It was just so dark. I remembered the inky appearance of the pool—ripe with suggestions of what might lurk beneath its opaque surface—and shuddered. But the longer I waited, the longer I would have to be here, so I put the clean clothes next to my shoes, kept the smelly soap, and shuffled forward carefully until I found the lip of the pool.
The water was cool compared to the steamy air of the outer cavern. It felt nice. That didn’t keep me from being terrified, but I could still appreciate the sensation. It had been a long time since anything had been cool. Still fully dressed in my dirty clothes, I waded in waist deep. I could feel the stream’s current swirl around my ankles, hugging the rock. I was glad the water was not stagnant—it would be upsetting to sully it, filthy as I was, if that were the case.
I crouched down into the ink until I was immersed to my shoulders. I ran the coarse soap over my clothes, thinking this would be the easiest way to make sure they were clean. Where the soap touched my skin, it burned mildly.
I took off the soapy clothes and scrubbed them under the water. Then I rinsed them again and again until there was no way any of my sweat or tears could have survived, wrung them out, and laid them on the floor beside where I thought my shoes were.
The soap burned more strongly against my bare skin, but the sting was bearable because it meant I could be clean again. When I was done lathering, my skin prickled everywhere and my scalp felt scalded. It seemed as if the places where the bruises had formed were more sensitive than the rest of me—they must still have been there. I was happy to put the acidic soap on the rock floor and rinse my body again and again, the way I had my clothes.
It was with a strange mingling of relief and regret that I sloshed my way out of the pool. The water was very pleasant, as was the feeling of clean, if prickling, skin. But I’d had quite enough of the blindness and the things I could imagine into the darkness. I felt around until I found the dry clothes, then I pulled them quickly on and shoved my water-wrinkled feet into my shoes. I carried my wet clothes in one hand and the soap gingerly between two fingers of the other.
Jeb laughed when I emerged; his eyes were on the soap in my cautious grasp.
“Smarts a bit, don’t it? We’re trying to fix that.” He held out his hand, protected by the tail of his shirt, and I placed the soap in it.
I didn’t answer his question because we weren’t alone; there was a line waiting silently behind him—five people, all of them from the field turning.
Ian was first in line.
“You look better,” he told me, but I couldn’t tell from his tone if he was surprised or annoyed that I did.
He raised one arm, extending his long, pale fingers toward my neck. I flinched away, and he dropped his hand quickly.
“Sorry about that,” he muttered.
Did he mean for scaring me now or for marking up my neck in the first place? I couldn’t imagine that he was apologizing for trying to kill me. Surely he still wanted me dead. But I wasn’t going to ask. I started walking, and Jeb fell into step behind me.
“So, today wasn’t that bad,” Jeb said as we walked through the dark corridor.
“Not that bad,” I murmured. After all, I hadn’t been murdered. That was always a plus.
“Tomorrow will be even better,” he promised. “I always enjoy planting—seeing the miracle of the little dead-looking seeds having so much life in them. Makes me feel like a withered old guy might have some potential left in him. Even if it’s only to be fertilizer.” Jeb laughed at his joke.
When we got to the big garden cavern, Jeb took my elbow and steered me east rather than west.
“Don’t try to tell me you’re not hungry after all that digging,” he said. “It’s not my job to provide room service. You’re just going to have to eat where everyone else eats.”
I grimaced at the floor but let him lead me to the kitchen.
It was a good thing the food was exactly the same thing as always, because if, miraculously, a filet mignon or a bag of Cheetos had materialized, I wouldn’t have been able to taste a thing. It took all my concentration just to make myself swallow—I hated to make even that small sound in the dead silence that followed my appearance. The kitchen wasn’t crowded, just ten people lounging against the counters, eating their tough rolls and drinking their watery soup. But I killed all conversation again. I wondered how long things could last like this.
The answer was exactly four days.
It also took me that long to understand what Jeb was up to, what the motivation was behind his switch from the courteous host to the curmudgeonly taskmaster.
The day after turning the soil I spent seeding and irrigating the same field. It was a different group of people than the day before; I imagined there was some kind of rotation of the chores here. Maggie was in this group, and the caramel-skinned woman, but I didn’t learn her name. Mostly everyone worked in silence. The silence felt unnatural—a protest against my presence.