Chapter Five
Harley
So that’s what everyone is all in a lather about.
That’s why everyone wants some.
I get it now. I understand. Because I’ve never ever felt that before. It was like a cocoon of bliss, of pure, sweet, exquisite agony. As if my whole body was lit up and sparklers were shooting through my veins.
Thirty minutes later, we’re back in the city, hailing a cab, and then making it up the steps to Trey’s little studio apartment on the lower east side. I’ve never gone to a guy’s home. All my work was done in hotel rooms, or bars, or on assignment at events. But I want to be here. I want to let myself feel everything I’ve missed out on and everything I’ve never wanted to have before. I’ve never had the desire to be touched like that, to let someone feel me, slide a hand between my legs. Never in my life. The only orgasms I’ve had have been delivered solo, and I’m not a regular practitioner of self love.
Tomorrow everything changes, but tonight is still mine.
And Trey feels like mine too. Like he came into my life tonight for a reason. For more than just a tattoo. For this. For this night to exist suspended and apart from everything else.
“So this is it,” he says, flicking on a light.
His apartment is tiny, but that’s what I’ve come to expect from New York. There’s a futon and bookshelves, stuffed with paperbacks and sketchbooks. He turns on his iPod so low I can’t really make out the music.
But it sounds like Corinne Bailey Rae, and I can’t think of a sexier kind of song.
He takes my hand and leads me over to his futon.
He leans into my neck, runs his nose from my throat to my earlobe, then nibbles on my earlobe. “You smell so f*cking good. Do you have any idea how much I want to go down on you?”
I shake my head in answer, even though I think I do know. I felt how hard he was earlier when we were all wrapped up together. I press my hand against him, outlining him through the denim of his jeans. I feel so risque, so daring, but I like this wild side of me. And he does too.
“Shit, that feels good,” he says with a groan. But then he takes my hand off of him.
“Why did you do that?”
“Because this isn’t about me. This is about you. I want to make you feel good. I want to do things to you with my tongue that will send you screaming. I want to taste you. I want to be the first to know how you taste.”
His words send heat through my body, and a sweet ache between my legs. My panties are so damp already from what he did to me on the train.
“I want you to do all those things,” I say and that’s all it takes. His hands are under my skirt and he’s tugged off my panties.
“Let’s get you naked,” he tells me, raising an eyebrow playfully. I slide off my skirt and he takes off my shirt. I’m down to my bra. I hope he likes what he sees. Not because he paid for it or ordered it, but because he wants it.
He moans and shakes his head appreciatively. “You are gorgeous,” he says and unhooks my bra, then runs his thumbs over my nipples. No one has touched my breasts before. No one. I barely know what to expect, but the reaction hits me quickly – I hitch in a breath as my nipples harden, and desire spreads through me as he bends his head to kiss my breasts, while touching my arms, my belly, my thighs with his hands.
He is memorizing me with his fingertips, and it’s making me woozy and wobbly.
He lays me down on the futon. He’s still in his jeans and his shirt, and I’m in nothing, but I’m in heaven too, because he’s returned to my lips, that divine mouth of his kissing me once more. He’s soft and hungry at the same time, and it’s such a heady combination. His lips are amazing, and he kisses me with a greediness like I’m a chocolate cake and he wants to gobble me, and honestly I want that – to be eaten up. I sigh lightly, but I’m not even sure what to do, or how to respond as he kisses his way down my neck.
I tense for a moment. Do I moan? But I don’t like moaning. I don’t like making noise. I’ve never wanted to make a sound, and suddenly I am overanalyzing every sensation. I’m losing touch with the intensity because my mind is elsewhere. It’s back to my past, to my shame, to all the things I never wanted to hear. But then I hear him, his sighs against my chest as if I’m the best thing he’s ever had. “You are delicious,” he murmurs, his tongue tracing the tops of my breasts, and I say to myself: F*ck the past. F*ck the future. The only thing that exists is the present, and this is a gift. I will take it.
Savoring every second of his soft mouth on my breasts. Reveling in the way he kisses my nipples, flicking his tongue against one, sucking gently, then hard, all while running his hand along my hipbone. The feelings overwhelm me, and I simply have to give my mind a break. I put it on cruise control, letting my body take charge and make all the decisions, and my body is in love with the sensations I’ve never experienced before. Sharp, sweet waves of pleasure literally roll through me, and my bones feel alive, humming and buzzing with energy. My skin tingles in the most delirious way.
I am breathing hard as he feathers his hands against my ribs, inching his way down. He kisses my belly, then lower, lower, hitting the top of pubic bone. I arch my hips, wanting. So much wanting.
He looks up and I meet his eyes.
“I can’t wait to make you feel good.” Then his face is between my legs and he starts with a kiss. A soft, fluttery kiss against my wetness, and I fling my hand over my mouth to capture the sound I’m tempted to make. Because oh my f*cking god. This is the softest and most incredible thing I have ever felt. Then another kiss against my center, and I can feel it everywhere. Like a blinding wave crashing through me. I squeeze my eyes shut and I am sure everything good in the world is happening here, right now, in my body, as he layers more hot wet kisses between my legs.
The press of his tongue is firm and insistent as he licks me, and I want to die from the pleasure. I want to claw my way through the intensity. This rush, this thrill. This is the true high. This is ecstasy. He works me up and down, and I am floating, falling, drifting along this rapturous path as he swirls his tongue across me, making me even hotter. I had no idea it was possible, but everything he does sends me higher and higher. Soon, I gasp in pleasure. And I don’t try to stop the sounds I make.
I don’t scream out, but I start to moan, and I keep my voice low because I don’t want anyone to hear me, but I can’t help myself. I have never felt anything like this. This neverending bliss, this sweet devouring as he unravels me. Sparks soar from the center of my belly to my chest to my fingertips. I hear him groan hungrily; he wants me to feel good. He wants me to feel amazing. I think he likes doing this to me as much as I like having it done. He is licking me as if I’m the best thing he’s ever tasted. And as I thread my hands in his hair and hold on tight, I know this – he’s the best thing I have ever felt. My belly tightens and I feel as if I’m about to shatter into a million diamonds.
“Oh,” I moan, and he cups my ass, and buries his face between my legs, and the quickening intensifies, and then I can feel it for the first time–like a wave slamming into the shore. Pleasure spins wildly through me and I pull his hair and rock into his face. A long moan escapes my throat as I come for the second time that night. But it doesn’t stop there, the orgasm rockets through my body, leaving no inch of me untouched, as if I need to be wrapped in it, to feel it everywhere as I experience desire and pleasure and want for the first time.
And the last time too.
Tomorrow I start love and sex addiction rehab.
Trey
She is blissed out beyond any and all recognition, and I am filled with a dumb sort of pride. It’s stupid, this pride. But still, it’s there. Inside my chest, strutting around, like a big man on campus. I did this to her. I gave her two orgasms, the first two anyone has given her. I guess she could lie about me being her first, but why would you lie? She didn’t act like she was some pleasure hound, she didn’t sidle up on the bed, lower her lashes, and practically purr at me like my other women had. She seemed all fluttery and nervous like everything was new. Judging from the look on her face, all rosy and happy, and the heavy way she’s breathing out, she can still feel the after effects. I curl up next to her, wrap my arms around her, and plant a kiss on her cheek.
“I loved making you come for the first time.”
She turns to me, that shy look on her face again. “I loved what you did to me too.”
Minutes later, we doze off.
Sometime after that, I can feel the empty space where she was. I open my eyes and yawn, to find her tugging on her shirt and pushing her arms into her jacket.
“You can stay the night,” I say, glancing at the clock. It’s four in the morning.
“I should go. Tomorrow is a crazy day for me.”
I nod, acting cool. “Yeah, me too. Big day here.”
If she only knew why. But she won’t. She can’t.
Then she leans over and kisses me, and I can feel the goodbye in her lips. It is a last kiss, meant to linger, meant to carry on long after she leaves.
“Should we…” I say, but let my voice trail off. I can’t ask for her number because I can’t do this again. If I had her number I’d call her, see her, try to find her. I’d want more of her, and I can’t have any more.
She shakes her head. “Sometimes I think things happen for a reason. Like I was meant to come to your shop tonight and get this tattoo. And I think if we’re meant to run into each other again, fate will make it happen.”
Her words feel both like a brush-off and like the truth. Like some kind of hopefulness. Maybe I will see her again someday when I am ready, when I am better, when I can have a girl like her in my life.
“Yeah. I believe that too.”
I get out of bed, walk her to the door, and cup her cheeks in my hands, looking deeply into her brown eyes for the last time. “This one’s for the road.” I say.
Then I kiss her, and it’s a kiss that is full of regret and hope at the same time.
Or maybe it’s a kiss with no regrets because tonight was everything it should be. One last night, one last chance, one last first kiss before tomorrow.
When I start love and sex rehab.