CHAPTER Fifteen
Kacey wished she could disappear into the covers when her cell alarm went off at 8:00 a.m. What in the world had she been thinking last night?
Obviously she wasn’t thinking, just drinking and grabbing the first guy next to her. Well, not the first guy, the only guy. The hottest damn guy she’d ever seen in her life.
All Titus men should be shot, that much was clear.
He kissed her first, didn’t he? No, she leaned in first, but what did he expect her to do? With all that wine in her system? And the way he was looking at her? His eyes piercing through her, his scent floating off of him. It would have taken extreme self-control to push the man away, and she’d been running on fumes by the end of the night.
Two more days.
She only had two full days, and then she could return to her boring life and forget about Travis. Even the idea of it made her heart clench a little, but that was silly.
She hurried through her morning routine, grabbed her running shoes and sunglasses, and ran toward the front door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Travis called from behind her. Crap.
“If you must know, I’m going running.”
She refused to turn around. It was too early to deal with his perfect face.
“I’ll join you.”
“No!” Kacey yelled before she could stop herself. “I mean, you don’t have to. I’ll be perfectly safe.”
Travis cursed. “Believe me, I couldn’t care less if some homeless man picked you up off the street. I just have to talk to you. Hold up, let me grab my shoes.”
She nodded her head, still not making eye contact, and ran out the door to stretch.
“Ready?” Travis called five minutes later. She turned and nearly stumbled.
“Sure, yeah, let’s go. Fine.” Snapping her mouth shut, she closed her eyes and imagined a world where perfect male specimens weren’t looking at her the way Travis was. Though his eyes looked more angry than anything else.
“Hope you can keep up,” she called behind her as she set the pace.
Travis laughed. “Please, I ran a marathon last week. Pretty sure I can keep up.”
She clamped her mouth shut and scowled.
“So…” He ran up next to her, not even breathing heavily, even though he was keeping quite a fast pace. “…you and Jake.”
Crap, crap, crap, crap.
“Yeah?” She glanced at him nonchalantly.
“Don’t do it.”
“Do what?” Kacey asked.
“With him, don’t let him in, Kacey.”
“What, did you nominate yourself my protector?”
“Somebody has to protect you!” He grabbed her arm pulling them both to a stop.
“Oh, really? Is that what you were doing last night? Protecting me? Because it sure as hell felt like something else. Thanks for clearing that up.” Kacey pushed him away but he grasped her wrists.
“You know that’s not true, not that it matters, considering you kissed my brother in the same hour.”
“Believe what you want, and for the record, Travis…”
His head popped up.
“It was a drunken mistake. It never happened, okay?”
His nostrils flared as he cursed and looked at the ground. “Right, so what happened between you and Jake was another accident?”
“Again, none of your business. Just leave me alone, Travis. Go find someone else to torture, alright? I need to get my run in before I go to the stupid brunch.”
“If that’s what you want.” He looked back down at the ground then cursed, running a hand through his thick hair. “You’re going to get hurt, you know that, right?”
Kacey sighed. “I’ll get hurt either way, Travis. Just depends on which brother I decide to give that opportunity to, don’t you think?”
He was silent.
It was all the answer she needed.
Nodding her head, she turned in the opposite direction and began to run. Tears threatened to pour down her face. But over what? Over Travis? Over Jake? She didn’t even have feelings for Jake! He was a selfish bastard, but Travis? Travis could be real. Or could he? The trust wasn’t there, but it had seemed lately they had been two different people, and then…
…Then he said something that made her heart turn to ice. He knew about Jake and Kacey, about them going separate ways in college, of course, but the fact that he would throw that back in her face, as if she was some sort of whore and only afterthought material made her want to shoot him. How dare he say that? Even in anger, it wasn’t acceptable.
She wiped a stray tear and focused on the pavement. All she needed to do was get through today and tomorrow. And then she could go back to Seattle, back to her job at Starbucks and to finish school. She just needed to remember everything else she had waiting for her and forget Travis ever existed.
Five miles later, she returned to the house totally spent. Only to find Grandma Nadine strolling out the front door as if she was going on some hot date.
Was she really as ill as Jake said? She looked completely fine.
“Oh, doll! How are you this morning?” She winked. Oh gosh, she was referring to catching her and Travis last night.
“Um, Grandma, there’s something you need to know…”
“Oh posh, don’t you dare excuse your behavior, young lady. If anyone understands, it’s your dear old grandmother. Goodness, if I had your legs I’d be doing much worse. Now you just have your fun and be safe, dear.”
“But Travis and I aren’t, and Jake and I are, and…”
Grandma Nadine winked. “Our little secret, dear. I didn’t see anything. I know you love both those boys, in different ways of course. I think it’s about time you stop following in Jake’s shadow, and break out as your own woman and all that.”
Kacey swallowed the lump in her throat “We aren’t engaged.” She didn’t mean to blurt it out.
“Honey, I’m not stupid.” Grandma Nadine pulled her into a hug even though she was sweaty. “I’m also not sick,” she whispered. “Oh, I had one of those silly scares old people get when things stop working properly, but I’m right as rain.”
“But?” Kacey was torn between feeling happy and confused. “Why did you tell everyone that you were?”
Grandma Nadine’s eyes turned very serious. “Honey, it’s at the end of one’s life when a person realizes past mistakes made. One of my greatest mistakes was not forcing you to return home, to face your demons, to conquer your past.” Grandma lifted Kacey’s chin with her wrinkly hand. “Did Travis drive you by the restaurant?”
Kacey wanted to pull away, but instead she bit down hard on her lip to keep from crying. “No, no he didn’t. I don’t think I can see that place now, Grandma. Not after all those memories. And then when they died, I just wanted to sell the place, to leave everything.”
Grandma sighed. “I understand, honey, but don’t you think it’s time to return?”
“Return?”
Grandma pulled her into a tight hug. “Home, honey-girl. Time to return to where you belong.”
Kacey hugged Grandma as tightly as she could, allowing herself to relax as the smell of Grandma’s French perfume washed over her.
“I know my bastard-of-a-grandson ruined things. I may have threatened him to get you down here, but don’t for a second think that this little visit has anything to do with him. This visit — it’s for you.”
“I don’t understand.” Kacey looked down at her hands, everything seemed so confusing all of a sudden.
“You will.” Grandma Nadine pinched her cheek. “My dear, very soon you will understand why it’s important. Why all of this…” She pulled away and lifted her hands into the air. “…is important. This is life, and honey, you need to start living.”
Kacey nodded.
“Now…” Grandma Nadine straightened her suit jacket. “I have a date.”
“Grandma, it’s nine in the morning.”
“Who says you have to only date at night?” She pulled out a mangled tube of lipstick and formed an O as she coated it across her lips. “The way I see it…” She smacked her lips together. “Is if you date a person in the morning, that gives you all day to play.”
Too much information.
Way too much.
Was it possible to rewind conversations and forget they ever happened?
“I’m off.” Grandma winked and strolled across the street in six-inch heels.
Something was seriously wrong when your grandmother had better clothes than you. Note to self: Raid her closet later.
Fascinated, Kacey watched as Grandma knocked on Mr. Casbon’s door. It swung open wide and she was pulled in.
The drapes were closed. Thank God for small favors.
Kacey entered the house more in a daze than anything. Grandma wasn’t sick. She knew Kacey and Jake weren’t engaged, and she was encouraging Kacey to do what? Find herself? Why did she have to come to the one place packed with all her childhood memories to do so?
The one house, the one family who was almost closer to her than her own.
When she and Jake had broken up, it was as if her world had shifted. She went from spending every holiday at his house to making excuses about work obligations. All because of one stupid night. One careless night where she’d imagined she could be more to him than just his friend.
Oh, she’d been his girlfriend for a year before they had ever done anything, but it was more of an agreement. It had been a way for him to protect her from creepy guys, from the senior year of high school into their first year of college.
It had never meant anything.
They hadn’t ever acted on anything.
She swallowed back more tears, remembering the smell of the dorm room when they’d gotten back from the party that night.
Jake had been laughing about some guy who had fallen into the pool, and Kacey had been drinking water like there was no tomorrow. They’d never gone to parties without one another and had always made sure to hydrate and stay out of trouble. They’d gone for social reasons, that was it.
But when Jake had dropped her off that night at her apartment, he’d asked if he could crash on the couch. He’d stayed, and after a while they’d started kissing.
She wasn’t even sure what had started the kissing. Had she leaned in first? Had he? Did it matter now? Then the clothes had come off and all she could remember was thinking that she was finally going to be with the man she loved. The man who’d stood by her side her whole life.
In her innocent mind she’d thought giving herself to him meant… forever.
In his mind, it had meant… a moment.
One crappy non-mind-blowing moment that ended with tears of frustration.
It had been awkward to say the least. Jake had sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands repeating over and over again. “Oh God, what did we do, what did we just do?”
And she’d sat there, vulnerable, no longer a virgin, and had fought to keep the tears from pouring down her face. If it would have been any other guy, she would have kicked him out and called Jake to come take care of her.
But who do you call when you screw your best friend? When the one person who understands you is the one who can’t even look at you?
“I have to go,” he had said, not bothering to say goodbye, ask if she was okay, or anything. The door slamming had felt like a hammer hitting her body.
She had sat in the silence, trying to even her breathing. Not really understanding why the experience hadn’t been as magical as she had heard it would be, and not knowing if she should tell someone or just lie there.
Her parents had been away on vacation, but little did she know that if she’d have called them, they wouldn’t have answered anyway. It had been the same night they’d died in a car accident on the way back from the airport.
A week later, Jake had mumbled an apology, then said he was going to be really busy with classes for a while.
He’d begun calling only once a week, then once a month, until finally she’d only received cards from him and his family on the holidays.
The pain washed over her anew. She hadn’t realized until now that she’d lost every loved one she had ever had in her life that fateful night.
Her parents, Jake, Grandma Nadine, and his family. Everyone, taken from her in an instant. And she suddenly wondered how she had made it so far without having a nervous breakdown.
With a shuddering breath she ran up the stairs. There would be time for self-pity and reflection later, but now, now she needed to get ready to hang on Jake’s arm, even though it was the last place she wanted to be.