding would suffice to heal his shame-ridden heart and create the possibility for a lasting marriage, without the nagging scandal that now hung over them. If it were only up to him, he would commit to eternity this instant, but he feared his selfish motives would lead to more pain for Sara. He was still deeply wounded, not sure if he would ever be whole enough to be a good husband. Yet he felt a bit of hope that possibly Sara had faith in him that he could be the man of her dreams. The man she deserved.
He only wished Sara’s parents could make it to the wedding. When he questioned her about their attendance, she turned quiet and changed the subject. Not at all like the Sara he’d grown to care for over the past few days. Nicholas decided to allow the subject to drop. After all, they hadn’t provided her a dowry, so it was not surprising they cared so little about their daughter's nuptials. Obviously, they weren’t a close family. He wanted to remedy that as soon as possible, when he made his surprise visit to them after the honeymoon.
Nicholas stretched out of his bed and went to the bath. He wasn’t one to admit his affinity for the bath, considering only women bathed daily, but it felt good on his sore muscles. He had been up late the past few nights making sure everything was in place for his new bride. He had paid a very high price to have her room redecorated but it was to be a surprise for her. The finishing preparations were completed early that morning, and his body was paying for it.
He washed himself and hummed a tune then his valet came in to dress him. Sara had chosen a beautiful velvet coat with gold buttons for him to wear. She had no idea the gold was solid, but it wasn’t as if he couldn’t afford it. He wanted to spare no expense. Lady Fenton actually shed a tear when he also paid for Sara's wedding dress. In all honesty, Lady Fenton was more emotional than Sara. You’d think she was the one getting married with as much fuss as she had made over the decorations and food.
What had once seemed a strained relationship between the two women had now blossomed into a fairytale. They poured themselves over plans for the wedding, and Nicholas often found them giggling in the corner like schoolgirls. He smiled and rolled his eyes but silently thanked the Lord above that Sara had been given such a gracious and loving aunt.
Though he trusted her with his past, Nicholas had never particularly enjoyed his cousin's company, but now that Sara was in his life, his fondness for Lady Fenton grew at alarming speed. He was even contemplating having her become Duncan’s stand-in grandmother, since his own parents were gone.
He gazed into the mirror and smiled; his face would fall off if he kept this ridiculously joyful expression pasted there much longer. His valet rolled his eyes and mumbled something about a lovesick school boy, stopping Nicholas dead in his tracks.
Good God, it had happened so swiftly and almost as easily He was besotted, lovesick and totally vulnerable. He was in love. The thought choked him up. His valet was right. Nicholas was disgustingly sick over his love for Sara. It wasn’t even lust anymore, for when he thought about her, it was her smile and her character that inhabited his mind. Granted, when he touched her, or even allowed his eyes to venture over her body, his rakish side responded in other ways, but wasn’t it good to have lust and love? Hadn’t he only recently discovered it was possible to entertain both emotions?
Nicholas shook his head. His desire was for more than her body. It was for her mind, her soul, her entire heart. He wanted it all.
Could he tell her? Should he tell her? He couldn’t. He needed to prove himself first, prove himself worthy. Rejection would be too painful if Sara didn’t feel the same way. He had hurt her deeply in so many ways, and she still agreed to marry him. But was it pity? Or her family's need for money? Both were possibilities. Regardless, they had become friends, and she cared for him too—of this he was certain. But Nicholas doubted he was worth loving, the way that a man should be loved by his wife. And it was for this reason he had to prove himself worthy.
He shook the dark thoughts from his head and ran down the stairs. Duncan waited at the bottom of the staircase in his most dashing new outfit of shiny black boots and a miniature version of Nicholas’s black jacket. “Daddy’s getting married today!” Nicholas crooned into Duncan’s ear.
Duncan clapped his hands and smiled. “Ma-wy Sa?” It was what he called Sara, since he had trouble with his R’s.
Nicholas smiled. “Yes, Daddy marry Sa.” He plopped Duncan into the nurse’s hands and tipped his hat. He was out the door in a flash, and before he had time to even count the minutes, he was directly in front of the church waiting for Sara.
The church was nicely decorated with white roses. It made him want to break out in a wide grin. It was simple. A week ago he would have said it fit Sara perfectly. Yet after knowing her in the way he did, he realized no flower—or object for that matter—could truly describe a woman who was so deep and intricately put together. The pews in the church each had a single lit candle which led the way down to where his future bride would meet him. Only a few close friends were seated in the pews, Belverd included, whose smug smile was enough to tempt Nicholas to punch him. The bet was lost. No longer would he receive the much sought-after feather, but his prize was far greater. Even his old friend's ribbing could not deflate his joy today.
The groom stood at the altar and fought to retain a shred of dignity. Nicholas was so nervous; he couldn’t even remember what Sara looked like. Then in perfect timing, the doors to the church opened and there she stood.
Sara was draped in a beautifully crafted silk gown adorned with tiny diamonds encrusted throughout the bodice. It fell into a beautiful train down the back and wrapped snugly around her body in all the right places, then descended into a flowing skirt, making her waist appear as the daintiest of flowers. The white of the dress was a stark contrast to her dark hair and skin. She looked like a foreign princess, not some country maiden during her debut. It was almost uncomfortable how beautiful she looked—like a vision, and Nicholas worried if he touched her, the dream would somehow fade, and Sara would back away slowly and regret her decision to come in the first place.
Just as the fears cascaded through Nicholas’s consciousness, Sara smiled. His insides began melting, and she slowly glided toward him, arms outstretched, which was improper, but she had little care for the propriety of the ton.
They grasped hands and smiled at each other. Nicholas bent down and kissed her cheek; he really couldn’t help himself. The priest cleared his throat in protest; he was lucky Nicholas kept it to one kiss rather than kidnapping his beautiful bride and locking her in his room right now.
“Please be seated.” The priest signaled the beginning of the ceremony. Nicholas squeezed Sara’s hand. It was time to get married.