Just because I now understood Jeb’s plan, it didn’t make things easier when he escalated it.
He never took the gun anywhere anymore. I didn’t know where it was, but I was grateful that Jamie wasn’t sleeping with it, at least. It made me a little nervous to have Jamie with me unprotected, but I decided he was actually in less danger without the gun. No one would feel the need to hurt him when he wasn’t a threat. Besides, no one came looking for me anymore.
Jeb started sending me on little errands. Run back to the kitchen for another roll, he was still hungry. Go fetch a bucket of water, this corner of the field was dry. Pull Jamie out of his class, Jeb needed to speak with him. Were the spinach sprouts up yet? Go and check. Did I remember my way through the south caves? Jeb had a message for Doc.
Every time I had to carry out one of these simple directives, I was in a sweaty haze of fear. I concentrated on being invisible and walked as quickly as I could without running through the big rooms and the dark corridors. I tended to hug the walls and keep my eyes down. Occasionally, I would stop conversation the way I used to, but mostly I was ignored. The only time I felt in immediate danger of death was when I interrupted Sharon’s class to get Jamie. The look Sharon gave me seemed designed to be followed by hostile action. But she let Jamie go with a nod after I choked out my whispered request, and when we were alone, he held my shaking hand and told me Sharon looked the same way at anyone who interrupted her class.
The very worst was the time I had to find Doc, because Ian insisted on showing me the way. I could have refused, I suppose, but Jeb didn’t have a problem with the arrangement, and that meant Jeb trusted Ian not to kill me. I was far from comfortable with testing that theory, but it seemed the test was inevitable. If Jeb was wrong to trust Ian, then Ian would find his opportunity soon enough. So I went with Ian through the long black southern tunnel as if it were a trial by fire.
I lived through the first half. Doc got his message. He seemed unsurprised to see Ian tagging along beside me. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I thought they exchanged a significant glance. I half expected them to strap me to one of Doc’s gurneys at that point. These rooms continued to make me feel nauseated.
But Doc just thanked me and sent me on my way as if he were busy. I couldn’t really tell what he was doing—he had several books open and stacks and stacks of papers that seemed to contain nothing but sketches.
On the way back, curiosity overcame my fear.
“Ian?” I asked, having a bit of difficulty saying the name for the first time.
“Yes?” He sounded surprised that I’d addressed him.
“Why haven’t you killed me yet?”
He snorted. “That’s direct.”
“You could, you know. Jeb might be annoyed, but I don’t think he’d shoot you.” What was I saying? It sounded like I was trying to convince him. I bit my tongue.
“I know,” he said, his tone complacent.
It was quiet for a moment, just the sounds of our footsteps echoing, low and muffled, from the tunnel walls.
“It doesn’t seem fair,” Ian finally said. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I can’t see how killing you would make anything right. It would be like executing a private for a general’s war crimes. Now, I don’t buy all of Jeb’s crazy theories—it would be nice to believe, sure, but just because you want something to be true doesn’t make it that way. Whether he’s right or wrong, though, you don’t appear to mean us any harm. I have to admit, you seem honestly fond of that boy. It’s very strange to watch. Anyway, as long as you don’t put us in danger, it seems… cruel to kill you. What’s one more misfit in this place?”
I thought about the word misfit for a moment. It might have been the truest description of me I’d ever heard. Where had I ever fit in?
How strange that Ian, of all the humans, should have such a surprisingly gentle interior. I didn’t realize that cruelty would seem a negative to him.
He waited in silence while I considered all this.
“If you don’t want to kill me, then why did you come with me today?” I asked.
He paused again before answering.
“I’m not sure that…” He hesitated. “Jeb thinks things have calmed down, but I’m not completely sure about that. There’re still a few people… Anyway, Doc and I have been trying to keep an eye on you when we can. Just in case. Sending you down the south tunnel seemed like pushing your luck, to me. But that’s what Jeb does best—he pushes luck as far as it will go.”
“You… you and Doc are trying to protect me?”
“Strange world, isn’t it?”
It was a few seconds before I could answer.
“The strangest,” I finally agreed.
CHAPTER 25
Compelled